Who's Who of Veronica Mars — J

J. Geils
See Geils, J.
J. More
See More, J.
J. Price
See Price, J.
J.B. Riley
See Riley, J.B.
J.D. Sansone
See Sansone, J.D.

Student at Neptune High. He is not as good a basketball player as Wallace, he's not as rich as the 09ers and he is not allergic to parrots or goats. This adds up to Jack being a dirty, low-down, game-fixing mascot-napper in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."


Played by Christopher Babers.
Jack Artman
See Artman, Jack
Jack Billet
See Billet, Jack
Jack Frost
See Frost, Jack
Jack London
See London, Jack
Jack Montana
See Montana, Jack
Jackie Cook
Jackie Onassis
See Onassis, Jackie
Jackson, David

Yet another member of the Castle. His name is probably a shoutout to someone, but we don't know who. Maybe it's YOU! We're sure you wish you had the bright future this man was promised by his inclusion in this secret society. It would be better than the future of Rick Pickett, who we are going to hunt down and maim for being so damn good at his job and including so many names in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."


Jackson Douglas
See Douglas, Jackson
Jackson, Phil

Zen basketball coach of the L.A. Lakers. He turns Aaron on. He also recommends Hesse's Siddhartha to him. Aaron's children aren't quite so convinced when Logan captures his father's alleged epiphany in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."


Jacob Bruce
See Bruce, Jacob
Jacob Seideman
See Seideman, Jacob
Jagger, Mick

Lead singer of the Rolling Stones. If Mick Jagger had married Lynn Echolls, would the size of their offspring's lips have allowed them to float like balloons? Veronica is brought to earth with a bump when Jagger's dulcet tones warn her of imminent seduction in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."


Jaime Escalante
See Escalante, Jaime
Jaime Leahy
See Leahy, Jaime
Jake Kane
Jake Smith
See Smith, Jake
Jakob, Alfons Maria

German neurologist and one of the discoverers of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, or CJD. He and Hans Creutzfeldt first described the fatal disease in the 1920s. Ironically, some of their patients may not have actually had CJD. Who knew you could get credit for accurately describing something totally unrelated to what's actually presented to you? Some of my university professors owe me some retroactive points on exams. Jakob's name gets dropped in 3.14 "Mars, Bars."



Childhood friend of Apollo Bukenya. As a conscripted child soldier in Uganda, James was forced to murder Apollo's mother when the other soldiers realized that he knew Apollo. We'd try to make some witty joke, but it's really just too sad of a story in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."


James Clark
See Clark, James
James Anderson
See Anderson, James
James Bond
See Bond, James
James "Jim" Cho
See Cho, James "Jim"
James Dirk
See Dirk, James
James Epstein
See Epstein, James
James Feniress
See Feniress, James
James T. Kirk
See Kirk, James T.
James, LeBron

A star basketball player picked right out of high school, LeBron is thought to be the next Michael Jordan (without the whole retiring-to-play-baseball-and-star-in-Looney Tunes-movies). Unfortunately, the LeBron James of Chicago's Trevor Hale High School is Rashard Rucker, who hit a wino while driving drunk. Oops! At least he didn't take gifts from advertising agents. That we know about. The Poor Man's Michael Jordan gets a Poor Man of himself who hits poor men in 2.11 "Donut Run."


Dr. James Naismith
See Naismith, Dr. James
James, Rebecca
James A. Thomas
See Thomas, James A.
James, Tracy

A former Neptune High cheerleader who has huge...tracts of land. Headlights. Funbags. Shirt puppies. Sweater meat. Gazongas. Jugs. Melons. Hooters. Knockers. Breasticles. Okay, you get the idea. She's a cheerleader for the Bruins and gives Veronica the 4-1-1 off-screen (damn!) in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."


Played by Candace Moon.

Gabrielle's older boyfriend from Blender, the L.A. nightclub. If her parents knew, they'd disown her. She sneaks out with Yolanda Hamilton for nookie in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."


Jamie #2

Gambling gopher of college casino king Mercer Hayes. This kid doesn't look old enough to play Old Maid, never mind poker. As for buying booze, even in liberal, corrupt Neptune, it's laughable. Yet Mercer sends him out for the vodka in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."


Jamison Turvey
See Turvey, Jamison
Jane Austen
See Austen, Jane
Jane Doe
See Doe, Jane
Jane Kuhne
Jane Sierra
See Sierra, Jane

Girl whose friend is passed out on the dance floor. She's the kind of girl you want on your side: empathetic, caring, and kind, she wouldn't leave you stranded if you were drunk and would carry you to safety herself and make sure you're okay. Well, either that, or she'd call some rather shady characters to do the fireman's carry for her and try not to step on you while she's dancing. Her drunk friend gets Fern's royal treatment in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."


Played by Jamie Chung.

Janitor at Hearst College. All he did was get paid to clean the floor outside Tim Foyle's office, but he finds himself drawn into a life of illicit breaking and entering when Veronica gets her claws into him. Okay, so mostly he just lets her into Foyle's office when Veronica tearfully explains that she's Tim's adopted sister in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."


Played by Wayne Nickel.

Neptune High student. Veronica's third customer for her thriving I Know What You Did Last Century, Mom and Dad business for errant teens in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."


Played by Amber Ojeda.
Jasmine #2

Character in Aladdin on Ice. Debra Villareal is playing her on tour, whether it be in Omaha or in Europe. Veronica is a little confused in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."


Jasmine #3

Taut blonde in Taut Blonde. "Taut" is a synonym for "tight," which is the opposite of "loose." Wouldn't a loose blonde be more appropriate for this sort of publication? Why would a purveyor of pornography be interested in a woman who is ti...oh. Eww. How did the UPN censors miss this in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction"?



Hearst College student and friend of Bronson. Logan took his place as Parker's partner in a Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt when Jason was conveniently unavailable. Hmm. A little too convenient, if you ask me. Jason is obviously an agent planted by the anti-Logan/Veronica 'shippers as part of an elaborate plot to set up Logan and Parker in 3.14 "Mars, Bars."


Jason Brock
See Brock, Jason
Jason Cohen
See Cohen, Jason
Jason O'Dell
Jason Patterson
See Patterson, Jason
Jason Pecannie
See Pecannie, Jason
Jason Potiker
See Potiker, Jason

Basketball player at Hearst College. Playing as #23 in practice sessions at least, he is called upon by one of his teammates to get underneath the ball. Why? Well, either it is a direction to facilitate the playing of the sport, or his teammate is looking for something quite different for his ball in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."


Jay Gomer
See Gomer, Jay
Jay Gatsby
See Gatsby, Jay
Jay Leno
See Leno, Jay
Jean Horton
See Horton, Jean
Jean Scribeer
See Scribeer, Jean

The Jeannie with the light brown hair of song fame. Not to be confused with the genie with the so-light-brown-it's-blonde hair, played by Barbara Eden on I Dream of Jeannie. (Doo do doo doo do do. Damn, that theme song is hard to get out of your head.) Lars serenades his girlfriend and tortures the rest of us in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."

-Inigo, alliterator

Jeannie #2

Girlfriend of Lars, she likes her love expressed through karaoke. Unfortunately, she learns that Love Hurts (especially when Lars sings) in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."



Logan's name for the desk manager at the Sunset Regent hotel in Los Angeles. We could tell you about the fictional character — the stupid Bertie Wooster's very smart butler in Wodehouse's wonderful series on the idiocy and pomposity of the British upper classes — but why would we when we have our very own idiotic and pompous pretend Brit to celebrate? The desk manager goes from prickly prat to unctuous underling at the sparkle of a diamond ring. He is responsible for affiancing sugar puss Veronica and Logan, albeit briefly. He delights and appalls in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."



Karaoke club opportunist and prat. (Noun. A fool, idiot or objectionable person. Originally meaning the buttocks.) He was offered twenty bucks to pretend to be the Great Triton in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."


Jeff Cotter
See Cotter, Jeff
Jeff M.
See M., Jeff
Jeff Ratner
Jefferson Davis "Boss" Hogg
See Hogg, Jefferson Davis "Boss"
Jeffrey Ellis
See Ellis, Jeffrey
Jeffrey Lebowski
See Lebowski, Jeffrey
Jeffries, Miss

Teacher at Neptune High. Isn't there a law that requires teachers to wear bras? Flagrant contravention appears to be going on in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."


Played by Monique Gaffney.

Bachelorette babe and friend of Heidi Kuhne. Jen's a gem, as she had all the answers to the mystery of the missing bride had Veronica Mars but listened. She provided the novelty camera that captured Vincent Van Lowe, and she mentioned the ex-boyfriend Nick and the injury to his mother. But Little Miss "I want to be a well-known TV-forum moderator" told her to stay on topic in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."


Played by Danielle Vernengo.
Jen #2

Hearst College student. There's always someone around to dime Veronica out when she's minding her own business, snooping and conniving to solve a mystery. Jen warns Stacy that Veronica is lying about her true motives in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."


Played by Einat Tubi.
Jen #3

Student at Hearst College who lives across the hall from Parker and Mac. Her roommate's name is Kim #5, and she might even be the same person as Jen #2. Seriously, VM gods, either introduce us to these people so we know whether they're all the same or not, or start giving them more creative names! These kids are of the Madison generation! Oh, wait... At least Jen's got more messages than that bitch Kim in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."



Hearst student and devout Christian. You've got a deserted frat house that has been witness to underage drinking, casual drug use, and lots and lots of monkey sex. What would Jesus do? Scrub down those walls, clear the plumbing lines of used prophylactics, and resurrect it as a residence for Christian students. Jennifer suggests just that in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."


Played by Jennifer Thomas.
Jennifer Bradbury
See Bradbury, Jennifer
Jennifer Love Hewitt
See Hewitt, Jennifer Love
Jennifer Lopez
See Lopez, Jennifer
Jennifer Stansfield
See Stansfield, Jennifer
Jennifer Stevens
See Stevens, Jennifer
Jennings Crawford
See Crawford, Jennings
Jennings, Eric

Member of the Castle, class of 1928. Much like the middle sibling in a popular sitcom family, Eric had to put up with a less popular sibling always trying to steal the spotlight that, clearly, he deserved. I wonder if Eric's little brother ever ranted "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" at the ominous meetings of the Castle. The family secrets remain unrevealed in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."


Jennings, Steven

Member of the Castle, class of 1935. The younger brother of Eric Jennings, Steven wasn't initially going to be asked to join the Castle. After complaining to his parents ("Daaaaaaaad! Eric won't let me in his super-secret organization again!" "Eric, let your brother play!") he was grudgingly let in, though he did have to put up with the occasional wedgie and noogie. Poor little Steven's on the list in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."



Hearst College theater props master. She can't come up with a solution for a sticky prank played by the film students, and her Molly Ringwald-goes-Molière wardrobe choice makes you wish for some nice chicken bones to throw at her. We would call her a tool, but the synchronised murderous glares she and her fellow thespians throw at wise-cracking Veronica almost make up for her dorkier tendencies in 3.05 "President Evil."


Played by Jennifer Segal.
Jenny Budosh
Jeremy Davis
See Davis, Jeremy
Jeremy Masterson
See Masterson, Jeremy
Jeremy Nickerson
See Nickerson, Jeremy
Jeremy, Ron

Porn star. His reliability of performing on cue, his stamina, and his ten inches guarantee him a place in the adult entertainment firmament. He's pudgy and he's got a lavatory brush moustache, but it's not these qualities that bring him to Veronica's mind when forced to contemplate Hallie's attraction to the rich, wheelchair-bound Budd Rose in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."


Jerk 09er

Teasing mentally challenged classmate Charlie endears this young man neither to Wallace Fennel, nor to us in 2.17 "Plan B."


Played by Sabin Lomac.
Jerky Dude

Anxious that Neptune High's general asshat average might sink below a certain point, this guy enhances Carmen's social abandonment fears by mocking her with a popsicle. He lives up to his moniker in 1.20 "M.A.D.."


Played by Andre Boyer.
Jerome Warner
See Warner, Jerome
Jerome Bellows
See Bellows, Jerome

Boss of Carly Hearn and Marvin Chase. He is occupied with trying to get his "side project" Joe to "turn around" based on some "projections" he made at "bingo," at least according to Marvin. Right, whatever. Either he was really busy hitting on Joe, or all this dialogue was just filler so Keith could get an alleged money-shot that later turns out to be...not so much. So, Jerry and Joe and their tedious love story are really just background noise in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."


Jerry Cavin
See Cavin, Jerry
Deputy Jerry Sacks
Jerry Springer
See Springer, Jerry
Jesse Fuller
See Fuller, Jesse

Email correspondent of Dick Casablancas who was sent the video of Veronica and Piz doing a reenactment of The Full Monty. If Jesse has a girl, we hope she doesn't know what kind of emails he gets forwarded by his buddies in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."



Name of a college girl who advertises as one of a threesome in the X-rated classifieds. If Jessica's made it to college, does this mean that she can now tell the difference between chicken and tuna? Since she and June sell themselves as "three" college girls, the answer is probably not in the affirmative. Jessica continues to display her educational standards in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."


Jessica #2

Hearst College student. When Mason brings her by Wallace's room, she encourages him to watch a movie and study later. Her thousand-watt smile makes Wallace close the books in 3.05 "President Evil."


Played by Kimberly Barnett.
Jessica Cavin
See Cavin, Jessica
Jessica Crinkshaw
See Crinkshaw, Jessica
Jessica Denney
See Denney, Jessica
Jessica Fuller
Jessica Peale
See Peale, Jessica
Jessica Prindle
See Prindle, Jessica
Jessica K. Sardford
See Sardford, Jessica K.
Jessica Simpson
See Simpson, Jessica
Jessie Doyle
See Doyle, Jessie
Jessie Ford
See Ford, Jessie

Rock band from Australia whose poster hangs in both Mac's and Piz's rooms. Mac shares her room with Parker, and Parker is certainly no cold hard bitch, but, oh, Hearst rapist, look what you've done! Did she really answer yes to "Are you gonna be my girl?" We hope you get what you need: a kick in the nuts from Fern Delgado in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon" or an uncomfortable dance with Liam in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."


All bios: 3.07 3.01

Gamer name at Gameland. Although there is the appropriate handle Tedster available to him, Ted fights under the name Jezebel. Freud would love Ted, one of the gaming geeks in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."


Jill Hanks
See Hanks, Jill
Jilly Ho
See Ho, Jilly

A fake name for someone who already has a fake name. See, Norman Phipps is pretending to be Logan's half-brother, Charlie Stone. Then, for some unknown reason, Logan calls him Jim and implies they were with hookers when he sees Veronica. Really, I'm just as clueless about why Logan called Charlie Norman "Jim" as Logan was about Norman's real identity in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."


Jim Chimory
See Chimory, Jim
Jim Hunsaker
See Hunsaker, Jim
Jim Rockford
See Rockford, Jim

Victim or mourner? At the site of the makeshift memorials to the victims of the Neptune High School bus crash, one victim's shrine is marked with a heart and a name. Did Jimmy plunge to his death, or was Jimmy a friend, a relation, or a lover of someone who did? Knowing how people can be, he was probably just a phantom graffiti artist in 2.02 "Driver Ed."


Jimmy Carter
See Carter, Jimmy
Jimmy Choo
See Choo, Jimmy
Jimmy Day
See Day, Jimmy
Jimmy Hoffa
See Hoffa, Jimmy
Jimmy Hoffman
See Hoffman, Jimmy
Jimmy Spain
See Spain, Jimmy
Jimmy Wilson
See Wilson, Jimmy
Jisoo Hong
See Hong, Jisoo
Jo Jo

A name on a whiteboard in the office of Hearst Free Press and probably not a pop singer. Given how fast and loose that paper's agenda-fueled editor is with responsible journalism, Jo Jo is no doubt out there somewhere on campus looking for dirt on the Greeks. Here's some for you, Jo Jo. Retsina is made of turpentine, Feta cheese smells, and Hercules was a wuss. Surprisingly, these headlines did not appear in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."



A student at Handley High with the real, though deceased, Kendall Shiflett. Sadly, her surname begins with an S, so Joan Crawford, Joan of Arc and Joan Collins jokes have no place here. Hey, I wonder if Handley High was in Arcadia? Will wonders ever cease in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks"?


Joan Crawford
See Crawford, Joan
Joan of Arc

Saint. Aaron gives Veronica a little history lesson before trying to burn her to death, you know, to make her feel in good company. But being the twisted S.O.B. he is, he tells her Joan had a brain tumor and didn't talk to God at all; that her death by fire was for nothing. He is seeking to make a point in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver."



Nude model for Andre. Of all the hot cast members to do a nude scene, the writers choose this two-scene guest star?! What an incredible waste of gratuitous nudity! She shows Veronica her ass-ets in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."

-Inigo, wyk

Played by Deborah Zoe.

Purveyor of a beer that comes in a wide-mouthed bottle. The advertisement at Corey's Market shows a buxom buckaroo advertising the beverage, and it begs the question as to whether she's the big mouth Joc in question, or if she just favors the brew. Joc of course could be related to Joe, of Joe's Big Mouth fame. Joe's Big Mouth is the drink of choice of crafty little buggers everywhere, but there's no telling who's drinking Joc's in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."


Jocelyn Aardwick Douglas
See Douglas, Jocelyn Aardwick
Jodie Levine
See Levine, Jodie

A name that decorates the wall of the unused dorm wing used by Dr. Kinny for his little experiments. Joe dealt with his prisoner/guard issues by writing "Joe was here" on the wall. Rhyme-mate Moe dealt with it by becoming a gourmand, as proved by his love for Oolong tea in the past and his offer of biscotti in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."


Joe #2

A side project of Jerry, according to Carly Hearn. Who? Exactly. See, Carly is about to try to seduce Marvin Chase, who is Keith's client Harmony's husband. Whew. All those words for stuff with so little import in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."


Joe #3

One of Desmond's babysitters before Piz took over. We wonder if "Joe" might have been an easier name for Desmond to remember than "Pus" "Plax" "Pez" "Fez" "Buzz" "La Paz" "Piz" in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."


Joe Allen
See Allen, Joe
Joe College
See College, Joe
Joe Frazier
See Frazier, Joe
Joe Hardy
See Hardy, Joe
Joe Strummer
See Strummer, Joe

Presumed friend of Jenny Budosh. Perhaps another spoiled rich kid who still gets a kick out of petty theft, Joey leaves a message for his or her pal while Jenny is off skiing or fraternizing with other white-collar criminals. The name automatically prompts suspicion. Buttafuoco, Potter, the titular Concrete Blonde subject? Anyone past the age of twelve, man or woman, shouldn't be using this nickname. Joey — honey — Jenny's got — the money in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."


Joey Travolta
See Travolta, Joey

Anchor on the Navigator, Neptune High School's very own TV news station. Does he sing karaoke and have a hard time keeping a girlfriend too? John's calm yet chirpy demeanor disappears when his roving correspondent outs herself at the end of her news report. His look of horror indicates the brilliant career ahead of him at Fox News in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."


Played by Nathan L Davis.
John Lennon
See Lennon, John
John #2

Fellow Space Ghost fan? Hallmate jonesing for Cheetos? Anthony's got lots of visitors in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."


John #2 Smith
See Smith, John #2
John #3 Smith
See Smith, John #3
John #4 Smith
See Smith, John #4
John Brown
See Brown, John
John De Lorean
See De Lorean, John
John Q. Doe
See Doe, John Q.
John Enbom
See Enbom, John
John Enbom, Sr.
See Enbom Sr., John
John Fenn
See Fenn, John
John Frampton
See Frampton, John
John Wayne Gacy
See Gacy, John Wayne
John Hall
See Hall, John
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
See Kennedy, John Fitzgerald
John Kretchmer
See Kretchmer, John
John Mayer
See Mayer, John
John McGill
See McGill, John
John Ramos
See Ramos, John
John G. Roberts
See Roberts, John G.
John, Sean

Designer of "well-made, sophisticated fashion forward clothing that also reflected an urban sensibility and style." If the blurb from his own marketing machine sounds slick, just think about the man himself. He's had more names than Jarod of The Pretender and more lives than a cat. Puff Daddy/P.Diddy/Sean "P.Diddy" Combs/Sean Combs has walked many roads and just one of them shows up on Wallace's breast in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."


John Shaft
See Shaft, John
John Smith
See Smith, John
John Travolta
See Travolta, John
John Wayne
See Wayne, John
Johnnie Cochran
See Cochran, Johnnie
Johnny Damon
See Damon, Johnny
Johnny Law
See Law, Johnny
Johnny Ludden
See Ludden, Johnny
Johnny Scopes
See Scopes, Johnny
Johnson, Mr.

Chicago high school basketball player. According to the Chicago Statesman Box Scores, he had seven points and eight rebounds in Trevor Hale High School's basketball win against charter school NLCP; three points and seven rebounds in the win against Yates; four points, three assists, and seven rebounds in the team's win against Catholic school St. Michael's; and four points, one assist, and nine rebounds against Palmer. Um. Is that good? And more importantly, was he in the Hummer? Questions arise in 2.11 "Donut Run."


Johnson, Deputy

One of Lamb's deputies. He was originally hired by Keith during his reign as sheriff. Deputy Johnson, together with Deputy Meeks, manage to lose Ray Lee Hampstead. The current sheriff would say these facts are related because he is a jerk who has made passing the buck an art form, as he shows in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."


Johnson, Tammy

Associated Press journalist. Tammy authored the article "New Life Cathedral opening ceremony today in San Diego." Quite a succinct title, don't you think? But you know what would have really spiced up the ceremony and gotten more people to go? A Buddy Christ! Too bad Tammy has no Buddiness in her heart in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."


Jon Bon Jovi
See Bon Jovi, Jon
Jon Stewart
See Stewart, Jon

Name on Wallace's whiteboard. Wallace has written himself a reminder to meet Jonathan on Friday, after such other tasks as "Learn to read" (Monday), "Learn to write my name" (Tuesday), and "Stop counting on toes" (Wednesday). We hope Jonathan is some kind of gifted tutor who can bridge the gap between learning to count past twenty and passing mechanical engineering in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."


Jonathan Hillhouse
See Hillhouse, Jonathan
Jonathan Peterson
See Peterson, Jonathan
Jones, Deputy

A Balboa County Deputy and partner of Deputy Smith. How do we know they are partners? Heck, Smith and Jones go together like Marmite and cheese, chocolate and pilchards, bananas and acorns! Although, he was partnered with Deputy Haymark in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb." Now Smith and Jones just have to find another job to be partners in, 'cause Keith fired them in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."


All bios: 3.16 1.11
Jones, Gary

Castle member, class of 1932. Hmm, could he be related to Spencer Jones, his classmate and fellow Castle member? Maybe they're twins — conjoined ones! Only the Castle didn't really want Spencer, but what could they do? Maybe they gave him extra shocks — but wouldn't that hurt Gary as well? It's a medical quandary in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."


Jones, Indiana

An archaeologist. The original tomb raider, only male and without gigantic breasts, Indiana Jones (he named himself after his dog) had thrilling adventures with a variety of hot women and sidekicks, including Short Round, the Asian Sensation. Bonnie longs to be the female version of him, per Phyllis, in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."


Jones, Jalisa

Discoverer of fake IDs. She may have missed out on a water polo team, but Jalisa Jones didn't skip the book learnin': Fibonacci and Plath are just warm ups for this brainy homegirl with a snarky streak as wide as Veronica's. Jones nails Niels Bohr (that came out wrong) AND leads Veronica to the Weevil-framers in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."


Played by Tangie Ambrose.
Jones, Spencer

Castle member, class of 1932. Possible unwanted conjoined twin of Gary Jones — or perhaps just another pledgemate sharing his common last name. We'll never know, seeing as his text file remains unread in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."


Jones, Sugar

An escort. She entices Cliff, lets him think she's an OB/GYN, handcuffs him to a bed, and steals his briefcase (containing the files for Logan Echolls' case), all for a mysterious man in a garage. Not a bad day's work for a working girl in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."

-public displays of lust
Played by Angelica Bridges.
Jones, Terry

A Python, of the Monty family. Terry co-directed Monty Python and the Holy Grail with Terry Gilliam, as well as directing The Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life. So, from now on, just call Anthony Martin "Loretta." He's not oppressing the people in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."


Jong, Erica

Author of Inventing Memory, a book on Timothy Foyle's bookshelf. Jong is an American author whose works focus on women's issues. Inventing Memory follows the stories of four generations of women in one family, and stays true to Jong's form: gratuitious sexual vulgarity and descriptions of women's sexual desires. Maybe Foyle isn't a Criminology major after all — maybe he's a Women's Studies major. Or maybe he has other reasons for wanting to know about women's desires and sexuality. Either way, the book seems out of place in a shelf full of criminology books in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."


Jordan, Michael

Basketball player. At practice, Wallace is on fire the night he fades away like Jordan in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."


Jordan Taylor
See Taylor, Jordan
Jorge Zidio
See Zidio, Jorge
Joseph Abbott
See Abbott, Joseph
Joseph Mann
See Mann, Joseph
Joseph Pulitzer
See Pulitzer, Joseph

Cult leader and pointsettia grower. He heads the Moon Calf Collective. Josh must be evil as he encourages love and understanding and this is Neptune. He tries to persuade Veronica to open herself up and let other people inside. One of his six impossible things before breakfast? And so what if he cops a feel (Vrb phrs. Get a feel of something, often applied to a grope of a sexual nature. E.g."Is it any wonder that she reported him for sexual harrassment, he always copped a feel of her bottom whenever she walked past his desk.") at the same time in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid"?


Played by Chris William Martin.
Josh Groban
See Groban, Josh
Josh Barry
Josh Hartnett
See Hartnett, Josh
Josh Ritter
See Ritter, Josh
Joshua Nickerson
See Nickerson, Joshua
Josie Shelman
See Shelman, Josie
José Lunchpail
See Lunchpail, José
Joulet, Rhett

Pi Sigma-ite. Rhett? No, seriously, Rhett? There are still people out there naming their unfortunate sons Rhett? This strikes me as very unlikely. Rhett (Rhett!) quite possibly doesn't give a damn in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."

-public displays of lust

Jovovich, Milla

Actress and general hottie. In The Fifth Element, Milla as Leeloo was the savior of the universe. In The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, Milla as Joan was the savior of France (for a while, at least). In Resident Evil, Milla as Alice was the savior of...evil scientists? Not really sure what happened there. Anyway, Milla could save Max from his own virginity any time, if only she were a B-cup, in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."



She can be found at the Hot Tamale in Tijuana. We're not quite sure what she did to Logan to make him go "aye-yi-yi-yi" but no doubt it was something spiritually exhausting. Is it wrong that we find a hung-over, on-the-verge-of-puking Logan still incredibly hot in in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody"?

-Inigo, wyk

Juanita Gant
See Gant, Juanita

Biblical betrayer. He's basically the worst guy of all time since he sold out Jesus for a measly thirty pieces of silver. Dante thinks he deserves to be eaten by Satan for all eternity! Piz seems to think Wallace deserves the same fate just for considering macking on the same hot chick that he wants to mack on in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."


Jude Law
See Law, Jude

Presiding over the biker case. This lady must have limited experience of the world. She has to ask what was going on in the sheriff's department vehicle outside the Seventh Veil. Anyone with eyes and a rudimentary knowledge of men's parts would know. The only virgin to appear in 1.01 "Pilot"?


Played by Annie Hinton.

One of the Ladies of the Evening who advertises her "Motherly Love." Judy, Judy, Judy, how...sweet? Will she make the dreams that you dare to dream come true? Will your troubles melt like lemon drops way above her...riding crops? Somehow, I don't think Judy is like a happy little bluebird in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."


Judy Blume
See Blume, Judy
Judy Rainier
See Rainier, Judy
Judy Scrivano
See Scrivano, Judy

Regular at the video store at which Justin Smith works. She just loves his movie recommendations. If only she loved anti-aging cream half as much, we wouldn't feel so bad for this rapidly-aging former Homicide detective. Another reason she drives ninety miles a week to satisfy her DVD rental addiction is exposed in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."


Played by Melissa Leo.
Julia #2

Logan and Wallace's sociology classmate. Despite her hopes for a weekend in solitary confinement with her boyfriend Omar, she ended up a guard to his prisoner in the class experiment, and even teamed up with Wallace to trick Omar into revealing the top-secret information in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."


Played by Delilah Andre.

Veronica's make-believe friend. Thoughts of Julie make Veronica perky. Or a little insane. She asks Renny DeMouy for Julie's password to wish her sweet sixteen in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."


Julie Bloch
See Bloch, Julie
Julie Chen
See Chen, Julie

Pomeranian belonging to Selma Hearst Rose. Along with his brother Ernest, Selma has named them after famous winemakers Ernest and Julio Gallo. One could make fun of Selma for being a snob, but another one would have to point out that, after some research, it appears that E&J were a great American success story, pulling themselves up by their bootstraps after the Depression and forging a huge California industry almost single-handedly. Another one wonders why all the ones and such. ANYwho, this Pomeranian is saddled with a silly name in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."


Julius Caesar
See Caesar, Julius
Julius Richard Petri
See Petri, Julius Richard

A name on the Pi Sigma scoreboard. Either this nickname means he's fat or someone can't spell "Dumbo." We're think it might be a combination of the two in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."


Jumbo #2

A big, two-dimensional clown hanging high above the Neptune streets, keeping watch over Jumbo's Clown Wash. Hey, if this is a clown wash, why is Weevil washing cars? Shouldn't he be hosing down some scary dudes in oversized shoes, red noses, and creepy face-paint? Instead, Jumbo's pink-and-green hair and four oversized teeth presumably attract customers to Weevil's place of employment in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."


Jumpy, Miss

What vivacious Veronica calls jealous Julie. Julie jumps (but fails to ask how high) in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."



Together with Jessica and A.N. Other, unless counting is not in the curriculum, one of the "Three College Girls" who offer...services. Exactly what those services are is not spelled out. The classified ad says, "We've got the only [something] Massage team specializing in the [something] [something] [something] [something] stimulate all the [something] glands and '[something] [something]' hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.... Do you get the point of what we're trying to get across to you? If so, give us a ring and we'll get [something] [something]!" Cow! Get away from that phone! For the curious, their number can be found in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."


June of 44

Indie band on a poster in Max's room. If you think that the band's name comes from D-Day, June 6, 1944, like I did, well...you'd be wrong. It actually refers to Henry Miller's wife, June, and the year that Anaïs Nin began writing about June in her diaries, which is much more artistic and esoteric. No word on whether Max likes the band because they have a cool name, because of their math-rock style, or for some other reason, but he maintains his loyalty to this band, which broke up in 2000, in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."


Jurgensen, Mike

Oöthur øøff imeeel tü Vüüdy Gøødmun. Bork Bork Bork!. Ves it a seenging meessife-a? "Yøørn desh bøørn, der ritt de gitt der güe, orn desh, dee bøørn desh, de ümn bork! bork! bork!" Søørely zee qooesshun øøff vhezeer oor nüt zee Svedeesh Cheff ves vreeting tü Neptøøne-a's Cuoonty Søøperfeesur ves øøff mure-a interest thun Loocky's imeeels, Feruneeca Mers. Yet, yüoo jøøst scrulled oon by in 2.21 "Hoppy Gø Lookcy."


Juror (Foreman)

Speaker of dimwits. Look, we know that Aaron Echolls is a charming man, and his acting in the courtroom is ample proof that he deserves those two Oscars, but seriously, he killed Lilly Kane. With an ashtray. On purpose. All the acting in the world won't change that. Get with the program, guys! Alas, Aaron's performance trumps reason, as this woman's words attest in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."


Played by Shelley Wenk.
Justin Goldberg
See Goldberg, Justin
Justin Mize
See Mize, Justin
Justin Smith
See Smith, Justin
Justin Timberlake
See Timberlake, Justin

Balboa Animal Control worker and bad guy. Together with Hans, he kidnaps the dogs of the rich and returns only those whose owners offer large rewards. As for the rest, we don't want to think about it. We wish he'd resisted arrest because Leo was so up for giving him a smackdown in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."


Played by Theodore R. Mercer Jr..

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