The Great Kiwuzzer vs. Gotallocrat War

(also known as the War of Enunciation)

It all started on August 20, 2005, when InigoMontoya made an innocent comment about this Wallace line in "Clash of the Tritons":

Gave him the four-one-one on our video playback capabilities, you know, leaned on him. Like I was Shaft or somethin'.

Except some people heard this:

Gave him the four-one-one on our video playback capabilities, you know, leaned on him. Got all Shaft or somethin'.

So which was it? "Like I was Shaft" or "Got all Shaft"?

Polter-Cow thought it was the first, while grim squeaker thought it was the second. Soon, all the MINetters were split into two camps—those who heard "Like I was" and those who heard "Got all." The War had begun.

Polter-Cow even went on to have other, non-MINetters listen to the clip with mixed results, while marks of love held a poll on her LiveJournal where "got all" and "like I was" were almost neck and neck. There seemed to be no resolution, no end to this bloody struggle.

alliterator: Okay, "like I was" has three syllables and "got all" only has two, so we should really know which one it is.

Polter-Cow: I KNOW. WHICH IS WHY IT IS OBVIOUSLY THE FORMER.

marks of love: WHAT ABOUT THE G SOUND, COW? WHAT ABOUT THE G?

Polter-Cow: YOU'RE HEARING THE K SOUND IN "LIKE" AS A G SOUND.

Pretty soon, both camps had names: marks of love dubbed the "Like I was" followers Kiwuzzers and lilserf named the "Got all" faction Gotallocrats.

Soon, things took a turn for the worse. All-caps. Cursing.

alliterator: How can "Got" sound like "Like I"? How can "all" sound like "was"? IT MAKES NO SENSE. IT IS SENSELESS.

MY BRAIN IS BROKEN.

Polter-Cow: I KNOW. THAT IS WHY YOU ALL ARE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERERS.

Even after funky-donut watched the video at 1/6 speed about 100 times, listening to reeeeaaallllyyy slllooooowww Peeeeerrrrrcccccy, used her lip-reading skills, and declared herself to be a Kiwuzzer, things weren't over.

Polter-Cow: THANK YOU. I WAS HOPING SOMEONE COULD READ HIS FUCKING LIPS. I AM VINDICATED. I WIN AT LISTENING EVEN THOUGH I AM GOING BLIND.

lilserf: New allegations surfaced today as the Gotallocrat Party accused Kiwuzican campaign managers of "playing the deaf card".

grim squeaker: Gotallocrats will prevail, no matter what.

Inigo: Wrongness often does.

The debate slowed down a bit, until topanga, the only team member on good terms with Percy Daggs III, finally received an email from him sparking up the debate again:

Percy: I said, "Leaned on him, like I was Shaft or somethin'!"

Kiwuzzers were ebullient. They thought the war was over. It wasn't.

grim squeaker: There is only one possible explanation for this: Percy has been brainwashed!

Or even better: He doesn't remember and just said it was "Like I was Shaft", because he likes topanga and wants to be nice to her. That's it! I'm not delusional or anything. Gotallocrats forever! Muahahaha!!!

alliterator: Never give up, never surrender! Gotallocrats forever!

Black_lebaron (honorary Gotallocrat):
We shall Gotall on the beaches;
we shall Gotall on the landing grounds;
we shall Gotall in the fields and streets;
we shall Gotall in the hills;
we shall never kiwuz.

And now, even months after the initial debate has ended, the war is still raging. Countless words and sentences are being sacrificed for the greater good. When will the ceaseless massacring of the English language stop? WHEN?

Listen. And then pick your side.

-alliterator

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