1.20 "M.A.D."

Aired Apr 26, 2005

Quotes

• Dick: Uh oh. Someone's got her eye on that Miss White Trash title. Beaver: Yeah, you know, you got a solid effort in the talent competition, but I'd like to see that car up on some cinder blocks. Logan: Guys, come on.... Veronica: I know. "Guys, come on. The talent is making a grilled cheese sandwich on the engine block." "Guys, come on. You can't put your car up on blocks in the yard if you don't have a yard." You know, I think I can do both sides of this little act now. So how 'bout next time, you don't bother? I got it covered.

• Carmen: I must have been wasted. I would never do something like that. It's totally disgusting.

  Veronica: You mean, you two having sex?

• Veronica: What? I blockaded the door. I hung an "Out of Order" sign.

  Logan: This is wrong. I mean, a boy in a girls' bathroom. It's just...

  Veronica: So wrong, it's right?

  Logan: Yes.

• Logan: I am beyond tardy for my physics class. If I remember right, time travel is not yet possible.

  Veronica: So try petty corruption.

• Veronica: No offense, but you look...odd.

  Wallace: I just watched our parents cuddle on the couch last night. My eyes, they burn.

  Veronica: Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from six to ten that requires an overnight bag?

  Wallace: As far as I'm concerned, they play bingo at the VFW. That's my story, I'm stickin' with it.

• Mr. Wu: I know you know the policy, Mr. Wilson, because you just saw a demonstration. I'm an equal opportunity confiscator.

• Mr. Wu: Consider this a warning. Next time, I'm keeping it, and you'll just have to gossip with your friends with two cans and string.

  Veronica: I'm...not sure what that means, but I'm totally warned, I swear.

• Keith: Hey honey, how's school?

  Veronica: You know. Mean kids, indifferent teachers, crumbling infrastructure. So, why are you smiling?

  Keith: 'Cause I'm savoring the irony. Imagine the Mars family sending our heir, Veronica, to an Ivy League college with money from the bounty on the Kane heir.

• Veronica: Come on, Dad. With your expertise and my can-do spirit, we can do it. Family project.

• Mac: Man, Veronica. Have you ever asked for help with anything normal? Veronica: What fun would that be?

• Tad's Friend: Isn't the gay prom next Friday in the Dog Beach men's room?

  Seth: So I guess I'll see you there, sailor.

  Tad: What'd you just say to me, Boy George?

  Seth: Come on. The Navy? "Cover my back, wingman! The rear admiral wants us to pound away with the ten-inch gun!"

• Weevil: What are you doin' here? You miss me?

  Veronica: Alternator trouble. Think your uncle can return the LeBaron to all its original glory?

  Weevil: He could get it ready for Daytona if you pay him enough.

  Veronica: That won't be necessary.

• Weevil: Don't give me that look. If you really thought I'd hurt Lilly you'd have a homing device on my ass already.

• Veronica: Do you think this...thing will ever get more normal?

  Logan: What, like will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you bear-y much"?

  Veronica: Yes, exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring-tossing ability.

• Logan: Oh my God. Did I just get caught by my dad making out on the couch? Veronica: Yeah, you got caught by your dad. I got caught by the star of Breaking Point and Beyond the Breaking Point. That's weird.

• Logan: No, that's Trina's. She's without her lip gloss. It's possible she's suffering out there.

• Veronica Voiceover: My own dad has lost total libidinal control.

• Veronica: How long does it take you to create a highly incriminating, thoroughly libelous, sexually explicit website?

  Mac: Uh...forty-five minutes, give or take?

• Logan: Ah, mass transit. But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rustbucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go. Veronica: Wow, I'll just try to keep this little gesture in mind this weekend when you and Dick and the Beaver are off getting blasted and scamming cheerleaders. Logan: Yeah...yeah. Actually, I had to tell Dick I'm not available, 'cause I have other plans. Veronica: There are cheerleaders with low self-esteem available domestically?

• Veronica: I'll pencil you in.

  Logan: So it's, uh...what is the word? A date?

• Cliff: "Screw you, pig." Nice. Okay, like a big girl now?

• Veronica Voiceover: Of course. They have to have something sensible like a password to prevent people like me from doing what I'm trying to do.

• Carmen: I was waiting for the rest of school to leave so that I could sneak home without being assailed with any frozen desserts.

• Veronica: It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass.

• Veronica Voiceover: An hour early to school is pretty brown-nosey, but even at Neptune yachting is not a recognized excuse for a late English report.

• Veronica: How's it hangin', Tad? Let me guess: uncomfortable?

• Veronica: Yeah, I know. You roofied your girlfriend. "Class" with a capital "K."