FAQ: Season 3

Almost everything you wanted to know about Seasons One and Two, but were afraid to ask, can be found in the FAQs for Seasons One and Two. Clever, huh? If you still have burning questions, you can email us and we may answer. Or we may put your question here, so others can join us in mocking you.

The Part Where We Actually Answer Questions About the Show

Q: What happened in Season Two?
A: Now, see, here's the thing. Unlike Season One, Season Two was sprawling and complex. Note that in order to avoid this answer being half a page long, we have had to strip it down to its barest essentials: Bad Beaver bombed bus. Fine Felix felled for felonious Fitzpatricks. Kane kid kidnapped kiddie. After avoiding accountability, Aaron assassinated.

Q: W-w-wait just a minute! You're not getting away with that!
A: Damn.

Q: What happened to the school bus?
A: Click the link and all will be revealed.

Q: Not sweet, put-upon Beaver, surely?
A: More like psycho-on-speed Cassidy. Never underestimate the adverse effects of growing up a Casablancas.

Q: Is Beaver Cassidy really dead?
A: What, you missed the splat?

Q: Did Sheriff Lamb die when Woody's plane exploded?
A: No. Like Keith, Lamb wasn't on the plane. Strictly red-shirts on the plane. And Woody the pervert.

Q: Who planted C4 in Terrence Cook's locker?
A: That's a really good question. If you figure it out, let us know, huh?

Or we presume Beaver did it, while he was planting C4 on Woody's plane. That question is never directly answered in the show.

Q: And who killed Felix?
A: Same answer as for the bus crash, except for the "all will be revealed" bit as, arguably, there are a few holes in that one...

Q: But this cattle guy says that Cervando did it, and he, like, knows Rob Thomas!
A: Cattle guy does know Rob Thomas. This does not prevent him from occasionally speaking out of his ass.

Q: What part did the Fitzpatricks and/or Kendall play in any of this?
A: You keep hitting us with those stumpers.

Q: Well, we'll never know now, will we? I mean, each season is complete and whole.
A: Actually...not quite. You know how in Season One, Veronica learned that she wasn't raped at Shelly Pomroy's party, but just had drugged sex with Duncan? She didn't have the whole story. Duncan was the second guy to enjoy her favors that night.

Q: You don't mean...?
A: We do. Along with murdering eight people to silence two, setting up his father for a fall, attempting to manipulate the murder of his explosives supplier by the bikers and, on their failure to do the deed, killing the man himself, and blowing up a plane killing another three or more folk, Beaver did indeed rape Veronica at Shelly's party, facilitated by big brother Dick. We said he was bad.

Q: Is Amelia DeLongpre really dead?
A: Those of us who are happy to take things at face value, or who recognize that budget considerations dictate not paying the actress to show up, are satisfied that the cold, dead hand in the ice machine is that of Amelia DeLongpre. Those of us with a more suspicious nature wouldn't be shocked to see her again one day.

Now, we must remind you. Season THREE! Enough of this harking back to the past.

Q: I've heard there are some new names in the credits. Is that really true?
A: So we hear. Both Michael Muhney and Tina Majorino are now regulars and there's word of a couple new characters.

Q: So Veronica is at Stanford, right?
A: Uh, no. You must have missed that moment when, running neck and neck with the horrid Angie Dahl for the coveted Kane Scholarship, Veronica blew off a test to hear the verdict on Aaron Echolls. She's going to the local Hearst College, just ten exits from home.

Q: Is Duncan coming back?
A: Baby, once your character is sent to Australia, it's time to look for a new job.

Q: Why did he leave?
A: Well, Duncan sacrificed his future for the daughter he made with dead Meg, kidnapping her to remove her from the clutches of her crazy Christian maternal grandparents. As for Teddy, let's just say that he's a lovely guy, but he never really connected with the audience.

Q: How old is Veronica now?
A: Can't you guys count? For heaven's sake, she's a year older than she was last year. That's 19 to the mathematically-impaired.

Q: What will be the length of Veronica's hair?
A: Appearances are that it will be long and curly. She's casting aside her straight days to go to college. Lilly did say that college was the place to experiment with non-straight ways.

Q: How high will Wallace's afro be?
A: One foot, two and three-quarter inches. We have that on very good authority.

Q: How many shirtless scenes can the writers get Logan into?
A: We'll be in our bunk.


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