1.22 "Leave It to Beaver"

Aired May 10, 2005


  • Lianne: Connie Francis is spaghetti bolognaise with a crusty bread and a nice Chianti. Uh, sans the Chianti.

    Veronica: Okay, say we were having hot dogs and Tater Tots?

    Lianne: Late seventies southern rock, Skynyrd, maybe Creedence.

    Veronica: Pork chops.

    Lianne: Country, old school.

    Keith: Unless it's fried, then it's Elvis, the early years.

  • Cliff: Tell me this is a joke. You want to sue the Kane family?

    Keith: Yes.

    Cliff: Please tell me there's another Kane family in town. Maybe a Boris and Gilda Kane?

    Keith: They'll settle.

    Cliff: Oh. They will. Well, that's good to hear. Seems like you have this pretty well sewn up. Anything you need me to have notarized?

  • Wallace: "Since his removal from office, Keith Mars, the ousted sheriff, has tirelessly, single-handedly continued his own investigation despite being shunned by the community at large."

    Veronica: You'd think it might be gross to read a love letter to your dad, but I kind of enjoy it.

    Wallace: All I know is if I was him, I'd be "I told you so"-ing all over Neptune.

  • Wallace: My "blonde pulling me into the girls bathroom" fantasy? Ruined.

    Veronica and Wallace: [simultaneously] Do me a favor?

  • Jake: Don't seat the entertainment people next to the corporate people. Let's keep it civil.

    Celeste: Jake. Honey. When did we become Republicans?

    Jake: We haven't, we're, uh, we're going with the flow. Besides the, uh, governor's, uh, very popular and, uh, honestly, it's going to be good for business. And his social policy —

    Celeste: No. Just...spare me.

  • Duncan: So, anyone read the paper today? Garfield. I mean, will he ever learn? Oh yeah, and there was this other thing...I guess Abel Koontz didn't kill Lilly. Let's open the floor for discussion on that one, what do you say?

  • Veronica: Hey.

    Logan: Oh. I exist? Thought I felt different today.

  • Logan: I have this feeling that things are gonna get really bad.

  • Celeste: Veronica relinquishes any future claim to the Kane estate.

    Barry: Contracts are prepared; all we need is your daughter's signature.

    Cliff: Future claims? So what, she slips and falls outside Kane Enterprises, tough toenails?

  • Veronica: You're not trying to burn a hole through a stack of paper using only the power of your stare again?

  • Veronica: What? Was I supposed to sign in blood?

    Keith: Do you know what you just signed away?

    Veronica: There's nothing that I want from them.

    Keith: Nothing. You didn't sign away a thing. Veronica, I am without a doubt your father.

    Veronica: Oh yeah, you are!

    Keith: You think that charm of yours is learned behavior? That's genetics, baby!

  • Aaron: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just barge in here!

    Lamb: Now, come on now. What? You've been in like, what, thirty cop movies?

  • Lamb: You said you were in Mexico the day of Lilly's murder. Why?

    Logan: How many episodes of NYPD Blue did you have to watch to get the finger tapping down?

    Lamb: I asked you a question.

    Logan: And I ignored it and moved on. Keep up.

  • Logan: Hey, it's me. Hey, I'm in kind of a jam. Yeah, I'm here at the lovely sheriff's department, being grilled without representation I might add. Hey, do you think, uh, you could track down my father, maybe work some of that Veronica magic that gets people out of these things?

    Veronica: Sure. I'll...do whatever I can.

    Logan: Thanks. Well, I'd love to chat, but I have a guest.

  • Lamb: Keith. What can I do for you?

    Keith: The Echolls kid. What'd you find out?

    Lamb: Among other things, I'm pretty sure he's dating your daughter. That, uh, girl of yours, she's pretty hard-boiled, huh?

  • Logan: So, I guess we broke up, huh?

    Veronica: What do you want me to say, Logan?

    Logan: "Logan, I'm gonna go home and put my head in the oven because I can't go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am." Something like that!

    Veronica: So you're saying you want me dead?

    Logan: Yes.

    Veronica: One word from me and Backup goes for your throat.

    Logan: Is that what you'd do, boy? You'd tear out my throat? Who's a man killer, huh? Who's a man killer?

  • Keith: Hey! Get away from her! You get away from her, now!

    Logan: I keep thinkin' that things can't get worse, you know? You know what? She's all yours.

    Keith: You two are dating?

    Veronica: Not anymore.

  • Lilly: Veronica, you have to check this out. That guy I met in Italy last summer?

    Veronica: Yeah?

    Lilly: He sent me some pictures.

    Veronica: Doing some rewiring?

    Lilly: Celeste is a bit on the nosy side.

    Veronica: Yuck.

    Lilly: Tell me about it. I'm getting even, though. I left phone numbers on matchbooks for Tyrone and Leroy and Chico around the room. Give the woman a little drama in her life.

    Veronica: Wait...who's Tyrone and Leroy and Chico?

    Lilly: Beats me, but they seem to really upset Mom.

  • Veronica: Lilly, those are naked photos.

    Lilly: They certainly are.

  • Aaron: I want those tapes back!

    Lilly: Mr. Echolls, hi! Sorry, Logan's not here.

    Aaron: I am not playing with you.

    Lilly: Oh, really. Well, you're usually very interested in playing with me.

    Aaron: Lilly, give me the tapes, now.

    Lilly: Like, what, you don't see yourself enough on film?

  • Aaron: Veronica? You're an odd duck. Hey, how many teenage girls keep walkie-talkies in their car?

  • Aaron: I'll let you out as soon as I have my tapes back.

    Veronica: No, thanks. Honestly, I feel safer in here.

    Aaron: Well you know, you shouldn't.

  • Aaron: You know, Lilly never told me where the tapes were hidden either. I, I kinda think there's a cautionary tale in that, Veronica. Something like I'm not going to let a seventeen-year-old piece of ass RUIN MY LIFE!

  • Backup: Grrrr....

  • Keith: Hey, who's your daddy, huh?

    Veronica: I hate it when you say that.

  • Veronica: I know, Mom. I know you're not through drinking, I know you didn't even finish rehab. You checked yourself out and that was my college money. I bet on you, and I lost. I've been doing that my whole life. And I'm through.

    Lianne: Veronica...it's not easy.

    Veronica: I know it's not.

  • Keith: Hey, you.

    Alicia: Veronica didn't want you to be alone.

  • Veronica: Isn't it better, like this?

    Lilly: So much better.

    Veronica: This is how it's supposed to be.

    Lilly: Totally.

    Veronica: This is how it's gonna be. From now on. Right? Lilly?

    Lilly: You know how things are gonne be now, don't you? You have to know.

    Veronica: Just like this. Just like this.

    Lilly: Don't forget about me, Veronica.

    Veronica: I could never.

  • Veronica: I was hoping it would be you.

-Inigo, persnicketier, misskiwi

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