Who's Who of Veronica Mars — B
- B., Mary
Person in the Six Degrees of Aaron Echolls game that Veronica plays on her whiteboard. Mary B. is directly in between "Silverman & Silva" (which is sadly not Sarah Silverman as I initially read it but is probably some off-shore company or something) and Kelly Spada, who is probably a really cool chick. Mary B. doesn't even get a full last name in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-funky-donut- B., Mike
Friend of Wallace and/or Piz who left a message on their dorm room whiteboard. Mike apparently wants to go to "Hoots" on Saturday. Could this be a code for Hooters? If it is, it's certainly not a very clever one, and why go to Hooters when there are bikini babes suntanning right in the Hearst quad? Maybe Hoots is a nickname for somebody? It's not a very good one. Or maybe he actually wants to go play "hoops" with Wallace. Mike needs to come up with better nicknames or maybe work on his whiteboard penmanship in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-misskiwi- B. Mokky
- See Mokky, B.
- Baba, Ali
Some guy with forty thieves. Or was he in the story with sesame? Eh, who cares. Certainly not Derrick Karr, who calls Rashad Krimani this name (Scheherazade be damned) in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
-alliterator- Baby Think-It-Over
A plastic baby. It cries and mewls like a real baby, though. It's probably a robot baby. Sex with robots is more common than you think. Ms. Hauser wants the students to know the consequences before jumping in the sack with a robot in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-alliterator- Backup
- Bad Company
Band from the days when Keith Mars was cool. While listening to Deputy Sacks, Ex-Deputy Leo and talking to desk clerk Inga Olofson hardly puts Keith in bad company, his reading material of choice might be an entirely different matter in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-grimsqueaker- Bad Livers
Band that Sully likes. Either they espouse a life of immorality, Bad Livers, or they drink a lot, Bad Livers. Which I guess some people might say is the same thing. Either way, their poster is up in Sully's room in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."
-funky-donut- Bagley, Darius "Dime Bag"
Rapper. He has a skewed view of reality. This is proven by his thinking that Veronica is scrawny. So when Bone Hamilton dangled him out of a window, was Bone being intimidating or just playfully re-enacting a scene from A Fish Called Wanda? Whatever, Dime Bag's not laughing. His artistic credentials include the lovely tunes "Shot My Boo" and "Thuggin'." Your mileage may vary, but the writer for one is pleased not to have heard them in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-Inigo
Played by Sam Sarpong.- Bagnall, Gwen
Senior staff writer on the Neptune Register. The only things really discernible amongst the faux-Latin of her January 30th article on the EPA, the environment, and the failure of the American government to reduce pollutants: President Bush and a frankfurter. Perfect symmetry in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Inigo- Bagwell, Owen
Writer for the Neptune Register. For those of us who are still unable to believe it, Owen spells it out: Aaron Echolls! Acquitted of the murder of Lilly Kane! Owen presents the horrible truth in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-grimsqueaker- Bailiff
Your basic Law & Order-type bailiff...who's secretly having an affair with the judge! Okay, not really, but I have to spice this bio up somehow. Maybe he's related somehow to Super Huge Deputy? Well, he certaily bears no resemblance to Richard Moll in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-alliterator
Played by Thomas Nelson Webb.- Baker, Mr.
According to the Chicago Statesman, one of Wallace's teammates back in Chicago. Were the other teammates named Butcher and Candlestick Maker? Fortunately, we don't see them in a tub in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-alliterator- Baker, Boyd K.
Classmate of Priscilla Banks, AKA Kendall Shiflett Casablancas. Look at that wide-eyed grin. Aww. How cute. It's almost as if his photos is saying, "Dude, the hot babe on the left is totally checking me out. Sweet!" in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-wyk- Balboa, Rocky
Fictional boxer played by Sylvester Stallone and the central character in the Rocky movies. Rocky was a good-for-nothing shmo who got a shot at a heavyweight title and won, proving that with musical montages and a picturesque set of stairs, anything is possible. Several sequels were made, including Rocky II: The Rematch, Rocky III: The Re-rematch, Rocky IV: Yet Another Boxer Challenges Rocky for the Title, and Rocky XVI: Old Dudes Fighting. Veronica thinks that Wallace needs a magical musical montage of his very own to ace his mechanical engineering course in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-misskiwi- Baldwin Brothers
Fraternity of actors/loose cannons. Maybe Wallace thinks it's the early '90s, when William Baldwin was still a hot commodity, Stephen Baldwin had yet to find Jesus, and Alec Baldwin was years away from a headline-making custody battle. Daniel? Well, there was never anything nice to say about Daniel. At any rate, Veronica doesn't want to engage in a rap session about any of the Baldwin gang in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-bethgee- Bambi
Not Thumper's companion but rather the chickie who was chatting up Chip Diller at the Pi Sig party. Veronica warns her that Chip might rape her, but she doesn't look that concerned in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-alliterator- Bambi_Gasm
Internet handle for an escort from premiereescorts.biz. Man, if there's two things that shouldn't be combined, it's cute animated deer and sex. Although, using Bambi as a handle could just be code for something....Did you guys know that Bambi the cartoon, despite the feminine appearance, is actually a boy deer? Bambi_Gasm is surprising in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-funky-donut- Band Dork
Neptune High Student. He's decked out in school colors while watching Wallace's flagpole humiliation and volunteers that "the bikers did it." Given this insider information, one would think he could have told the PCHers how to spell "snitch" correctly… Or not. This Pirate gazes in fear in 1.01 "Pilot."
-topanga
Played by Chris Wiley.- Bankhead, Debbie S.
Classmate of Priscilla Banks, AKA Kendall Shifflet Casablancas. She is a member of the Spanish Club, the Red Cross, and SODA. SODA? Like, a soft drink club? Forget about the Kendall/Priscilla identity switch, the burning question on everyone's mind is: which does Debbie prefer, Coke or Pepsi, in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks"?
-wyk- Banks, Mr.
Father of Kendall Casablancas/Lacy Shiflett/Priscilla Banks. Keith's smile suggests, like all of us, he was expecting to speak to Will Smith's rich uncle from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. But this Mr. Banks is just another hard-working stiff in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-topanga- Banks, Ashley
- Banks, Priscilla
Birth name of the person we know as Kendall Casablancas. Turns out she was behind the wheel when the real Kendall Shiflett was killed in a car accident. So, Priscilla became Kendall Shiflett and starting hanging out with a Fitzpatrick and went to jail and somewhere in there was a Laker girl and then moved to Neptune and conned a rich man into marrying her. Whew. No wonder she looks so tired in that mug shot. Anyway, Priscilla, Queen of the Valley, gets outed in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-funky-donut- Barb
Assistant to Roger Hearst. She's attentive, hardworking, and probably one more unreturned phone call to Evan away from going postal on her unappreciative boss. Sadly, we don't get to see that in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-leila6
Played by Emily Happe.- Barbara Eden
- See Eden, Barbara
- Barbary, Michael
A comedian appearing at the Comedy Klub (shouldn't that be Komedy Klub? Geez, it's name isn't even funny!) three nights a week according to the school newspaper. Three nights? Well, that routine will get pretty stale, like the peanuts people will throw at him. Michael would be better off traveling down the coast named after him in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-alliterator- Barbie
A doll. There are academic works about Barbie's effects on American suburban culture. It's a doll! The name is also synonymous with blonde bimbo airheads whose bosoms far exceed gravity's ability to keep them upright — which is fine because they are more accustomed to the prone position anyway. Mac explains her name was a toss up between this and Cindy in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb," and the small-breasted Veronica brushes off the inappropriate insult in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-Inigo
All bios: 2.10 1.11- Barker, Deputy
Second banana. It must have been cold there in Lamb's shadow, but this fearless member of Neptune's finest tries to help investigate the Heart College casino robbery in 3.05 "President Evil."
-bethgee- Barker, Gregory
Hearst College Radio host. He could be the left-handed, sinister, socialist, purling, following part of the co-presenting team of "Left Over Right," one of the shows broadcast on KRFF in the early afternoon. Greg's liberal-leaning ways may or may not be shown in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."
-grimsqueaker- Barndale, Andrew "Drew"
- Barney Fife
- See Fife, Barney
- Barone, Matt
One of the six guys you'd pretty much expect to be invited to join the Tritons. Is Matt on the left? Is Matt on the right? Is Matt safely tucked up in bed? Rick said Matt was an initiate but the Great Triton will never tell 'cause, like, it's secret, right? They prance about in robes in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."
-Inigo- Barrie, Sam
Aaron's co-star in The Long Haul, a 1982 thriller. Sam's not been much heard of since. Perhaps, like stunt coordinator Curly Moran, he's taken up a different career. Veronica sees evidence of his days of glory in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Barry, Bobby
Severely autistic son of the late basketball coach of Hearst College. It is for Bobby's sake that his mother told his brother to wash off the blood covering him after he discovered the body and drove straight home. Sadly for Josh, Mrs. Barry didn't have the wits to get his clothes in the washing machine with the same alacrity. What? Bobby's okay with blood-soaked shirts? Hmm. Bobby's uselessness as a witness is a problem in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."
-Inigo
Played by Brian Ritter.- Barry, Josh
- Barry, Mrs. Kathleen
- Barry Randall
- Barry, Coach Tom
- Barrymore, Drew
Actress, producer, and all-around good egg, at least by current reputation. From child star to drug and alcohol abuser to one of the most powerful women in Hollywood, Drew is unpredictable and cool. Still a wild child, it's no stretch to reckon that she would be swapping bodily fluids with a faded rock star like Desmond Fellows. In Never Been Kissed, she played a reporter pretending to be a high school student. Wallace knows all about it in 2.02 "Driver Ed" and Desmond reminisces in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-Inigo
All bios: 3.17 2.02- Baseball Player
NHS jock and asswipe. He had a friend who died on the bus, he's got a weak curve ball, even if it doesn't stop him hitting the target and dunking Jackie Cook in the water at Winter Carnival, and he's mean to gay guys...uh...Dick in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough" and 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-Inigo
All bios: 2.14 2.13
Played by Jason McMahon.- Bass Player
One of Leo's jam session buddies. Keith brings some much needed excitement to his life of *cough* sex, drugs and rock'n'roll in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-grimsqueaker
Played by David Kyl-Brown.- Batando, Steven
- Batman
The Dark Knight. The Caped Crusader. Na na na na na na na na, Batman! and his life partner in crimefighting Robin (can you feel the HoYay?) roam around Gotham City at night protecting its citizens from the likes of the Joker, Two-Face, and a woman in a skin-tight catsuit. Max said that he and Chelsea discussed how much Batman's Batplane looked like a Cylon Raider in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-alliterator- Battle, Kevin
Castle member, class of 1930. What a name, huh? Kevin BATTLE! I wonder what his secret is. Maybe he got into some sort of...battle? With...a rattle? That caused much...prattle? Among the...cattle? Put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo...that'll? Or he had sex with a frog. We don't find out in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-Polter-Cow- Bauhaus
English rock band. First in gothic rock and in Max's heart. Bauhaus is best known for their single "Bela Lugosi's Dead," which was made popular by Tony Scott's lesbian vampire flick, The Hunger. Max shows his love for gloomy post-punk and/or vampire erotica in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-starxdsparrow- Baylor, Mr.
Baseball player who hit a three-run homer off of Terrence Cook to win a playoff game. That must have been quite a career high for Mr. Baylor. Too bad he didn't really earn it. Bad news for Baylor is bared in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-funky-donut- Beast
Monster. The story of Beauty and the Beast is really great, see, because there's this scary, horrific beast who is but a soft, loving prince inside, and then there's this total hunk, right, who is sooo hot OMG and yet in his heart is an utter brute! It's, like, totally profound and stuff. But here on Veronica Mars, everyone is always exactly what they appear to be outside, so let's just look at this pretty picture of the dignified and classy Principal Moorehead for the rest of this entry. It's super tough to find a beauty and a beast hobnobbing in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-marksoflove- The Beatles
In the words of a myopic judge, a "popular beat combo" of the sixties. Or, you know, the biggest (and some, like Keith Mars, say greatest) band of all time. Two members are dead now, but we hate Madison, so we're not going to quibble over the soundness of Veronica's conclusion that if Madison's parents really loved her, they would have gotten the real Beatles to play "Birthday" for her in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb." Former rock star Desmond Fellows acknowledges their influence (or decides to eschew leg irons) ...eventually in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-Inigo
All bios: 3.17 1.11- Beauty
Nice to look at. Trina tells Veronica that the NHS drama department is lacking in pretty girls; one can't help but wonder how that dearth impacted upon the school production of Beauty and the Beast. The truth is ugly in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-marksoflove- Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas
- Becker
Neptune High student and victim of Cap'n Krunk and Imitation Crab. According to the radio pirates, this boy is so hideous and stupid, he has to force himself on his dates to get some. Maybe he should ask Dick Casablancas for tips on how to resolve this problem. Becker gets a bad rep in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"
-grimsqueaker- Beckett, Samuel
Writer of really, really bizarre plays that only the highly intelligent or highly pretentious get and pretend to enjoy. His play Endgame is featured in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."
-Inigo- Becky
Zeta Theta Beta sister. Her father is a dermatologist, which means she's got the cortisone hook-up for all the other sisters. Diane Ruggiero could have used Becky's dad's assistance at Rob Thomas's wedding, but, sadly, Becky and her dad are both fictional characters in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."
-Polter-Cow- Becky Lacey
- See Lacey, Becky
- Beefy Resident
Hearst student who resides in Benes Hall. He comes running when he hears Parker Lee yelling "rape," asks some Excellent Questions of Mercer Hayes, and yet lets Mercer walk away. Hello, Beefy Resident? When someone has a a bleeding leg wound and scratches on his face and has just been accused of rape, don't let him walk away, mm-kay? Beefy Resident is all talk and no action in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-funky-donut
Played by David Blue.- Behan, Wilson
- Belben, Cathy
Philanthropist? How else do you get a concert hall named after you? Certainly not by standing in the middle of Town Square and yelling, "I am God!" They just don't name concert halls after librarians from Washington, after all. Neptune is in for a blast from the past, as lucky concertgoers will be able to listen to 19th century opera. That's not the kind of music you'd hear on a broadcast of "Ahoy, Mateys!" Sadly, we do not get to attend the inaugural performance in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."
-Polter-Cow- Bell, Harold
An email correspondant of Woody Goodman. Is he perhaps related to Alexander Graham Bell? Or the young, up-and-coming star Kristen Bell? Or maybe Bell is just a really common surname. Well, Bell, the bells toll for thee in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."
-alliterator- Bellanfant, Beau
One of the recipients of the email with the video of Veronica and Piz getting biz-zay. Although, honestly? A guy with a name like "Beau Bellanfant" should be the one starring in internet porn, not receiving it from Dick Casablancas in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-misskiwi- Bellows, Jerome
Concerned Citizen cited in the Daily Register. Questioned about incorporation, he is firmly against it. The fact that he lives outside of the 90909 zip code might have a certain impact on his conviction in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."
-grimsqueaker- Ben
Corrupt ATF agent. Doesn't the ATF have a height requirement? 21 Jump Street meets Training Day meets May sweeps stunt casting when Ben plays high school student to investigate a potential bomber. He's on the wrong track, but failure is not an option, so he doesn't let that put a dent in his arrest record. Yucky guy. Now if they had managed to get Johnny Depp or Denzel Washington, one might have been slightly more sympathetic when Logan started pummelling his face. But a Home Improvement survivor? We cheered in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."
-Inigo
Played by Jonathan Taylor Thomas.- Ben #2
Hearst College student. He lives off-campus with Wang Yi, the alleged rapist who turns out to be Claire's boyfriend. Ben inspires Veronica's classic WTF face in 3.05 "President Evil."
-topanga
Played by Joshua Arden.- Ben Fennell
- See Fennell, Ben
- Ben Franklin
- See Franklin, Ben
- Ben Hafayid, Nasir
Alien (not the kind who pops out of stomachs, but the kind who overstays their student visa). Rather than return to his home in generic Arab land, he took shelter in the kitchens of the Babylon Gardens in the hope of marrying the owners' daughter. Notwithstanding his desert-fever-inducing good looks and resemblance to a young Omar Sharif, his surly nature, Peeping Tom tendencies, and anti-American/anti-war propaganda (mileage varies) guaranteed him an INS-sponsored kick in the ass back to whence he came in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
-Inigo
Played by Haaz Sleiman.- Ben Sherman
- See Sherman, Ben
- Benita Graham
- See Graham, Benita
- Bennet, Elizabeth
Heroine of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. When Duncan gets a thrill because a man touched Lizzy's glove, you know his libido is low. Lizzy is smart and passionate and between classes and wouldn't settle for security over love. Veronica is smart and passionate and between classes. Will she settle for normality over LoVe? Lizzy would urge otherwise if she wasn't trapped in a book and on a TV screen in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Benny Hill
- See Hill, Benny
- Bernie
Unsubtle reporter. Bernie's mission: to acquire personalized information about the bus crash from Wallace Fennel. He tries to be as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, but he only manages to lose his notepad's top page to Wallace in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-grimsqueaker, alliterator
Played by Marty Ryan.- Berry, Halle
Actress and Owen's fantasy date for parasailing. The boy shows his taste in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."
-Inigo- Berto
A PCHer. Possibly infamous for tripping breakers, or so says Weevil. Though if he was the only person besides Weevil when the 09ers attacked, we're thinking they said to him, "Have a nice trip, see you next fall!" in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-alliterator- Bessie
A cow. I'm sure she wasn't as sexy as Kendall, just as I'm sure Kendall doesn't have six nipples, but Logan compares the two anyway in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-alliterator- Beth
Teenaged-looking newspaper reporter. Taking a page out of ATF agent Ben's book, Beth goes undercover at Neptune High to catch a big fish of a story. Unfortunately for her, she hits Terrence Cook's Porsche in the process and becomes a target of Wallace's detective skills. He shows that Veronica has taught him well in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Lindsey Tusing.- Betina Casablancas
- See Casablancas, Betina
- Betina Marone
- See Marone, Betina
- Betsy
Servant of the Dashwood family in Austen's Sense and Sensibility, a filmed version of which plays in the background of Neptune's modern take on 'Tis a Pity She's a Whore. Whilst the increasingly impoverished Dashwoods must scale down their living standards, they could never part with Betsy or Thomas. Betsy carries the key to the silver cabinet, and her sterling qualities are implied by the choice to retain her in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-Inigo- Betty
A Veronica alias. She's blonde and curly and oh-so-peppy. The students at Pan High think Betty is freakin' hot; the students at Neptune High think Veronica is so not. What in the world is wrong with the 09ers?! Off-the-cuff adoption of this name was inspired by meeting Archie lookalike Richie in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."
-Inigo, wyk- Beverly
Secretary of Woody Goodman. Rolling her eyes at her boss, snarking at Logan Echolls, smiling at Keith Mars, and surviving the episode make this
model'sgovernment worker's guest spot a tad more successful than those of rental car desk clerk Stacy and journalism teacher Leslie Dumass. No wonder Beverly's a winner in 2.17 "Plan B."-grimsqueaker
Played by Furonda Brasfield.- Bianconsino,
Only seen on a computer screen,
First name could be Bob or Eugene
Or Mary, Sue, or Rex,
Since we don't know their sex.
The subject taught is Improv and Jazz.
Might one of their students be Caz?
They might be insane or disdain-
Ful, but their name was in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."-alliterator, Polter-Cow- Biff
One of Veronica's imaginary friends. When Meg and Duncan sit down with her, Veronica bids Biff move his butt in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."
-Inigo- Big Al
Victim of the Neptune High School bus tragedy? At the one temporary memorial of most interest to the Hawaiian-shirted man is the message, "Goodbye Big Al." The driver's name was Ed, Ms. Dumass wasn't big, Cervando doesn't contract easily into Al, and Meg isn't gone. Who the hell is Big Al? Is the death of another biker noted in 2.02 "Driver Ed"?
-Inigo- Big Boy
Pi Sigma-ite. His name is written large in a Comic Sans-eque print, yet his score is but a mediocre 100. I could make all sorts of joke about size and overcompensation, but the fact that he is involved in a contest where he gets numerical scores for the girls naive or drunk enough to sleep with him sort of makes all my jokes for me. Big Boy is a sad example of humanity in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-public displays of lust- Big Brother
Dictator/figurehead. He's watching you. Right now, really. While you're doing that math problem. 2 + 2? Can you puzzle that one out? It's 5, dude. 2 + 2 = 5. Believe it, man. Big Brother said so. Logan has always been at war with Veronica in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-Polter-Cow- Richard "Big Dick" Casablancas
- Big John and the Loveladies
Band. We really don't want to think about where John got his nickname and why he has so many Loveladies, so instead we'll make fun of his poster on the wall of a Hearst hallway. It looks to be made using Crayola markers. This is college, guys! Can't you just make fliers, like the one next to your poster that "seek[s] a bassist"? Hey, that's not you guys, is it? Are you bassless? Perhaps my accusations are baseless in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."
-Polter-Cow- Pat "Big Pat" O'Brien
- See O'Brien, Pat "Big Pat"
- Big! Dave
Pi Sigma Sigmoron. Not one to be bound by petty things like "convention" or "punctuation," Big! Dave takes exclamation points to a whole new level. Veronica would probably want to know, though: sure, it's Big! — but is it Legendary!? Judging by B!D's paltry score of 110, it's a safe bet that this hog is no match for the greats. Size matters in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-marksoflove- Bigfoot
Legendary ape-like beast. Reports of Bigfoot sightings are often dubious and sometimes accompanied by conveniently blurry or indistinct photos, so we seriously doubt that there is actually a—holy crap, look over there! It's Bigf—oh, too late. You missed him. Lamb thinks we can safely cross Bigfoot off the list of rape suspects in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-misskiwi- Biggie Smalls
- See Smalls, Biggie
- Biggles,
Student in Dr. Landry's Criminology class. Was he named after the fictional World War I pilot? We're not sure, but this Biggles thought it would be a good idea to hand in a paper detailing how he would murder his professor with a chainsaw and get away with it. Biggles needs some lessons on how to properly suck up in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-misskiwi- Bill
Chief of the Neptune Fire Department. Veronica's jailbait in more than one sense when she persuades him to commit a little petty larceny and tamper with evidence in 1.01 "Pilot."
-Inigo
Played by Tom McCafferty.- Bill Gant
- See Gant, Bill
- Bill Lee
- See Lee, Bill
- Bill O'Reilly
- See O'Reilly, Bill
- Bill Smith
- See Smith, Bill
- Billet, Jack
Psycho killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est? Tha tha tha tha tha tha that's the guy Ve-ron Ron Ron Ron Ron Ron Ron surveys. Oh, oh, oh, Veronica becomes a talking head with her criminology paper on "Integrating Criminological Theories and Perspectives for a Truer Understanding" wherein she draws on biological, psychological and psychiatric perspectives in her examination of the most infamous serial killer and rapist of the century in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-Inigo- Billy
Pan High School mascot. You'll never guess what Billy is. Go on. Give it a go. An eiderdown duck? No, that's not it. A lemur? Come on! You're not even trying. An antelope? Closer, but no cigar. Billy is a...goat. Cool, huh? Billy Goat Gruff has it a bit rough in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."
-Inigo- Billy #2
A roadie for The Unwashed, we assume, since he was selling their CDs at the door of Winston's. Perhaps he is a kid or a goat or perhaps he is just the assistant of a schoolteacher-turned-president who stupidly tragically met his death. Or maybe not. One can never tell in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-alliterator- Billy Greene
- See Greene, Billy
- Billy Patton
- See Patton, Billy
- Billy "Sully" Sullivan
- See Sullivan, Billy "Sully"
- bin Laden, Osama
Islamic fundamental terrorist leader and the founder of al-Qaeda. Veronica tells Vinnie Van Lowe that Vinnie is the last person to whom she would divulge Duncan's whereabouts. Vinnie appeals to Veronica's patriotism in challenging her words, coming up with an even more unlikely suspect for her confidences. Unusually for the venal Van Lowe, he has a point in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-Inigo- Biology Teacher
An educator in the birds and the bees, and the snakes and the ladders of life. Yes, it's Buddy's buddy, the teacher who thinks feeding live rats to pythons is suitable entertainment at Neptune High. He has to find something to do to distinguish himself as his roll call is a little on the dry side, and not in a Rowan Atkinson way, in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-Inigo
Played by David Patrick Green.- Bird Dawg
Fraternity nickname of Andrew "Drew" Barndale. It figures that someone with life ambitions seemingly underscoring even Dick's would want to name himself after an animal whose greatest achievements are panting and retrieving dead fowl. Drew sucks at puns in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-grimsqueaker- Bishop, Carrie
- Bizen
One of several of Desmond Fellows' nicknames for Piz. Bizen is a city in Japan famous for pottery. Piz is a college DJ in California known for talking too much. Yeah, we see the connection. Desmond keeps us guessing with the geographically referential nicknames in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-starxdsparrow- Black Eyed Peas
Not a much-abused vegetable, but a hip-hop group that was the first to ask, "Where is the love?" They were fallin' up in the BEP Empire over weekends when they got original. They don't lie when they pump it and say, "Hey mama, shut up." Veronica doesn't phunk with their heart in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
-alliterator- The Black Heart Procession
An indie rock back from San Diego. Piz has a poster of them in his room. They have a unique sound for an indie band, with electric keyboards, samplers, and even a saw. Unfortunately, the only procession of black hearts is Mercer and Moe fleeing the scene in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-alliterator- Black Licorice
Piz's band. He claims to that he doesn't want a radio DJ gig just to get exposure for his band. With a name like Black Licorice — which he describes as being "dark and moody, but at the same time, it's candy" — they're going to need all the help they can get in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-funky-donut- BlackCat70
Screen name for a groupie. As a fan of My Pretty Pony, this chatstress took Desmond's suggestion to "surprise [him]" while he was in town literally, awaiting him in his hotel room clad only in leopard-print lingerie after climbing down from the balcony above on a sheet. Unfortunately, this vixen was not the vixen Desmond was looking for, as she was actually of age. Her real-life alter-ego is a boring assistant professor of Chinese, but Blackcat70 still knows how to walk on the wild side in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-funky-donut- BlackCat80
My Pretty Pony fan and Desmond Fellows groupie. One can see how Desmond got confused, what with the similarity in names between this nubile young thing and BlackCat70. Desmond is disappointed not to be surprised by BlackCat80 in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-funky-donut- Blair, Selma
Actress. Movie star Connor Larkin was paid a quarter of a million to make out with her in Lonely Season. Tough gig. And playing a metrosexual to boot? The pain is relived in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-Inigo- Blake, William
English poet, painter and engraver. Blake's Songs of Experience contained his bleakest poems on corruption and social injustice. "London," written up on the board in Mrs. Murphy's English class, is a prime example. Is Mrs. Murphy projecting her own impressions of Neptune — "...mark in every face I meet, marks of weakness, marks of woe..." — in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff"?
-Inigo- Blank, Ms.
Subject of an "Ahoy, Mateys!" broadcast. Whoever Ms. [Blank] is, [Pseudonym for Marcos Oliveres] and [Pseudonym for Vincent "Butters" Clemmons] think the [female expletive] should quit her [expletive] day job. A sample of Vincent's and Marcos's work can be seen in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"
-grimsqueaker- Blankenship, Lloyd
- Blind Date #1
A rather ditzy lady who thinks Keith may have taken a shine to her. Oh, hon, you're no Alicia. Or Rebecca, for that matter. You seem sweet enough, but it's entirely possible that the desperate vibe you're sending out could be why the dating service "It's Just Coffee" didn't work for you. Blind Date doesn't get lucky with Keith in 2.18 "I Am God."
-funky-donut
Played by Lizzie Murray.- Blind Date #2
A blind date of Keith's. She apparently enjoys indulging in extensive criticism, talking about her ex-husband, and making really off-base comparisons soon after meeting her dates. One cannot imagine why she, of all people, needs a dating service! She suggests a bit of change for Keith in 2.18 "I Am God"
-public displays of lust
Played by Anne L Nathan.- Blind Date #3
Office manager for a local doctor. Keith finally stumbles upon the Ms. Right who can lead him to the doctor who's been diagnosing Neptune High students with Generalized Anxiety Disorder as long as they can turn their heads and cough up the $1000 "co-pay" for his services. Ms. Right outs the Good Doctor 2.18 "I Am God.".
-topanga
Played by Jacleen Haber.- Blinky
A name Veronica calls Thumper. What's in a name? Blinky is the name of the main character in a magazine serial by Gene Markey, yes. It also spawned an Edward Sedgwick, comedic Western/cavalry film from the 1920s. But neither of these can really explain why Veronica thought this was Thumper's name in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-BepperGirl- Bloch, Julie
Jealous
girlfriendsoon-to-be fiancée named after a Rob Thomas intern. No, seriously. She thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her, but he's actually becoming a Jew. She thinks he owns a cool house, but he's actually housesitting for Nicolas Cage. She thinks he's marrying her for her money, but he's actually rich enough for the both of them. Geez, Julie, could you be any more wrong in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster"?-Polter-Cow
Played by Laura Bell Bundy.- Blonde Female Caller
Fan of Desmond Fellows'. From mere feet away in the caf, this former My Pretty Pony follower calls Piz's radio show for a chance to chat with her idol. Perhaps she's a super-recent henna convert, because while clearly a redhead (and referenced as such), the credits bill her as "blonde female caller." Offered the role of groupie (or at least invited to humor everyone with a quick flash), her delusions of Desmond's grandeur are quickly dashed in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-bethgee
Played by Abby Miller.- Bloom, Judge
A judge who schvitzes at the same gym with Cliff. Does Judge Bloom eat with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls? Does he or she like thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes? We never know in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."
-alliterator- Bloom, Benjamin
Son of Sam. Not the serial killer. He has been known to loiter, scaring the neighbors. We don't know what drew Ben to Yolanda. Was it her smile? Her sweater collection? That out-of-control hair? Ben plays Romeo to Yolanda's Juliet in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-Inigo, wyk- Bloom, Rebecca
Née Leibovitz, Sam Bloom's wife. The source of the real evil in the Bloom family, she once parked within ten feet of a fire hydrant. Her rap sheet is displayed in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-Inigo- Bloom, Samuel
Lawyer who got on the wrong side of Bone Hamilton. He paid with his ability to walk, or so he thinks, and the two men are now enemies. Leave it to their kids to do the Montague/Capulet thing, without the corpses, in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-Inigo
Played by Bruce Nozick.- Blue Oyster Cult
Band whose biggest hit, "(Don't Fear) The Reaper," featured on Keith's 8-track in 1977 (and on Veronica Mars). For Keith, this is proffered as proof that he was cool. For the rest of us, this is incontrovertible proof that he is in the grips of a fever and the only prescription is...more cowbell!!
Will Ferrell'sGene Frenkle's legacy lives on in 1.01 "Pilot."-Inigo- Blue Stripper
Stripper who...wears blue pants? Or maybe her name is actually Blue. Or both. Either way, she was quite offended when Tim suggested that she and her friend might have bummed a cigarette from a stranger. I mean, come on: taking your clothes off and dancing around a pole while men shove singles in your G-string is one thing, but smoking? A girl's got to have some standards and self-respect in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-misskiwi
Played by Nikki McCauley.- Blume, Judy
Author of teen best seller, Forever. We are sure its success has nothing to do with explicit sexual content. Ralph the penis. Hee hee. Ahem...sorry. It is Mandy's choice of company when her dog Chester is banished outside during a baby-sitting stint in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo, wyk- Bo Peep
Nursery rhyme character or Lamb's favored casual wear. Come on, Lambie. We'll come peeking in your windows to see you play with your crook anytime, even though you were a little busy in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo- Bob
Imaginary house vendor. Ever the pragmatist, Weevil responds to the math problem of Bob selling houses at a 5% commission by suggesting that Bob should find something more lucrative to sell. Oh, how we wish that Francis's agent was as diligent in maximizing his client's screen time as Weevil is in maximizing his profit margin in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- Bob #2
Student at Neptune High and Jane Kuhne's chauffeur friend. Bob is at the loser's end of the who-wants-to-get-into-whose-pants dance that is high school. Carrying Jane's books and driving her around is no substitute for the allure of basketball star Wallace Fennel in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-Inigo- Bob #3
Frisbee-playing Hearst College student. How pleasant, bobbing along, bobbing along with a Frisbee on the beautiful college green. What a chance to get a better peep at the near-nude creature in his sleep. Bob glides, tripping o'er the Pi Sigs' pride, obscene though the knickers make the scene...it's lovely, bobbing along, bobbing along to find Diller on the beautiful college green. Lucky for Chip, it wasn't a bedknob or a broomstick up his ass in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-Inigo
Played by Colin Kim.- Bob Patton
- See Patton, Bob
- Bob Reid
- See Reid, Bob
- Bobcat
Name Logan is not allowed to call Veronica when her Dad is around. We really wonder why Logan shouldn't use this charming nickname, because after all, how could a reference to a feral feline be construed to mean something not entirely innocent? Young Mr. Echolls gives us more insight into this steamy relationship than anyone could ever wish for in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-grimsqueaker- Bodie Chang
- See Chang, Bodie
- Bogart, Humphrey
Actor. Now look here, see? Bogart was a tough cookie, a real hard boiled character who played famous private dicks like Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe. Of all the movies, in all the towns, in all the world, Keith and Harmony end up watching Bogart flicks in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-misskiwi- Bohr, Niehls
Physicist best known for developing the Bohr model for atoms. You know, the one where the nucleus is the sun and electrons orbit around it like planets? Didn't you have to make one of those in junior high? I used lightning bolts for the electrons. Of course, see, way back in junior high, I knew how to spell "Niels Bohr." Veronica, however, must have skipped class that day, given her misspelling of Patrick Nickerson's alias in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-Polter-Cow- Bolan, Sondra
Crazed fan of Lynn Echolls. She is crazed because she's seen her movies, like, a hundred times. About as many times as we've watched...uh, guys? Guys? We're not crazy, are we? Sondra hits a little close to home for the MI.netters in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."
-Inigo
Played by Deborah Vancelette.- The Bomb
Choice of nickname of one of the PiSS dwellers at Hearst College. Aw. How cute is that? He made the O like a bomb. Colored it in and everything. What a great guy! And how tacky in a town that lost eight of its citizens to one. Jerk. Check out his claimed chick score in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-Inigo- Bombero
Pi Sigma-ite. Did this wannabe Don Juan also wannabe a throwback to the '90s like his fratmate The Bomb or did he just want to be called "fireman" only with more Latin flavor? Of course, judging by his rather sad score of 50, perhaps other people started calling him that because of his ability to single-handedly put out the fires of, er, passion? The origin of this jerk's nickname is a mystery in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-public displays of lust- Bon Jovi, Jon
Singer, head of the band Bon Jovi, and occasional actor. It is a fact that a few people love him, and many people hate him with the heat of a thousand fiery suns. There was a time when he was desperately hairy and in need of a haircut. In one acting role, he fancied the pants off the character who gave her name to the title of a TV show. He seems charming with his soft metal ways, but his place in the world for some is to merely serve as an unwelcome obstacle in the 'ship between the ear and good music. We must ever wonder what made Sheriff Mars think of matching Jon's picture with Piz for his fake ID in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
-Inigo- Bond, James
007. English secret agent with the British Secret Service. He of the Bond girls and verbose villains fame. Likes his martinis shaken and not stirred. Played by a variety of actors, including Sean Connery (who's Scottish), George Lazenby (who's Australian), Timothy Dalton (who's Welsh), and Pierce Brosnan (who's Irish). Oy vey. Good thing the new Bond, Daniel Craig, is actually English. Duncan, however, looks more beatnik than Bond in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner" and Mr. Bond gets a name check in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!" and 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks," and Wallace has a tux that makes Bond looks like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."
-alliterator
All bios: 2.20 2.19 2.08 2.07- Bonds, Barry
A famous person. He is now one ball short, as Luke sold it on eBay. Ouch! Huh? Oh, he's a baseball player? And it's not that kind of ball? Check it out in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."
-Inigo- Percy "Bone" Hamilton
- See Hamilton, Percy "Bone"
- Bone Head
A fratboy on the Pi Sigma scoreboard. His head is made of bones—gosh, these frat boys are smart. Or maybe Bone Head is not so smart. Or maybe he's a paleontology major. Or maybe he's just really horny. Anyone's guess is as good as ours in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-topanga- Bonnie Capistrano
- Bookish Female TA
Cute, giggly teaching assistant at Hearst who seems to think fixing a thermostat is worthy of undying adoration. It's hard to blame a nerdy lit student, though, for falling under Weevil's gruff, manly, wrong-side-of-the-tracks, former-gang-leader spell in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-ninamazing
Played by Jessica Aerin Hughes.- Boone, Daniel
Fess ParkerAmerican frontiersman and iconic hero. He — or rather his stereotypical image as fostered by the eponymous TV show that ran through most of the '60s — is well-known for his penchant for coonskin caps and fringed leather/suede/skin of some sort/whatever shirts and jackets. The at-one-with-nature lifestyle and the fringe were thought so cool at the time that the look was adopted by many of the rebellious, drug-addled students and youth of the decade. You know, you've seen Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider, right? So what exactly is Veronica inferring about her father's past when she advises Keith to eschew the Daniel Boone jacket if he goes undercover amongst the students at Hearst in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves"?-Inigo- Boone, Preston
Pi Sigma Sigmite. He is Preston Boone. A widely renowned date rapist. He is a professional. And more than that, he is an accomplished and subtle seducer of hoes. He is a person that knows where the roofies come from. He is a person who never has to shave his head for failing to score a hot chick. He is Preston Boone! And what the hell is the matter with these bra-burning no-saying women's libbers that they won't just let him love them in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff"?
-marksoflove- Bootsy
PCH biker. Much like the Sith, the PCH bikers seem to thrive on giving their members silly nicknames: after a bug and a Bambi character, we now get a footwear fetishist. Despite his remarkable moniker, Bootsy is rather anonymous, given that he wears the trademark badass biker helmet. Bootsy is seen, not heard, in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!" and talked about, not seen, in 2.11 "Donut Run.".
-grimsqueaker, Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.11 2.08- Border Patrol Official
One of the many valiant officers responsible for patrolling our borders against illegal aliens...or rich 09ers kidnapping their illegimate babies. Unfortunately, this agent (who must be pulling double time, 'cause it looks like he's a customs agent too) is foiled by his evil archnemesis: traffic. This agent looks nothing like Hugo Weaving in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-alliterator
Played by Chris Salcedo.- Boris
A love interest? Lianne's final guess as to the identity of her daughter's mysterious boyfriend, the selection of which finally forces Veronica to 'fess up in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."
-Inigo- Boris Kane
- See Kane, Boris
- Jefferson Davis "Boss" Hogg
- See Hogg, Jefferson Davis "Boss"
- Boy
Jackie Cook's two-year-old son. Kid's screwed, of course, not knowing his mother from his grandmother. If his life truly follows in the path trod by Bobby Darin, he'll have a good time, marry and divorce an ingénue who makes her name in re-make of Gidget, then die at the age of thirty-seven. Or not. It's a little hard to tell based on events in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-Inigo
Played by Rajkumar Gross.- Boy at Keyboard
Neptune High student. The Silent Bob to the chattier Favorite Band Sucks T-Shirt, our boy doesn't do much besides sitting and staring at a video featuring the dead but still fabulous Lilly Kane in 1.01 "Pilot."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Mark Styles.- Boy George
Singer, songwriter, and flamboyantly gay leader of the eighties band Culture Club. Tad thinks he is insulting Seth by calling him Boy George. All he really does is draw further attention to the poo he wrote/sang for Carmen. Besides, you can bet your bottom dollar that George doesn't have Seth's name tattooed on his back like Tad in 1.20 "M.A.D."
-Inigo- Boyd, Danny
- Boyd L.
- See L., Boyd
- Boyz II Men
Rap group that was most famous in the '90s. You'd think after ten years of being around, they would change their name to Men II Older Men. Veronica goes from telling-Sheriff Don Lamb-she-was-their-back-up-singer Happy II seeing-Logan-put-her-in-the-rear -view-mirror Sad in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-alliterator- Brad Elsey
- See Elsey, Brad
- Brad Stark
- See Stark, Brad
- Bradbury, Jennifer
Friend of the real Kendall Shiflett. Death is a lonely business, so Jen wasn't there to share Kendall's fate. Did she think "something wicked this way comes" when she first met the older girl who drove the car that killed Kendall? Does she know that her dead friend's name has from the dust returned? Jennifer's "Kendall-made-the-best- Space-Ghost-ceramic-figurines-bar-none" Chronicles appear in print in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-Inigo- Bradley, Keith
Member of the Castle, Hearst College class of 1928. Poor Mr. Bradley's secrets are now in the hands of one Veronica Mars, who handed over his name to Nish Sweeney. He'd probably be worried, if he wasn't either dead or over a century old in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-misskiwi- Brady, A
A member of the Brady family. Dick alludes to a time when he was one of these happy-go-lucky sitcom characters, but which one? We're thinking Peter, for obvious reasons. Wait, he might have been referring to himself as bradykinin, a potent vasodilator and mediator of inflammation. Does bradykinin get yummy sandwiches made for it by its mother? Dick does in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-Polter-Cow- Brant
Assistant to Budd Rose. He's pushy, rude, snotty, and a snappy dresser: what more could a guy ask for in an assistant? Well, stroking your hair while you're sleeping and throwing a jealous fit because you're still married to your wife might be a little over the top. Not that there's anything wrong with that...actually, there's something very wrong with that in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-misskiwi
Played by Brian Kimmet.- Brasco, Donnie
Undercover alias for FBI agent Joseph D. Pistone. Should Nathan Woods one day decide to pen his memoirs as an undercover drug detective, the world might yet see the movie version of Carl Morgan. Veronica would probably be delighted, judging from her reaction in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
-grimsqueaker- Bratty Little Girl
Daddy's little devil. She leaves purple gum on seats, snarks on Veronica, and wears Lilly's necklace. Can someone get this kid in the next Problem Child sequel? At least then we won't see her in any episode besides 3.05 "President Evil."
-Polter-Cow
Played by Rachel Rogers.- Breck, April
Featured in an article on the front page of the Chicago Statesman, was Ms. Breck also in the military? Could she have been a good samaritan helping nurse Sgt. Chris O'Donnell back to health? Or maybe she was just a single woman looking to get married to Jimmie Shannon. No matter the reason, her name got its 15 minutes of fame in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-funky-donut- Brenda Van Lowe
- See Van Lowe, Brenda
- Brent
The invisible man, apparently, or at least a Milford graduate. A Dandy Warhol and probably a close relative of Sue Storm, Brent has taken it upon himself to hide among the other minor speaking roles, but still appears in the credits just to spite us. Oh, Brent, you rascal! We used to be friends! Brent is neither seen nor heard in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Brent DeBoer.- Brer Rabbit
The main character in the folktales of Uncle Remus, as collected by Joel Chandler Harris. Brer Rabbit is the amiable trickster who, when trapped by Brer Fox, begs not to be thrown into the briar patch. This is exactly what the silly fox does, enabling Brer Rabbit to escape. Lamb has read the story and delights in avoiding Veronica's trap of telling him that Duncan's not in Mexico. But Veronica is a really tricky trickster and counts on him avoiding her trap, thus entrapping him more in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-Inigo- Brett
Leader of the paintballers. Though Brett is not his real name, that's the moniker Veronica saddles him with when she accuses him of vandalizing Babylon Gardens. Consider yourself lucky you aren't Towelie, Brett. Brett's mischief making (and random paintball shootings) is brought to an end by Veronica in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
-alliterator
Played by Kunal Sharma.- Brewer Landry
- See Landry, Brewer
- Brian
Aaron's tennis coach. A cool dude that Aaron will discuss anything in front of, so long as it's not adultery. Aaron and Brian practice in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-Inigo- Brian #2
Brother of an indiscreet hospital worker. This is how gossip works. Brian's brother tells Brian. Brian tells Ashley. Ashley tell Carrie. Carrie tells Susan. Veronica eavesdrops to discover that Duncan is loony-tunes bonkers. All good fun in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."
-Inigo- Brian #3
Best roommate a guy could have — or something. Max has Brian and Fred to thank for his heartbreak, since they just couldn't live with themselves knowing that Brian was rooming with a *gasp* virgin! Something had to be done to remedy the situation, so they sent Chelsea his way — and then got pissed off when they learned what really happened that magical night at Comic-Con — in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-fulfilled
Played by Richard Keith.- Brian Klemmer
- See Klemmer, Brian
- Brian "Pop" Popovich
- See Popovich, Brian "Pop"
- Bridges, Nash
Cop character on a TV show of the same name. Nash had a yellow 'Cuda. (That's a 1970/1971 — geek debates rage — Barricuda for those who care nothing for cars except their capacity to get them from A to B without their getting wet.) Nash loved his 'Cuda. Nash cared for his 'Cuda. When his home blew up, all he asked about was the 'Cuda. Much like Harry Greene loved his Apache (his dog, not his Chevy) in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-Inigo- Bridget
Friend of Caitlin Ford. Poor girl. In what is becoming something of a cliché, the private phone number of one of Paris Hilton's mates is disclosed to the world in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo
All bios: 1.20 1.02- Bridget #2
Dog owner. Her toy spaniel Louie is dognapped by the notorious Balboa Cartel and her offer of $100 is insufficient to secure his return. Veronica comes to the rescue by upping the reward and Wallace gets to return Louie to a grateful Bridget. As he hoped, she is hot, grateful and single...for someone in their sixties. Wallace needs a girlfriend, so it's a shame this May-December romance never gets off the ground in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo
Played by Virginia Hawkins.- Briggs, Cora
- Brightside, Miss
The name Veronica calls Julie Bloch. She wonders if Collin should come out of his cage (and Cage's house), before jealousy turns saints into the sea and Julie chokes on his alibi. Veronica opens up Julie's eager eyes in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."
-alliterator- Britney Spears
- See Spears, Britney
- Britt
Karaoke singer who bears an uncanny resemblance to the lead singer of Spoon. After Veronica pours Britt a cup of coffee, he serenades her with his rendition of "Veronica." Aww, what a sweetie. Unfortunately for Lars, his fickle gal also becomes smitten by Britt's sweetness and total bed-head hair in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-wyk
Played by Britt Daniel.- Brock, Jason
Member of the Castle, Hearst College class of 1969. While it's not revealed what secret confessions Jason might have spilled to the organization, given that it was the '60s, we're going to wager drugs were involved. Or maybe just some really, really bad hair. Oh wait, that was the '80s. Or was it both? Jason's acid trips and/or afro remain a mystery in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-misskiwi- Brodie
One of the Pi Sigma Sigma pledges that was a naked waiter at the Zeta Theta Beta party. He may have a large comic book collection and go on to host the Tonight Show or possibly become the sheriff of a beachside town terrified by a shark. Or maybe not. But here's the question: is a stinkpalm worse than a trip to the dentist? We'll never know, since Brodie's only mentioned in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."
-alliterator- Brody, Mr.
Pawnshop owner. Tommy Shaw tried to sell him stolen jewelery from house robberies but ended up in an interrogation room at the sheriff's office. Is Mr. Brody stupid for turning in a Fitzpatrick puppet to the cops, or is he just an honest guy? You be the judge in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."
-misskiwi- Bronson Pope
- Brooklyn Dan
Namesake of the diner where Jackie and her mom work. Hmm, I wonder where this diner could be possibly located? This not-so-subtle diner name is just another in a long line of anvilicious writing in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-wyk- Brooks, Paul
A member of the Castle who graduated in 1932. A hobby bootlegger and terrible jazz pianist, Paul provided both booze and questionable entertainment for the Castle back in the day. Or maybe he was just another boring rich boy whose father was a hitman, but wouldn't our version be far more entertaining? His background — and secret — remains undisclosed in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-grimsqueaker- Brosnan, Pierce
Actor. Best known as Bond, Mr. Brosnan also portrayed bored billionaire Thomas Crown in The Thomas Crown Affair. It is this role that Veronica suspects inspired Weevil's clever plan to steal the money from the Neptune High winter carnival. Weevil has apparently been keeping up with classic cinema in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-public displays of lust- Broussard, Steve
A writer for the Chicago Statesman, his titillating headline was "Stocks tumble on word of faulty earnings reports." Ooh, fascinating! And not at all boring! Stevie-boy makes us snore in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-alliterator- Brown, Big John
Bad, bad...Big John Brown? Is he the baddest man in the whole damn town? Badder than ol' King Kong? Meaner than a junkyard dog? Well, that's what the writing on the bathroom wall would have you believe in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-alliterator- Brown, Bobby
Whitney Houston's husband who often lived in her shadow — until, of course, after years of drug abuse, he got his own reality show, Being Bobby Brown, where you can find out exactly what it's like to be a faded R&B singer with a drug problem and loud wife. Dick wonders if Logan needs a favor, like the one Bobby did for Whitney (probably referring to his infamous "I've had to dig a dootie bubble out of her butt" line) in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-alliterator- Brown, John
Name on the prison wall. Probably not the famous abolitionist, this John Brown has to witness the "flirting" between Aaron Echolls and Kendall Casablancas. They might melt his signature from the wall in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-grimsqueaker- Brown, Leroy "Encyclopedia"
Pre-teen detective of the Encyclopedia Brown books. If he lived in Neptune, Bugs Meany would be an 09er and Sally Kimball would be a PCH biker. Luckily, he lives in Idaville, Florida, where he can leisurely charge 25 cents per case (plus expenses). Veronica invokes his name in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-alliterator- Bruce, Jacob
Actor. Ah, Jacob, we hardly knew you. We could have passed you in the street and never known that you played hockey and guitar. We might have spotted that you were an ordinary guy of medium height and build, with dark hair and a little thin on top. But as that describes 90% of adult males in the world today, we wouldn't have asked for your autograph in honor of your non-appearance, under Mr. Edgar, in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo- Bruce Lee
- See Lee, Bruce
- Bruce Springsteen
- See Springsteen, Bruce
- Brundige, Anthony
Email correspondent of Dick Casablancas. Dick emailed Anthony wanting to know if he had "something for [him]." Let's see...Dick, "got something for me?", and he forwards porn on instinct. Yeah, we're just going to let you guys write your own joke for that one. Go ahead. We'll wait. What Anthony's got for Dick might be censored in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-misskiwi- Bruno Doyle
- See Doyle, Bruno
- Bryan Gibson
- See Gibson, Bryan
- Bryant, Pat
Member of the school board. The only thing whiter than his hair is the color of Clemmons's face when Mrs. Fuller reads the love messages from Veronica's favorite vice principal in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."
-Inigo- Bryce Hamilton
- See Hamilton, Bryce
- Bubbles
Michael Jackson's former chimpanzee. No, seriously, that's not a euphemism. Bubbles was MJ's pet chimp/date to the red carpet/housekeeper for many years until he became violent and was sent to live on an animal ranch. Poor Bubbles. Veronica implies her father is her "monkey with connections" by calling him this in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."
-funky-donut- Buckcherry
An L.A. rock and roll band with songs that get strippers in a fighting mood. Catholic School Girl complains bitterly that her seniority gives her first refusal in song choices and that Tory can't claim the band wrote one specially for her. Now this, of course, all depends on whether Tory is an alias for Buck Cherry, the notorious Hollywood transvestite who used to bum cigarettes from that band and from whom they took their name. Somebody, possibly masquerading as John Enbom, knew their rock history in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-Inigo- Bucko
Dog. One of the missing pedigrees, he is enjoying the hospitality of Balboa Animal Control. He is rescued in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- Bud
One of Inga's pets...or possibly her husband. It is hard to be sure, as Lamb interrupts her gossiping with Keith, much to her displeasure, in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Budd Rose
- See Rose, Budd
- Buddy
Snake not on a plane. In fact, this snake is positively grounded, stuck in a high school biology class. He lives on a steady diet of rats because whole-animal cuisine is where it's at. An attempt to feed him processed rat meat shaved into thin, sprinkle-ready portions would be met with "I've had it with these flakes!" Despite all his rage, he will still eat a rat in a cage in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-Polter-Cow- Budosh, Jenny
- Buffet, Warren
World's second richest man. Now why would Mr. Pope expect his Future Business Leaders of America students to aspire to Mr. Buffet and not to the world's richest man? It must be because he knows that even the greediest 09er wouldn't want to be Bill Gates. This buffet of financial mumbo-jumbo gumbo is served up in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Buffy
The name Fern Delgado uses when "Veronica" is too hard to remember. It's a mistake, for that name has a particular resonance with our chosen one. Veronica isn't just going through the motions, for she has a theory when she finds the bunnies that left Chip a Keister egg. If they're together, the Lilith House girls are the mustard under the spell of revenge, even if they'll never tell. Male rape isn't a parking ticket, but Veronica may let this one rest in peace as deserved punishment — a dawn's lament for Patrice Pitrelli. No matter what you feel about it, Veronica may well be standing up for rough justice, if not wholesale faked rapes, for she's walked through the fire and knows that humiliation isn't something to sing about. Question is, where does she go from here after 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's"?
-Inigo- Bugby, Evelyn
Classmate of Jake and Lianne, organizer of the reunion of the class of 1979, and a busybody. Hey, casting director, didn't you read the script? Weather-faced Evelyn is supposed to look like Jake and Lianne's classmate, not their teacher. She tries to play matchmaker for Mallory Dent and a used car dealer. She gives Veronica the goods on the King and Queen of her prom in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."
-Inigo, wyk
Played by Bonita Friedericy.- Bugs Bunny
Cartoon wabbit. The bunny's wacky exploits are brought to mind as Veronica visits the Shark Field stadium site and checks out what's up...shock!...in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-Inigo- Bukenya, Apollo
Former child soldier in Uganda and author of a best-selling book, he was named after the god of music by his mythology-loving mother. Apollo has The Inside on horror having been one of the
FBI team solvingchild abductees forced to commit horrendous crimes. An expert at self-preservation with an appetite to kill, he is also one of those rare individuals who managed to play Veronica Mars. A touching father-son reunion (sort of, if long shed sperm counts) washes away her desire for getting revenge, which is just as well, as she'd have gotten her ass kicked in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."-Inigo
Played by Nelsan Ellis.- Bundrick, C.
Wallace's Psy. instructor on Wednesdays from 2:30 to 5:40 in room 202. We don't know if he's related to John "Rabbit" Bundrick, a rock keyboardist who played with the Who, Bob Marley, and Roger Water, and the principal musician for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but hey, maybe "Psy." stands for "Psychedelic Rock." Wallace could have been taking lessons in how to ROCK 'n' ROLL in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-alliterator- Bunny Day
- See Day, Bunny
- Bunting, Adam
Neptune High School student. Real or imaginary, he is lucky that he does not look like Fievel. Veronica mentions him in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo- Burns, Dr.
Unethical physician. Proving that in Neptune, even health professionals are corrupt, this outstanding representative of the medical trade attests fake disorders for a
substantialsmall fee to get wealthy students excused from exams. Keith Mars douses his fire in 2.18 "I Am God."-grimsqueaker- Burns, C. Montgomery
Fictional owner of a nuclear power plant on The Simpsons. You may remember him from such tyrannical plots as the time he tried to block out the sun, the time he planned to make a coat out of Greyhound puppies, and the time he stole a trillion-dollar bill. Budd Rose's scheme to blackmail his wife by having his girlfriend seduce her and get half of her assets in the divorce would probably be right up Monty's alley in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-misskiwi- Burroughs, William S.
American novelist. Does Jackie really want to eat her lunch naked, or does she secretly yearn for Edgar Rice Burroughs's Tarzan? Her literary taste is partly revealed in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-grimsqueaker- Buscemi, Steve
Actor. His last big role was as Tony Blundetto, (Big) Tony Soprano's cousin on the HBO television show The Sopranos. Little Tony got too big for his britches and started doing dirt with a rival crime family until the older, wiser cousin took him out with a bullet to the head. Sheesh. Tough family. Logan says Veronica looks like Steve on a bad day. Since a lot of the characters he plays end up dead, she's a smart one not to take this as a compliment. Veronica is a dead woman walking, and Steve Buscemi would be proud, in 2.18 "I Am God."
-topanga- Bush, George W.
Current leader of the free world. My mother taught me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Hmmm. President George W. Bush sure knows a lot about baseball. Neptune reporters don't live by this rule, admonishing the dubiously elected Commander-in-Chief in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-bethgee- Bush Twin
One of the twin daughters of President George W. Bush. As a brunette, Gia might align herself more closely with Barbara than with blonde Jenna, but as both have a flair for the public drunkenness, sluttiness, and minor scandals that Gia is heir to (now that Daddy is Neptune's commander-in-chief), hair color is probably the least of her concerns. Gia looks to emulate one or the other of them in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."
-alliterator- Buster
Corruptible German Shepherd. He will roll over for a pretty girl. This may be the reason why the sheriff's department has left him in the kennels since 1.01 "Pilot."
-Inigo- Butch,
Veronica's Hutch to Tim's Starsky. While unassuming viewers might see this nickname as an innocent example of the ever-increasing banter between Professor Landry's once and future star pupils, we won't be fooled so easily. Instead of referring to the buddy cops Starsky and Hutch, Tim is actually cleverly hinting at another famous duo: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Get it? Butch Cassidy! That's a hint! OMG, Tim is so the
rapistmurderer! Butch kills our brains in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."-grimsqueaker- Vincent "Butters" Clemmons
- Button, Heather
Logan's pint-sized house guest. Heather Button, the Dakota Fanning doppelgänger who acts as Logan's personal Jiminy Cricket, flaunts her naïveté like it's going out of style in her quest to reunite Logan and Veronica. Despite her older sister Melinda's leaving her alone with a reclusive, bearded millionaire, Heather does her darndest to befriend the cheerless Logan, who promises her weekly Mario Kart brawls in exchange for the kindness. Heather shines in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."
-Alex
Played by Juliette Goglia.- Button, Melinda
Mrs. Dick. It isn't clear whether Melinda and Dick's union is the result of a series of escalating dares or just youthful stupidity, but it is quickly regretted by both parties. Melinda wears the divorcée title well in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."
-bethgee
Played by Lisa Jay.- Buzz
One of several of Desmond Fellows' nicknames for Piz. Probably the most affectionate nickname Desmond could have chosen, as a buzz is most notably the beginning stages of blissful intoxication — the state in which Desmond seems most content. Desmond teases Piz because he cares in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-starxdsparrow- Buzz Aldrin
- See Aldrin, Buzz
- Byley, Leisa
Corpse. Her tombstone adds a dash of morbid flavor to play rehearsal, so who cares if she's not actually one of Hamlet's dramatis personae? With all the deaths in that play, it's easy to lose track. Leisa rests in peace in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-marksoflove