Veronica Mars Kickstarter Promo
Ryan: (Ryan laughing) No way! (Kristen enters) KB!
Kristen: Ryan! What are you doing here? I took away your key!
Ryan: Doggie door.
Kristen: I have a corgie!
Ryan: Yes. And I had to dislocate my shoulder to wedge myself. (laughing at the TV) He’s hilarious! Hey, when are we going to do this whole Veronica Mars movie, huh?
Kristen: I don’t know. You got a couple a million dollars lying around?
Ryan: What? Hey! I’m not the one with the When in Rome fuck you money, alright? (knocking) It’s unlocked.
Jason: Oh, good. She’s up.
Kristen: Really? This is how we’re starting our day now?
Jason: You know, as a rule? I like to start every day with a hot blonde waiting for me in the parking lot.
Kristen: No reenactments. And no catch-phrasing! (he gazes at her) And no smoldering!
Ryan: Gold! Pure gold! America’s sweetheart!
Jason: Bear claw?
Kristen: Those are huge.
Jason: Never underestimate -
Kristen: Please don’t!
Jason: …the size of my bear claws.
Ryan: Never gets old!
Jason: Did you ask her about the movie?
Ryan: I did. She said we needed cash.
Rico: Veronica, honey? Can I see you in the kitchen?
Rico: Veronica, I thought I made it clear that I don’t care for either of those boys.
Kristen: Rico, the show is over. We’ve been off the air for years now.
Rico: Come here. Come here. I know. It doesn’t look good now. But it’s never over until it’s over.
Kristen: Are you tearing up?
Rico: You’re becoming a woman right before my eyes.
Jason: Well, you gotta hand it to Rico. Eight years without breaking character.
Ryan: Oh yeah. I hear that on Flashpoint he plays a SWAT commander as Keith MARS playing a SWAT commander.
Kristen: Rico, sit down.
Kristen (inner monologue): Sure, they were idiots. But they were MY idiots. We’d been in the trenches together.
Jason: Shh. It’s her inner monologue.
Ryan: Oh, right.
Kristen (inner monologue): Still, as I looked at them lined up on my couch, I couldn’t help thinking: does the lack of diversity reflect badly on Kristen Bell, the actress?
Kristen: Okay, boys. We all want to make the movie. The question is: how?
Ryan: I think we should ask Rob.
Kristen: I don’t know. He’s been pretty useless on this front.
Jason: No, I think Ryan’s right. We should – Rob will know what to do.
Kristen: Fine. Any suggestions, Rob?
Rob: Well, actually, I do have a few ideas. I say we have the fans fund the movie. We could offer all sorts of cool rewards to people who donate. Things like signed movie posters or tickets to the premiere, or even an associate producer credit! I mean, imagine the possibilities!
Kristen (inner monologue): I could record outgoing voicemail messages for fans who donate! I mean, yeah, they’d have to be tasteful – I’m not the same girl who did Pooty Tang. And at 100 grand each, I’d only need to do 20!
Ryan (inner monologue): I give great backrubs. My front rubs aren’t bad, either!
Jason (inner monologue): An associate producer credit. Does that mean some yahoo with a checkbook’s gonna show up on set and tell me I need to smile more?
Rico (inner monologue): Mars Investigations pens! Mars Investigations calendars! Get the name really out there!
Rico (inner monologue as Gollum, from Lord of the Rings) Stop it Colantoni! You’re an actor! Keith Mars is a fictional character, a passing thought in Rob Thomas’ head!
Rico (inner monologue): But… Rob is our friend!
Rico (inner monologue as Gollum, from Lord of the Rings): You don’t have any friends! Nobody likes you!
Rico (inner monologue): I’m not listening! I’m not listening!
Rob (inner monologue): There’s got to be some way to write Amanda Seyfried into the movie! I mean, there’s dead dead, and there’s TV dead!
Kristen: But seriously, marshmallows, this is it. This is our chance to make the Veronica Mars movie happen. If we reach our fundraising goal, we’ll shoot the movie this summer.
Rico: But when we hit the magic number, don’t stop donating.
Ryan: That extra cash will be our car chase and nudity fund.
Jason: There’ll be brooding in more exotic and expensive locations. In space, perhaps.
Kristen: So check out the cool as hell list of rewards and donate now. In addition to making the Veronica Mars movie happen, you will also be a part of the largest Kickstarter project of all time in the entire universe. See you at the premiere party!
(Transcript courtesy of Rob Kirker)