Who's Who of Veronica Mars — S
- S., Misha
An FBLAer with little head for business, although marginally better at it than a certain psychotic jackass, a kidnapper and a dick. Despite Pope's slide showing her last name begins with an S, we reckon that it should be a B and that Misha is moonlighting as an actress on some teen-TV rubbish. That might account for her poor performance and absence in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."-Inigo
- S., Rob
A name on a note. must have had a backup plan if Veronica didn't come up with the goods: take down the sorority girls one by one with the man-whore, Deuce Bigalow himself, as played by the talented Rob Schneider. What girl could resist? Those Theta Beta girls must really be cursing Veronica now, since Nish didn't return Rob's call in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-Inigo
- Sabirah Krimani
- See Krimani, Sabirah
- Miss Sabrina
Phone sex provider. Not really. You see, someone is out to bother Sabrina Fuller. They want to disrupt her studies. They choose a variety of means, one of which is to advertise that she engages in certain extracurricular activities. Frankly, the uptight Miss Fuller could learn something from the loose Miss Sabrina in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."-Inigo
- Sabrina Fuller
- See Fuller, Sabrina
- Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Main character in and title of a TV show. She always won the day, and, as Hamilton Cho wryly notes, her namesake in Neptune is similarly advantaged. Sabrina Fuller may not have magical powers, but she has Veronica working for her, which is much the same thing in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."-Inigo
- Sachen, Greg
A name on a poster. Specifically, a Surfer's Point poster. Whatever that is. Greg doesn't ask what is in a name (probably cause he's never on-screen) in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-alliterator
- Sacks, Deputy Jerry
- Sadie Casablancas
- See Casablancas, Sadie
- Sadie Hawkins
- See Hawkins, Sadie
- Sajak, Pat
The current host of Wheel of Fortune along with Vanna White, Pat has unfortunately passed right by having a fivehead and now is in possession of one of the world's only sixheads. He also has an eerie resemblance to Dan Quayle (but don't tell Dick Cheney that). Mary McDonald misses Pat because of Veronica in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-alliterator
A Keith alias. A County Water Department inspector, Sal checks the pipes at the Moon Calf Collective. Of course, he doesn't really check the pipes. He plants bugs to enable him to eavesdrop on the Collective's activities. He discovers a horrible secret. Listening to them is like listening to The Brady Bunch with a reggae soundtrack. They must be evil. No wonder he is so unhappy when he spots
MarciaVeronica there, in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."-Inigo
Boat salesman. He's got it all: fancy blazer, overly friendly smile, and a clipboard in hand. He's ready to do the hard sell on a bereaved widow, but Mindy makes it easy for him. She picks out a $275,300 "boat" in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-starxdsparrow
Played by Chuck Raucci.
Name on a wall. Much love is declared on the boys' bathroom walls, while much war is fought in the room itself. Sally is one of the recipients of the former in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."-grimsqueaker
- Sally #2
A mysterious woman in Dick and Cassidy's past. Or, considering Dick's most recent tryst, can we assume that she is a "she" at all? Nah. No rational, thinking human being could possibly fall for that same trick twi— Oh...right. Hmm. Well, whoever she is, Dick is scared away from brutalizing his
hotter awesomeryounger brother by mere mention of her name in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."-public displays of lust
A sheepdog in cartoon land. Veronica calls Vinnie this when she finds him watching her. In animator Chuck Jones's well-known parable, Sam and Ralph, a wolf, clock in each morning, exchanging pleasantries, and clock off in similar fashion. In between, Sam beats the crap out of Ralph as the latter tries to eat the sheep. Their livelihoods as sworn enemies depend on each other, the Warner Brothers classic cartoon teaches us. So, wait a minute. This makes Veronica the wolf? This is just one of the many puzzles in 2.11 "Donut Run."-Inigo
- Sam #2
PHAT prankster. He teams up with Darla to initiate Mac and Veronica into PHAT, even going so far as to pose nude himself for their "anti-fur campaign" (and the boy has got some nice abs!)...and then pulling open the curtain. Turns out, he's just comfortable in his own body, but he's not asking everyone else to feel the same way about theirs in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."-fulfilled
Played by Greg Wayne.
- Sam Barrie
- See Barrie, Sam
- Sam Kinison
- See Kinison, Sam
- Sam Rockwell
- See Rockwell, Sam
One of the names on the whiteboard in the interrogation room. Who is s/he? Probably a deputy, but it's one of those things we'll never know. This identity, along with those of Artez and Peters, is just another mystery to be solved in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-tallow
- Samuel Beckett
- See Beckett, Samuel
- Samuel Bloom
- See Bloom, Samuel
- Samuel Horshack
- See Horshack, Samuel
- Samuel Mackenzie
- See Mackenzie, Samuel
- Samuel Nelson Pope
- Sanchez, Detective
LAPD officer. Investigating the disappearance of Steven Batando, he charges Keith with impersonating a county employee but also suspects him in Steven's disappearance. And for some reason, he's pals with Lamb. We hope to God this Sanchez isn't Dirty in 3.05 "President Evil."-Polter-Cow
Played by Ruben C. Gonzalez.
- Sanchez, Dirty
The Hispanic equivalant of Dirty Harry? Or just another excuse for Veronica to make a dirty joke? We're guessing the latter. Don't you remember the "rim job" incident? Man, Veronica's dirtier than a mustache made out of poo (okay, maybe not) in 2.17 "Plan B."-alliterator
- The Sandman
Semi-creepy character in folklore who sprinkles sand into children's eyes to make them sleep, or a dark, brooding ruler of the Dreaming? You decide. Also, would you describe Logan as having "two lips like roses or clovers"? Though I bet many watchers would like to tell him his lonesome nights were over. The Sandman doesn't give Veronica a break in 2.18 "I Am God."-alliterator
- Sansone, Mrs.
Stripper. Alibi.Mother of J.D. and blackmailed by Tim (impersonating Professor Hank Landry) into providing Hank with an alibi for the time of Dean O'Dell's murder. J.D., whose name may or may not actually be short for "Juvenile Delinquent," was on probation under the supervision of a board including Landry, and the threat of revoking her son's freedom was enough to convince Mrs. Sansone to pose as a stripper and claim to have bummed a cigarette from an accused murderer. Of course, if she had raised her son to not steal cough syrup from drugstores in the first place, she might not have had to go to such lengths in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-misskiwi
Played by Dendrie Taylor.
- Sansone, J.D.
Juvenile delinquent and "winner" of a "free" "iPod." It's not that surprising that someone who can fall for Veronica's story about a radio station giveaway would get caught stealing cough syrup from a drugstore. J.D.'s felonious faux pas lands him on probation overseen by a board that includes Professor Hank Landry and leads to his mother being blackmailed into faking Landry's alibi, which in turn leads to the good professor's accidentally killing his lover after being released from custody. See, J.D.? Crime neither pays nor gets you free iPods in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-misskiwi
Played by Jesse James.
- Santa Claus
Father Christmas. It's graduation day and even though it's not the season, everyone is given some awesome presents worthy of Neptune's Santa: Veronica gets some healthy exercise, Logan loses another parent, Duncan gets to order his first murder, Cassidy becomes a hood ornament, and Mac gets a brand-new, shiny trauma all for herself! After his previous visits in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid," 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas," and 2.10 "One Angry Veronica," Santa gets name-checked, to dire results in 2.22 "Not Pictured."-grimsqueaker
All bios: 2.22 2.10 1.09
- Santorum, Rick
A senator from Pennsylvania who compared homosexuality to polygamy, incest, and bestiality. We know he's definitely not the blackmailer of gay students at Neptune High, but we'd prefer to use Dan Savage's definition (warning: not safe for children) in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-alliterator
- Sara Lee
- See Lee, Sara
- Sara M.
- See M., Sara
Receptionist at the Duke Hotel. Or the Villa Marquis. It is a bit of a puzzle, as the hotel seems to change its name halfway through the episode. Anyhoo, we have to think that Sarah is really irked at Dime Bag and his crew for being arrogant arseholes, for she stands back and watches while Veronica cons them in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."-Inigo
Played by Fabiola Francesca.
- Sarah #2
- Sarah #3
She...uh...organizes parties. She may be one of the Benes Hall resident advisors, having that air of authority about her. She may have a well-developed community spirit, having that enthusiasm about her. She may be an upbeat person, having that chirpiness about her. She may be creative and fun, having that eye for design about her. What she doesn't have is a name in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."-Inigo
Played by Jackie Tohn.
- Sarah Eames
- See Eames, Sarah
- Sarah Epstein
- See Epstein, Sarah
- Sarah Kramer
- See Kramer, Sarah
- Sarah Williams
- See Williams, Sarah
- Sardford, Jessica K.
A student at Hearst. Her SDS card can be seen on the Pi Sigma Sigma scoreboard for sexual conquests, which tells us all we need to know about Jesse really: she needs better taste in guys. Jessica's virtue is worth some points in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-public displays of lust
- Saro, Sergeant
The person who took an abandoned baby from the toilets at Neptune High to the hospital. On the night of the prom in 1980, the mewling infant, who would later grow up to be a mewling adult, was found. Veronica was misguided in her conviction that Celeste Conothan was the culprit, but she was so intent on proving it that she missed other important questions. What was Sgt. Saro doing in the girls' bathroom? Do sheriff's departments have sergeants as well as deputies? Such questions are never addressed in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."-Inigo
- Sarro, Mr.
A name on the Griffiths' caller ID. Is the Sarangani Reconciliation and Reformation Organization calling him? We doubt it, but just "Sarro" really is an uncommon name. I think. Ponder with us in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-alliterator
Thieving Rent-a-cop. Together with his partner he takes from the rich and frames the poor for it — now this is the kind of unique take on the Robin Hood idea that we've come to expect from Neptune residents. Sasaki could still live the life of a merry man, had his Robin only resisted Veronica's necklace in 3.05 "President Evil."-grimsqueaker
Played by David J. Lee.
The Devil. Prince of Darkness. Mephistopheles. Lucifer. That guy who rules over H E double hockey sticks. Once the right hand of God, he got uppity, started a war, and got cast out of heaven. He went on to have a long and illustrious career of being blamed for the bad things that people do, inscribing the number 666 on all of his possessions, and being portrayed in film and television by a wide array of actors such as Al Pacino, John Glover, and...Elizabeth Hurley. Well, can't win them all. At any rate, Veronica and Maureen add fathering Dick Casablancas out of wedlock to Beelzebub's long list of sins in 2.18 "I Am God." and Weevil is proud to have met him halfway by owning locker 333 in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks"-public displays of lust
All bios: 2.19 2.18
- Saunders, Allen
- Saunders, Chelsea Gay
Mother of Alicia Fennel, according to Alicia's birth certificate. What does this tell us about Keith's supposedly squeaky clean girlfriend? For starters, her name's not Alicia Fennel, as we find out in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."-Polter-Cow
- Saunders, Cherie Parker
Previous name of Alicia Fennel. Wallace's mother is confronted with a long-forgotten part of her life when a mysterious stranger calls her Cherie in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang." Why did Alicia change her name and flee her ex-boyfriend? Keith tries to find out in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."-grimsqueaker
- Sawyers, Ernie
Wanted man on a poster in the sheriff's department in Neptune. He is not to be confused with Ernie Sayers, investigative journalist from Chicago, who appears in the same episode. Or Sawyer from Lost. Except...maybe, given the Lost shout-outs that turn up in 2.11 "Donut Run."-Inigo
- Sayers, Ernie
Journalist. In the course of investigating the hit-and-run accident that sent Wallace running back from Chicago, Ernie tracks him all the way to the parking lot of Neptune High School. Wow. That's
plot contrivancededication. Uh, yeah, dedication! That's the ticket. Ernie asks a tough question in 2.11 "Donut Run."-marksoflove
Played by D. Elliot Woods.
- Scarlett Reyes
- See Reyes, Scarlett
- Schaffer, Professor Grace
Naughty chatroom frequenter, alleged thief, assistant professor of Chinese, and Desmond Fellows groupie. When Grace first appears on Desmond's bed, she (and her lingerie) remind the rock star of the lascivious love letters they exchanged online. Grace had hoped to surprise him, and she did...just not in the bed-jiggling way she'd imagined. She leaves in a huff, and when Desmond's all-important backing tapes go missing, Ms. Schaffer becomes the prime suspect. Veronica finally tracks her down in a Hearst classroom, and we learn that Gracie-Poo would rather give up a kidney than hurt her Desmond: guilty until proven obsessive, we guess. Eventually, Desmond asks Grace out, and she immediately forgets about his initial rejection, his alcoholism, and his inability to remember names. We're crossing our fingers for a two month anniversary and more conservative underpants in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."-Alex
Played by Suzanne Cryer.
- Schnell, Margot
- Schwartz, Abby
One of Kendall Shifflet's classmates. Does she have the power of the Schwartz? Was she taught by Yogurt? One thing is for certain: the Schwartz will always be with her. Only one woman would dare give her the raspberry in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-alliterator
- Schwartz, Sam
Name appearing on a Google search for Patrick Nickerson. Finally, Sam has stepped into the light to represent the up side in the epic battle against the evil Dark Helmet. Yogurt will have taught young Sam well, we've no doubt. Sadly, however, we don't get to see Sam use the Schwartz in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-starxdsparrow
- Schwarzenegger, Arnold
Ronald Reagan impersonator. Okay, just kidding. Actor and politician. Huh. We were kidding, but..... We learned that Duncan did something for this Terminator-turned-Republican in 1.03 "Meet John Smith" and that the governor enjoyed the crab puffs at the Kane party in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver." Now we learn that his business manager spends most of the year in Europe. How does that work and why hasn't Jon Stewart picked it up? Arnold's so in his manager's debt that when the man's wife asks a favor, Schwarzenegger's on the phone getting Dick into Hearst in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."-Inigo
All bios: 3.03 3.01 1.22 1.03
- Sciaraffa, Vic
Played by Michael Canaan.
- Scopes, Johnny
Non-breathing member of My Pretty Pony. Frontman of the power pop duo whose vocals are so impressive, he even draws a decent crowd years after his death. Clips from a "Where Are They Now?" segment show he looks suspiciously like Rob Thomas, and we don't mean that douche from Matchbox 20. Johnny was gone before his time in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."-bethgee
Played by Rob Thomas.
- Scott, George C.
American actor best known for playing the titular character in 1970's Patton and, for the younger folks, Ebenezer Scrooge in 1984's made-for-TV A Christmas Carol. He also starred in 1981's Taps, the movie's case in which supposedly hid the recordings of Landry's cell phone conversations. That probably should have been the first indication that Batando was being set up. Was he really clear-headed enough to see the amusement in hiding something he got from "tapping" a phone in...Taps? Also, he probably would have sold it for meth money, like that vase he'd been looking for, in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-tallow
- Scott Markham
- See Markham, Scott
- Scott Peterson
- See Peterson, Scott
- Dr. Scott Weissman
- See Weissman, Dr. Scott
- Scribeer, Jean
Handley High School teacher. She described Kendall Casablancas/Priscilla Banks as a crafty and artistic high school student. Though she was referring to handmade birthday cards, her words proved prophetic. Jean foreshadows Kendall's life as a…uh…flexible and talented gold digger, and possibly a murderer, in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-topanga
- Scrivano, Judy
One of Kendall Shifflet's classmates. Really, that's all we know about her. She's a cipher, a blank slate. Perhaps she's an axe murderer. Perhaps she worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster. We don't know and we never will in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-alliterator
Pi Sigma Sigma stud. Scrote's still at the mental age of a zygote, with all the classiness that connotes. He may dote on goats, but his main occupation is to gloat over the sowing of wild oats. Vote not to dwell on what the nickname denotes in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-marksoflove
A fratboy at Pi Sigma. Perhaps a brother to Jumbo? Do they eat gumbo? Have big ears like Dumbo? Solve mysteries like Columbo? Speak in mumbo jumbo? Okay, I've run out of things that rhyme with Scumbo, so I'll just leave it at that. Scumbo doesn't appear in 2.16 "The Rumbo of Grumbo."-alliterator
- Sea Monkey
The name Wallace gave his plane, even though it had nothing to do with water or monkeys and, oh, yeah, they prefer to be called "Brine Shrimp Americans" now, thank you very much. So much for political correctness or perhaps I'm just putting too much thought into this, as Wallace was going on fifteen minutes of sleep when he named it in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-alliterator
- Seacrest, Ryan
Master of the Universe. No, seriously, the man is everywhere. He began his career as the host of American Idol, and he's gone on to hosting Top 40 radio shows, hosting shows on the E! Network...You name it, he's done it. Seacrest for President, 2030! He's also got a rather distinctive haircut, referenced by Veronica in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-funky-donut
- Sean Friedrich
- Sean John
- See John, Sean
- Sean Penn
- See Penn, Sean
- Second Resident
A resident of Benes Hall who responds to Parker's cry of rape. He doesn't say much, but he sticks pretty closely to Moe, rightly deducing that Moe is a part of everything that's going on. A good citizen (apparently there are some left!) and good-hearted guy, he checks to make sure Parker's okay and is the first one to follow her into Moe's room, where they find Veronica in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."-fulfilled
Played by Drew Messinger-Michaels.
Gatekeeper to Jack Montana, the County Assessor. When you're named after a state and have the kind of looks that might make Kendall Casablancas meet you in hotel rooms, you have to have an old battle-axe at the door, to stop those meddling snoopers. Or maybe she's not just the secretary, but the evil genius behind it all; we never do learn if she's a pawn in the Casablancas real-estate scam in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."-Inigo, bethgee
Played by Mary Lou Flesh.
- Security Guard
Bosses are normally happy when their employees deliver important packages. Not so much when the boss is Clarence Wiedman and the package is a series of surveillance photos — of him. This security guard begs him not to shoot the messenger in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."-topanga
Played by Erin Cronican.
- Security Guard #2
Played by John Branagan.
- Sedino, Fern
Former Handley High School student. Rumor has it this schoolmate of Kendall Casablancas/Priscilla Banks was voted "Most likely to cause major car accidents when the glare from her teeth blinds oncoming drivers." Fern shows her pearly whites in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-topanga
- Seemingly Interested Guy
That guy who was talking to Veronica, but who totally dissed her by looking at that other chick across the room. I mean, like, that was totally rude! If you don't want to talk to Veronica, the least you can do is pretend to have to go to the bathroom. That's the correct Party Etiquette. Seemingly Interested Guy should be Seemingly Beer-in-the-Face Guy (though I guess Veronica's not that vindictive) in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."-alliterator
Played by Jack Sway.
- Seideman, Jacob
Classmate of Kendall Shiflett and Priscilla Banks. Jacob looks kind of like a cross between Jon Favreau and k.d. lang. We're sure he has lots of luck with the ladies. Jacob looks a touch dorky in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-funky-donut
- Selby, Robin
Classmate of Kendall Shiflett and Priscilla Banks. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah? Blah blah! Insert your own wittiness here. Robin Selby blah blahs in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-funky-donut
- Selma Blair
- See Blair, Selma
- Selma Hearst Rose
- See Rose, Selma Hearst
- Senator Rake
- See Rake, Senator
- Serling, Rod
Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do. Yes, you've just crossed over into...The Twilight Zone. (This would be so much easier with a sound file.) Use your imagination and open your mind. You should know that Serling was an extraordinary writer, producer, and presenter of the strange and bizarre. Veronica knows. When Keith agrees to see "Deputy" Lamb and the Mayor, she recognizes her step into another dimension in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."-Inigo
College Student who wants to be called. Or a college student who someone wants the person living behind this door to call. Take your pick in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-grimsqueaker
- Seth Rafter
- See Rafter, Seth
- Seth Russell
- See Russell, Seth
- Sexton, Anne
Poet. Really, really depressed. She's sort of the stereotypical depressed poet; she wrote a bunch of confessional poetry and then killed herself by carbon monoxide poisoning. Jalisa Jones, when Jenny Budosh attempts to pass herself off as Anne Sexton, says, "Girl, you're no Sylvia Plath." Because, really, are we supposed to believe that while the boys pretended to be mathematicians and baseball players, both girls chose to be depressed poets? These women show a decided lack of creativity in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-Polter-Cow
- Shaft, John
A member of the Scooby gang. No, the ORIGINAL Scooby gang. The ones that had a dog named Scooby-Doo. And
smoked a lot of potsolved a lot of mysteries. Well, Wallace does solve the occasional mystery, so he's forgiven for his aspirations in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody," and given that Corny seems like just the type of guy to exclaim "Zoinks!" when tasered, Arturo is not far off with his comparison in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."-Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.14 1.05
- Shakespeare, William
Playwright. He looked nothing like Joseph Fiennes. That is a shame. More men should look like Joseph Fiennes. Willy wrote a lot of plays. Some of them are quite good; quotable, even. Mr. Daniels could have punished errant students by having them learn scenes. Imagine:
Logan: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Weevil: What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?
Logan: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Weevil: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.
Oh my god! Deep breaths, deep breaths! Sadly, Daniels fails to grasp the opportunity and just wants Shakespeare alphabetized in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
Neptune High School student and partygoer. Veronica Mars called him Bud at Madison's party and for a while he lived in the glossary as Bud #2. He is a little shaggy but we were confident that he was not Inga's dog. The credits reveal all, including the real name of the character who corners Veronica, looking for dirt on his parents, in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."-Inigo
Played by Justin Lang.
- Shanee Fauver
- See Fauver, Shanee
Zeta Theta Beta sister with a penchant for stealing — I mean, "borrowing" — purses, among other things. Karen thinks she has a heart of gold. Marjorie thinks she's out to rifle through Veronica's wardrobe. Veronica thinks she's just like the rest of the Theta Betas (but we're fairly certain that no one thinks she's a country-pop singer) in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-fulfilled
Played by Robyn Richards.
- Shapiro, Robert
- Sharif, Omar
Actor. Best known for his roles in Lawrence of Arabia and Doctor Zhivago, he's clearly the poster boy for hot Arabian men, since Veronica compares Nasir to a young version to emphasize his desirability. That implies that the current version is not that pleasant to look at, which is pretty ageist, if you ask us! Also, if you ask Omar, like we did. Sharif don't like it in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."-Polter-Cow
Neptune lady. Take Aaron Echolls, add hard cider, and mix at the Casablancas Halloween party. Result? Three bonking sessions in one night. One was with Monica. One was with fake-breasted Deborah. By process of elimination, Sharon is the one in white in the picture shown in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."-Inigo
- Sharp, Alfred
Former Handley High School student. Rumor has it this schoolmate of Kendall Casablancas/Priscilla Banks was voted “Most likely to see his neck in the Guiness Book of World Records." Al makes us wonder if we evolved from giraffes in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-topanga
- Shaughnessy, Anne
Troy's other girlfriend. She is the one with the big mouth and the burning panties and...so not going any further. Veronica's message to Troy, that Shauna is a keeper, did not go down all that well in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."-Inigo
- Shaw, Tommy
Petty thief with a rockin' '70s name and a fresh shamrock tat. Well, it's not the best of times for the newest renegade in the Fitzpatrick gang, Neptune's favorite crime family. After being caught trying to pawn recently stolen luxury goods, the sheriff hauls him in for questioning. Luckily, he's represented by genius counsel and gets his walking papers. Why sign up with such a band of thugs? Maybe Tommy simply has too much time on [his] hands in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."-bethgee
Played by Timothy Lee DePriest.
Repugnant 09er. It's not so much that she is obnoxious to Jessie. It's not so much that she is obsequious to Veronica. It's that the actress does both in that sing-song-y Valley Girl way that merits banishment from treading the boards and a fifty-year gig as an entertainment officer on Princess Rustbucket as it cruises the Arctic. Shelby, deservedly, gets decked in 2.02 "Driver Ed."-Inigo
Played by Sarah Vincelett.
- Shelly Pomroy
- Shelman, Josie
- Sherlock Holmes
- See Holmes, Sherlock
- Sherman, Ben
Mod God of shirts. With his distinctive signature on the left hand pocket, Brit Ben Sherman's little Brighton company grew with the Mod movement in the fifties and sixties, surviving the Carnaby Street explosion and becoming a world brand name. Logan, a modern Mod if ever there was one, flies the flag in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."-Inigo
- Aunt Sheryl
- Shifflet, Kendall Lacey
The assumed maiden name of gold-digging, cheerleading Kendall Casablancas. Veronica used her mad computer skillz to ascertain that Kendall was just another Arizona State dropout turned feature music video background dancer for Town Posse turned Laker Girl, living off a ten-thousand dollar a year salary, a purse full of credit cards and a string of baller boyfriends until a twice-divorced white knight swept her away to bimbo paradise. Kendall's past is well-hidden and false in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang," for it transpires that Kendall is really Priscilla Banks, who was involved in the death of her fellow high school student, Kendall Shiflett whose identity she assumed, despite not being able to spell, or so we think after 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Inigo
All bios: 2.19 2.03
- Shiflett, Kendall
A girl from Handley High who died in a car crash when she was fifteen. She loved horses and creating ceramic figurines of cartoon characters, particularly those associated with her favorite, Space Ghost. She is not to be confused with Kendall Lacey Shifflet. For, you see, Kendall Shifflet is the assumed maiden name of Kendall Casablancas who is really Priscilla Banks who was the person driving the car that Kendall Shiflett died in. Confused? You will be in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Inigo
- Shivan, Allison
Antagonist in one of Veronica's cover stories. We don't know if she's the bitch Backup's been seeing or just the usual regular Neptune
HighCollege student material, but man, thrashing Veronica's ankle in cheerleading practice is just not oka...wait, what? Oh, right, Veronica invented that to get into Coach Fry's office. Or did she? After all, there is her shady past as a pep squad girl. Who knows what other horrible pastimes she committed to in her water-colored youth. Be it as it may, Allison behaves bitchily in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."-grimsqueaker
- Shlome Fenlon
- See Fenlon, Shlome
- Short, Parker
A classmate of Kendall Shiflett, placed next to the real Kendall in the yearbook. From the time he was fourteen, he had an on/off relationship with Jane Sierra but they finally announced their engagement last month. He's a freelance accountant in Las Vegas and they're expecting their first child in June. Okay, so all we know is that he went to school with Kendall, but the rest might be true in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-fickledame
A fratboy on the Pi Sigma scoreboard. Rumor has it he's the go-to guy for brothers who want to avoid identity theft and that he runs around the house wearing a mask and singing, "When the evil Shredder attacks, these Turtle Boys don't cut him no slack!"He's on the Pi Sigma scoreboard, but we never learn his true identity in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-topanga
- Sid the Organizer
Gangly, pasty organizer of the Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt. We've all heard February 14th described as Singles Awareness Day, but Sid, the (potentially) lovelorn riddle-writer, takes avoiding loneliness to a new level. Who needs a VHS copy of Love Story when you can laugh creepily at Logan's Congress of the Cow? Sid gives us the wiggins in 3.14 "Mars, Bars."-Alex
Played by Matthew Barber.
- Sid Vicious
- See Vicious, Sid
- Sidney Poitier
- See Poitier, Sidney
- Sierra, Jane
Girl in Kendall Shiflett's high school yearbook. Per our speculation, she has been forever in an on/off relationship with Parker Short, but ever since he moved to Las Vegas, she's felt that their love is seriously lacking something. Now pregnant with her first child, she is making plans to fake her own death and run off to Mexico. Who knows, maybe she'll even meet fellow fugitive parents. See Jane not run (yet) in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-grimsqueaker
- Silence of the Lambs
Dick's name for the character who does all the killin' in the book of the same name. Logan's suite isn't quite Jame Gumb's basement, but for women to get naked around Dick, he needs all the Scent Fresh he can get. For Dick to remember Gumb's name is too much to expect from one whose entire existence revolves around his own namesake. This is, interestingly enough, the polar opposite of said Gumb, whose entire existence revolved around eliminating all things dickish. What a shame Gumb shows up in name — sort of — only in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."-Inigo
Band. A poster for their album Blueblood adorns Max's wall in...what, do you expect something clever about these guys? Do you know how many frickin' bands are on posters at Hearst College? What is with college kids and all their freaking music, huh? Do they not realize it just makes more work for us? In my day, we all listened to U2. AND THAT WAS IT. Silkworm spin their way onto MI.net in 3.05 "President Evil."-Polter-Cow
- Silva, Marcus
Co-writer for The Long Haul, the
feel-goodaction movie of the year in 1982, starring Aaron Echolls. He and partner Jim Hunsaker appear on the poster amongst that aren't known show insiders in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."-alliterator
- Silver, Franklina
A Handley High student in the same year as the real Kendall Shiflett. OMG! Poor, poor girl. Her parents really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wanted a boy, don't you think? Well Frankie, make them happy. Take your girlfriend home. Franklina's parents' gender issues are there for all to see in the 1994 Yearbook on display in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Inigo
- Silver Sun
Band big in Japan and featured on the cover of Kerrang! Yeah, doesn't really sound like Mozart boy to us, either, but you know, Moe is a kid of hidden depths — really, really deep, abyss-worthy depths. And, you know, maybe it's not even the real Silver Sun's poster that lives on his notice board, next to his prized photo of himself and Mercer taking part in the
StanfordHearst prison experiment, but someone called Silver Sunil, the crooning cow, or Silver Sunga, the shrieking hairless. Actually, that last one makes a twisted sort of sense given the events in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."-Inigo
- Silvio Pirelli
- See Pirelli, Silvio
- Simmons, Amy
Purveyor of fine ice creams. Thank you, Amy Simmons, for your constantly inventive ice cream flavors, which range from Chipotle Peanut Butter to... yes, Snickerdoodle! Wallace and Veronica totally need to go to Amy's! But maybe they should ask Logan what sorcery he employed to take Heather to an ice cream place in Texas in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."-Polter-Cow
- Simmons, Anquan
Erstwhile boyfriend of Anissa Villapondo, a Latina girl who took two 09ers to court for aggravated assault. Not much is known about young Anquan, outside of the fact that he shares his given name with an Arizona Cardinal. How does he spend his time when not leaping over six-foot fences in an attempt to get his ex-girlfriend's illegal firearms away from the scene of a crime before the police show? Who knows? Maybe he's on a track team somewhere. Maybe he spends his days training to become an Olympic high jumper and thus rescue himself from the ever-downward-spiraling life he lives in Neptune. Or maybe he was the one who masterminded the liquor store robbery that resulted in it being illegal for Anissa to have the gun in the first place. At any rate, the boy has serious ups in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."-public displays of lust
- Simmons, Kevin
Hearst College radio station DJ. Kevin Simmons hosted the "Emo Lounge" show that was playing in the afternoon on September 30th. The afternoon? Really? Emo seems much more suited for, like, listening to in a dark room while moping over lost loves in the middle of the night. Kids these days. Kevin's schedule is seen in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."-funky-donut
One-half of Simon & Stern, the Neptune school board's lawyers. Does not-so-simple Simon surrender to the sound of silence? We don't know, since he's in the (grace)land of the unseen in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"-alliterator
- Simpson, Jessica
singer actresscelebrity, along with her now-separated husband Nick Lachey. She was what you would call an MRF (Mentally Retarded Female). She thought Chicken of the Sea was actually chicken. She thought many other stupid things that I cannot go into here. Nevertheless, Veronica shows her surprise facetiously at Nick and Jessica's split in 2.11 "Donut Run."-alliterator
- Simpson, O.J.
Former football player, actor, and celebrated murder
ersuspect (just like Aaron!). Despite an attempt to flee that was broadcast around the globe and what some would say was overwhelming evidence as to his guilt, O.J. walked free of charges (just like Aaron!) of killing his estranged wife and her male companion. The prosecution of the case became a media circus of personalities, tricks, and racial attitudes, and something other than a shining example of justice at work (just like Aaron's trial!). Given his propensity to admire those whose wealth and privilege are seen to inure them to punishment of their sins, is anyone really surprised that Dick counts O.J.'s signature on a napkin amongst his most prized possessions in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough," or that O.J.'s kids and Logan have a lot in common, according to Larry King in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf"?-Inigo
All bios: 3.04 2.13
- Sims, Andrea
- Sinclair, Ellen
Madison's mother? Well...yes, sort of. She raised Madison. Penance for some evil past life or the loser in a baby swap drama? She is a rather pleasant and sad-eyed brunette, much nicer than her miserable eldest "daughter." She meets Mac, the daughter she actually gave birth to, in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."-Inigo
Played by Bridget Hoffman.
- Sinclair, Lauren
Played by Carlie Westerman.
- Sinclair, Madison
- Single Mother Waitress
Member of the jury. She's a mother. She's single. She's a waitress. What more do you need? Her name really gives it all away in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."-alliterator
Played by Ursula Whittaker.
- Sith Nibbler
- See Nibbler, Sith
The sexiest cylon in all the universe. Plink plink-plink plink plink plink plink...Ah, when that music starts plinking, you know things are about to get crazy sexy on Battlestar Galactica. Fifteen-foot-tall and stacked Tricia Helfer plays Six, a Cylon of whom there are many copies. Most memorably, there is Chip Six, the imaginary (sort of?) version of herself that appears in Gaius Baltar's head to taunt/have sex with/encourage/generally mess with him. If Wendy is Six, does that mean Max is destined to betray his own race, which leads to their destruction, only to become their president, and then become a pawn in humanity's enslavement? Luckily for Max, Wendy isn't really a Six in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."-funky-donut
Dude! Did you see that awesome triple-roller-jump-sidewind-thingamajig.... All right, I don't know any skateboarding terms. But this skatepunk doesn't seem that smart either, as he says the lunchlady is "retarded or deaf or something." He's no Spicoli in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."-Polter-Cow
Played by Dwight Ketchum.
- Skiencars, Phylis
Girl in Kendall Shiflett's high school yearbook. Secretly a black-belt in both tae kwon do and aikido and fluent in eighteen languages, she travels around the world to fight terrorist organizations and secret societies — or she would, if this were a show about a spy. Phyllis's life might be even more exciting than that of Priscilla Banks in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-grimsqueaker
- Slater, Moe
Logan Echolls, according to Veronica. Whilst it is hard to imagine a character any less like a cold-ridden dwarf, Veronica's variation is not without merit, given the boy's tendency for 2 a.m. phone calls to the local tart. Lest it is thought that Veronica is being overly harsh, Logan started the Snow White homage, with his "Hi Ho" greeting in 2.11 "Donut Run."-Inigo
- Sleeping Beauty
Fairy tale princess, Logan, and Mason's new nickname for Wallace. Princess Aurora was put under a spell, fell into a deep sleep for 100 years, and was woken up by the kiss of a handsome prince in Charles Perrault's classic story. Princess Logan was knocked out by thugs attempting to avenge Felix Toombs' murder, was tied up and thrown in a dark room, and woke up with a gun in his face in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!" Princess Wallace was caught cheating and pledged to bring his grades back up, was lulled into a deep sleep by his mechanical-engineering textbook, and was woken up by Piz poking him with a tennis racket in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."-fulfilled
All bios: 3.06 2.08
- Sly's Friend #2
A friend of Sly. Specifically, one that taunts Carrie Bishop with the smooth, dulcet tones of Sting and the Police. Well, except for the "smooth" and "dulcet" parts. Sly's friends really can't carry a tune in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."-alliterator
Played by Deana Tucker.
Name used by a Pi Sigma Sigma fraternity boy at Hearst College on the board that records their sexual
fantasiesconquests. Now Smalls may be small, a fact that he surprisingly advertises, but he writes big in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."-Inigo
- Smalls, Biggie
Oxymoronically named rapper. Better known as the Notorious B.I.G., Biggie was...well, big. Wallace, if you haven't noticed, is not. They do both share one important similarity, however: they're both black! Surely, Wallace could easily pass as the dead rapper. Wait, I'm seeing more holes in this plan. Never you mind, though! Keith knows how all...waitresses look alike in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."-Polter-Cow
- Smith, Deputy
A Balboa County Deputy, partner of Deputy Jones. Keith fires him, but don't worry! He'll find some other job, perhaps as a shadowy agent of some sort or as a rapper maybe or perhaps some "fresh prince" somewhere. Who knows? The future is limitless in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."-alliterator
- Smith, Mr.
A regular customer at Mama Mia's Pizzeria who orders the Pepperoni Lovers' Pizza. Is it this John Smith? Or this Mr. Smith? Maybe it's this Mr. Smith. Or it could even be this Mr. Smith. Ah, who are we kidding? It's totally Brad Pitt, ordering pizza for himself, Angelina Jolie, and all their kids in 3.05 "President Evil."-fulfilled
- Smith, Amy
Handley High School student. Pretty girls make graves, but some girls are bigger than others, and this girl is unlikely to be Shakespeare's sister. She's still big, though! It's the pictures that got small in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Polter-Cow
- Smith, Anna Nicole
Poster child for gold-diggers everywhere. Anna Nicole was standard issue Texas trailer-trash, complete with the baby and marriage at age 17, until she became a stripper, posed nude in Playboy, and married an octogenarian billionaire. "For love," of course — it had nothing to do with the money. Hallie follows in Anna Nicole's illustrious footsteps when her affair with an older, wheelchair-bound, married man is revealed in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-fulfilled
- Smith, Bill
Alias of Keith. Admissions at San Diego State University may be surprised to hear that Bill is on the payroll. The ploy works to sucker Grant and Liam out of their dorm room in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-Inigo
- Smith, Craig
Handley High School student. Is he Jake's brother? What difference does it make? He is human, and he needs to be loved, just like everybody else does. Please, please, please let him get what he wants in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Polter-Cow
- Smith, Jake
Handley High School student. He looks like the boy with a thorn in his side, which could be because he has a girlfriend in a coma. No, wait, that was Duncan! Crap, that joke isn't funny anymore, is it? This charming man went to school with a girl named Priscilla Banks. Is it really so strange? Yes, yes it is, in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Polter-Cow
- Smith, John
Justin Smith's missing, dead, or deadbeat dad. Well, actually, not missing, dead, or deadbeat at all, just living a very different life in San Diego. Justin's mother has a unique way of preserving his memory in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
- Smith, John #2
Resident of San Diego. Veronica marks him as a candidate for Justin Smith's father. He is a married veterinarian with kids. Judging from the waistline, business keeps him more than comfortable in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
- Smith, John #3
Resident of San Diego. Veronica snaps some photos to show Justin. He's single and coaches high school basketball. Justin knows at a glance that he is not the one. Justin's mom always turns off the radio when they play "Brown-Eyed Handsome Man" because it reminds her of his dad. Justin, honey, you could have stopped there. The handsome question was settled long before you saw his green eyes in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
- Smith, John #4
Resident of San Diego who is probably not called John Smith. He is Veronica's third candidate for Justin Smith's dad. He spends much of his time in pawn shops, junkyards, and race tracks. Petty criminal? Naw, parole officer. Justin and Veronica follow him and discover that he resides with the John Smith they are looking for in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
Played by Christopher Fairbanks.
- Smith, Justin
Student at Neptune High. He works in the video store and has the hots for Veronica, so much so that he makes up a CD (aww) and a mystery for her to solve (naughty) just to get close to her. But in TV noir, sin never goes unpunished. Justin's little mystery turns out to be real and devastating in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
Played by Bobby Edner.
- Smith, Lucy
Handley High School student. Stop me if you think you've heard this one before, but last night I dreamt that somebody loved me. Lucy Smith, you are a wonderful woman, not a girl afraid. I accept that you believe that meat is murder, but I want the one I can't have. That's right, I don't even care that you look like a twelve-year-old in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-Polter-Cow
- Smithers, Waylon
Fictional assistant to Montgomery Burns on The Simpsons. What's the deal with Mr. Smithers? Well, he fantasizes about his boss singing him "Happy Birthday" in the nude àla Marilyn Monroe, has a computer greeting of Mr. Burns saying Smithers turns him on, might be willing to have his boss sniff his crotch like a dog, collects dolls, and goes on vacation in clubs where conga lines abound. Clearly, the deal with Mr. Smithers is that he has a deep respect for his employer, much like Brant does for Budd in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-misskiwi
- Smithey, Rodney
Castle member, class of 1928. Rodney was a London street urchin who stowed away on a New York-bound freighter and then rode boxcars hobo-style cross-country to California. There, he played poker to make enough money for college, having taught himself to read and write during his long voyage. He graduated and almost instantly made a fortune on the stock market. Unfortunately, the crash of 1929 reduced him to a hobo once again and he mysteriously vanished. Maybe he got eaten by coyotes, or maybe the Castle ensured that less successful members met with untimely accidents. We'll never know in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-misskiwi
One of the gaming club screennames in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-Inigo
- Sneed Batman Guy
Member of the chem-centric softball team. This not-completely-unfortunate-looking nerd helps Veronica track down Jason Cohen AND proves that science geeks have hand-eye coordination in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."-Alex
Played by David Giuntoli.
One of Snow White's seven dwarves. Colleague of Sleepy, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, Dopey, and Doc, Sneezy is best remembered for, well, sneezing, and is most easily distinguished from the other dwarves by his perpetually red nose. Veronica anticipates an altercation with this miniscule man in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-fulfilled
- Snow Patrol
Musical group. Some say bland. Some say the new Coldplay. Whoa — was that an oxymoron? Some, like Veronica Mars, love them and lend the CD out to neighbors. Is Sarah Williams grateful in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door"?-Inigo
- Snow White
Fairy-tale virgin, or so we thought. From learning that she only scored 89 on the purity test to hearing that she set her disapproving dwarves on Keith and Veronica on their last visit to Disneyland, and that a couple of the dwarves are called Mopey and Sleazy, we need to reconsider this heroine's goody-goody reputation. "Hi ho" takes on an entirely fresh perspective, and perhaps a comma, after 1.08 "Like a Virgin," 2.11 "Donut Run," and 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-Inigo
All bios: 3.08 2.11 1.08
- Snyder, Coach
Coach of the Trevor Hale High School basketball team. He surpassed the Chicagoland record for most wins by a public school coach. Is it possible that a certain Sunnydale principal survived being eaten by a giant snake? Come on, it could happen! Didn't you see Anaconda? Don't answer that. Instead, ponder the subtle distinction between "Chicagoland" and "Chicago" in 2.11 "Donut Run."-Polter-Cow
Veronica Internet login. This alias could signify so many things: Veronica's love of her SoCal locale. Her secret wish to be a professional roller skater. And finally, the eighty-seven times she has unsuccessfully tried to reach her BFF on the phone. On the other hand, maybe Veronica just doesn't waste her creativity on such mundane things as chat login names. SoCalRoller87 is looking for Amelia DeLongpre in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."-grimsqueaker
- Social Distortion
Punk band. Weevil's muse of choice when called on to write poetry for an English assignment. Well, actually, not so much muse as a source for plagiarism. Weevil's heart-felt recitation of When Angels Sing gives Veronica goosebumps and Casey the giggles. Weevil's not laughing when he is called on it in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."-Inigo
Character from the book The Outsiders, played by Rob Lowe in the film of the same name. Sodapop was a handsome, happy-go-lucky member of a greaser gang in constant battle with the rival "Socs," comprised of local rich kids. When Weevil and Logan square up at the beach, Veronica uses Sodapop's name to tell the watching Wallace to be cool. Wallace's education of the dynamics of Neptune reduces his chances of staying gold in 1.01 "Pilot."-Inigo
- Sofer, Lenny
Student at Neptune High and...oh, it's no use. Veronica's smackdown is too damn good not to quote in its entirety: "I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations! You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo! You're gonna die friendless and alone....Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a snausage over your nose. If you use Mandy again to try to convince yourself that you're not a loser, I will ruin your life - got it? You got it?" Veronica goes ballistic on Lenny's ass in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."-Inigo
Played by Jesse C. Boyd.
Forum poster on Erotic Critique. From her screenname, we can deduce that she shops at Sears, is a fan of The Little Rascals, and was born in 1969. We don't see why she would be engaging in risque business in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."-Polter-Cow
- Sollesbury, Peter
Writer of newspaper article about Hank Landry's arrest. If the size of a byline is any indication of talent, this guy's got a long way to go before he wins his Pulitzer, as his byline is nearly impossible to read in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-tallow
- Solomon III, Eckwood
- Sondra Bolan
- See Bolan, Sondra
Hearst college student. Her message on Stacy's door reads, "I'm here for you." The next line says, "Please call," which means she really isn't here for Stacy, she's just there for her. Unless Sonja is one of Stacy's multiple personalities. In which case, she really would be here, wherever Stacy is. Ay, this is confusing. Sonja inspires a Friends marathon in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff.".-topanga
- Sonny Crockett
- See Crockett, Sonny
Kane family do-this-do-that person. Servant/maid/housekeeper/domestic science advisor or whatever the title is these P.C. days, she is seen in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
Philosopher. A teenaged Lianne found his words inspiring. He said: "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life; that word is love." It is a pity for Keith and Veronica that she didn't make another of his insights her guide to life: "There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money". Sophocles is quoted, though, sadly, not in Greek, in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
- Sorokin, Gorya "Gory"
A Castle member with familial ties to the Mafia, Gory takes it upon himself to distribute "Emission to Mars," a tape of Veronica and Piz engaging in sexual activity, obtained without their knowledge as a byproduct of the Castle's surveillance of Wallace. What a stand-up guy that Gory is. That is, until Logan finds out and beats him until he resembles his name. It seems Gory's now having trouble standing up in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-leila6
Played by Matthew Alan.
- Southie Player #1
Oh, Southie Player #1. We hardly knew ya. No, really, we hardly knew ya. You wanted to play baseball, and you stood there with the same sullen expression on your face for your entire ten seconds of screentime in 2.02 "Driver Ed."-Polter-Cow
Played by Erin Noyd.
- Space Ghost
A hero who battled evil villains in outer space. Later went on to become a talk show host. Kind of dim. The Real Kendall liked making ceramic figures of him, though we're not sure why, in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-alliterator
- Spacey, Kevin
Ac-toor (that means he's pretty darned good). He is amazing in something Justin Smith recommends for Julia to watch. We go for Consenting Adults, but we just can't confirm what the film is, no matter how many times we freeze-frame in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."-Inigo
- Spada, Kelly
The penultimate link in the Aaron's Kidz money chain. She leads directly to Charlie Stone, so does that mean she got down and dirty with Aaron Echolls? We hope she didn't get fleas! Especially since the sex act took place on a plane, of all places! Was it dragging some sort of banner behind it, we wonder? At least, way up there, she could be a cloud watcher. Then again, the link could be a bit more tenuous in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."-Polter-Cow
- Spaghetti Server
Hearst cafeteria employee. In a show of exceptional patience and courtesy, this kindly fellow waits while Mac quibbles over vegetarian pasta entrées and Veronica rebukes her for mentally agonizing over her newly complex romantic entanglements. He does the service industry proud in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."-starxdsparrow
Played by David Hess.
- Spain, Jimmy
Actor. His parts include Hamm in Beckett's Endgame for the Circle Theatre Company, David in Lost in the Midst, a salesman in a Aquarrena commercial, Chorus in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, and as a stand-in on On Air for Slave Rat Productions. Slave Rat. Hee. Pride of place however goes to his role of Karl in Duped! in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-Inigo
Played by Alexander Scarlis.
- Spaniel Man
He has a rather unique way of earning spare change by returning stolen dogs to their owners and cashing in the reward for his boss. His scheme is foiled when he meets Veronica Mars, her Backup, and said Backup's impressive set of teeth. But thanks to some inspired pantomiming, he can convince the perky girl detective that he is really just a harmless pawn in a large dognapping theme cooked up by the devious Hans in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."-grimsqueaker
Played by Carlos Cervantes.
- Sparky, Mr.
Veronica's old friend, a taser. Every Friday night, Mr. Sparky and Mr. Pointy share a drink and reminisce about being inanimate weapons given "Mr." nicknames by their owners. Okay, maybe not. But Mr. Sparky doesn't give many shocks in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-alliterator
- Spears, Britney
Singer. She is deserving of all the crap she gets these days for daring to cause Britney and Kevin: Chaotic to exist and be shown in the same revered time slot as this great show. She is used as the yardstick for fake virginity in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."-Inigo
Relative, real or honorary, of Rodney Goodman. The kid might have a dad with a face of putty, a psycho mom and a ditzy sister with a poor taste in boys, but his uncle sure knows how to pick a birthday present. Unfortunately, now that Veronica has stolen Rodney's thank you card, Spencer will never know how much Rodney liked his bike in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."-Inigo
- Spencer Jones
- See Jones, Spencer
- Spivak, Mr.
Mars Investigations client. He apparently thinks it isn't kosher to be riding in Go Karts when you're claiming personal injury. Man, if riding in Go Karts while pretending to be injured is wrong, we don't want to be right! Uh, forget we said that. Mr. Spivak is annoying in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."-funky-donut
Played by Matt Thompson.
- Springer, Jerry
Host of a talk show. Whether or not this man is responsible for the destruction of civilized culture, he cultivates an audience of judgmental brayers. Wallace offers to be Veronica's own personal Springer audience. Logan reckons that opportunistic hag Carla Stanton wants her own spot on the show. Springer's name springs up in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid" and 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."-Inigo
- Springfield, Rick
Singer and actor. As the old-school Zak Adama on Battlestar Galactica: TOS he may have had less screentime than his counterpart in the remake, but we're sure that not having to make out with the old-school Starbuck was nonetheless a plus. Rick's hairdo gets mentioned in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."-grimsqueaker
- Springsteen, Bruce
Musician and, in New Jersey at least, a rock god. Keith Mars claims that the Boss himself inspired him to all things cool in 1977. Tramps like us reckon he jammed the highway as a hero on a last power drive, rode through mansions of glory in suicide machines, and, as he still had some then, combed his hair in the rear view mirror. Keith recalls living the runaway American dream, while Veronica considers that maybe she was born to run in 1.01 "Pilot."-Inigo, grimsqueaker
- Spungen, Nancy
Girlfriend of Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols. Ms. Spungen was known for taking drugs, fighting with her boyfriend, and being murdered, probably by him, at the Chelsea Hotel in New York. As a couple, they were a byword for maladjusted and violent. Andre and Sarah Williams aren't quite that bad in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
- Stables, Wilson
Pan High School student who pretends to be Polly's kidnapper to be cool. It is so close to taking a hot cousin to the prom that Weevil has a rush of pity for the Veronica-bewitched boy and sends him home in one piece in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."-Inigo
Played by Adam Gorlick.
- Stacey Fields
- See Fields, Stacey
- Stack, Geoff
Writer of articles with long headlines, specifically one that went, "Cook threw championship game. Woman killed in bus crash accused Hall of Fame hopeful of fixing ALCS." Can't he think of some pun that would succinctly sum up the entire story, like, say, "Say it ain't so, Terrence!" Wait, Veronica already used that one. Well, Geoff is unimaginative in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."-alliterator
She rents cars. She hates her boss. She is a pushover. She lets complete strangers have the satellite location of rented vehicles. She's that dumb. Maybe she should be a model. America must be in need of a new top model, what with so many running off to marry Bradys or being driven off cliffs. The winner of an ANTM acting challenge doesn't actually do that bad a job in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."-Inigo
Played by Kim Stolz.
- Stacy Wells
- See Wells, Stacy
- Stafford, Geena
Chirpy pep squad advisor turned journalism teacher. Is there more to this preppy pep leader than just a perky persona? This is a Rob Thomas show. Do you even have to ask? Under her brief tenure, the Neptune High School Navigator shines like the Washington Post. Her broken, raspy voice hides a sturdy spine. She sacrifices her job to let Veronica publish the truth in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."-Inigo, wyk
Played by Joey Lauren Adams.
- Staleman, Aaron
Alumni of the class of '79. He's probably in jail. So says Evelyn Bugby, in an accent that could mean his name is actually Stellman. She doesn't think much of either of them in 1.07 "The Girl Next Door."-Inigo
- Stallone, Sylvester
Actor, most famous for his role as Rocky Balboa in the Rocky films. He starred with Aaron Echolls in Thought Police. Was the film an adaptation of 1984 from the Thinkpol's viewpoint? Or perhaps a sequel to Judge Dredd? Shudder the thought. Luckily, Stallone never utters "I am the law!" in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."-alliterator
- Stan Marsh
- See Marsh, Stan
- Stanley Davidson
- See Davidson, Stanley
- Stanley Goldman
- See Goldman, Stanley
- Stansfield, Jennifer
Incorporation campaign worker, escort paid out of public funds, or hooker. Things aren't real clear about our Jen, who appears to prefer lack of consciousness to a night of debauchery with Woody Goodman at the Camelot motel. And who can blame her in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking"?-Inigo
- Stanton, Carla
Opportunistic hag and white trash walking. She claims to have seen Lynn Echolls jump off the Coronado Bridge. She is a lucky lady insofar as Cliff gets up close and personal to check out her story. Unsurprisingly, that story varies with the size of the paycheck. Logan sends her scampering back to her trailer park in 1.14 "Mars vs. Mars."-Inigo
Played by Leigh Scarritt.
- Star Wars Kid
An Internet institution. It's bad enough this poor kid taped himself pretending to be a Jedi Knight and was made a laughing stock when the video hit the Net. Carmen then has to lump the poor bugger with Paris Hilton as an example of the type of downloadable national joke she herself fears becoming in 1.20 "M.A.D."-Inigo
- Stark, Brad
One half of Veronica's failed match-making attempt in sixth grade. Right, we can imagine how that went: "Hey, Brad, does Mr. Kane know that the paint traces in his new car's fresh scratch belong to your bike? Oh, and by the way, Suzy said to tell she likes you, and if you want to go out for ice cream." Poor Parker Lee doesn't know of this dark moment when she employs Veronica to find out how Piz really feels about her in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."-grimsqueaker
- Starr, Ms.
Student in Professor Landry's Introduction to Criminology class. She's eager to find the perfect victim for her end-of-term essay depicting a perfect murder and might just choose her perfect teacher himself, should she follow popular trends. Let's just hope she also has a perfect alibi, should anything happen to the hot criminologist after 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."-grimsqueaker
Played by Cassidy Horn.
- Starsky, Dave
One of two main characters in the 1970s action-drama Starsky and Hutch. Portrayed by Paul Michael Glaser, Starsky was a cop who, along with partner Hutch, fought crime in the streets of California. Timothy Foyle likens himself to this character in a hypothetical Foyle-and-Veronica crimefighting duo in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."-tallow
- Stella Koontz
- See Koontz, Stella
- Stephanie Denenberg
- See Denenberg, Stephanie
- Stephenson, Elaine
Sells ads for the Hearst Free Press. She might make the snow crash, or maybe she has found the key to the cryptonomicon, but sadly we witness neither in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."-grimsqueaker
- Stern, Mr.
- Stern, Carla
- Stern, Douglas
Partner of a law firm. One-half of "Simon & Stern," he defends the school district against
people with legitimate claimsgreedy parents like the Olivereses. Douglas's business card is shown in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"-grimsqueaker
- Stern, Howard
Dirty radio jockey who was the first to show naked boobies over the radio. How this is possible, we will forever ponder. Stern's stern sternum is mentioned in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"-alliterator
Tom Cruz's Catahoula Leopard dog. He looks like an oddly colored dalmatian to us. Okay, we can get with the rare breed, but calling a dog Steve? That's just wrong, man. Excuse me a minute. Oi! Phil, stop chasing your tail! Wallace doggedly researches Steve's breed in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."-Inigo
- Steve #2
One of the 4400. Or thereabouts. Names. In a phone book. Here is a screenshot. Make up your own snark. Make up your own last name, something preceding Feniress. We're too lazy. Damn you, Rick, and your attention to detail in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."-Inigo
- Steve #3
inmatehigh school kid with a magic marker. The saga continues, as Steve, the object of undying love in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner" and the bright shining hero of bathroom graffiti scribblersrebels fighting the establishment in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend," makes a triumphant return on an autoshop locker in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."-grimsqueaker
All bios: 2.13 2.09 2.07
- Steve Broussard
- See Broussard, Steve
- Steve Buscemi
- See Buscemi, Steve
- Steve Fenmore
- See Fenmore, Steve
- Steve Kaiser
- See Kaiser, Steve
- Steve McQueen
- See McQueen, Steve
- Steve Urkel
- See Urkel, Steve
- Steve Vargo
- See Vargo, Steve
- Steve Wacker
- See Wacker, Steve
- Steve Whacker
- See Whacker, Steve
- Steven Depriest
- See Depriest, Steven
- Steven Aller
- See Aller, Steven
- Steven Batando
- Steven Jennings
- See Jennings, Steven
- Stevens, Jennifer
Editor and writer at The Lampoon, Hearst's controversial "humor" rag. Supporter of free speech, unfunny jokes, and possibly rape. He comes to blows with Lilith House representatives in the dean's office and on the airwaves in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."-bethgee
Played by Nick Puga.
- Stewart, Mrs.
Teacher at NHS. She lets reporters pump students for info in her classroom right under her nose. She takes attitude from Jackie Cook without a murmur. She has the personality and presence of a wet rag in 2.02 "Driver Ed."-alliterator
Played by Kathleen Parker.
- Stewart, Jon
Anchor of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on Comedy Central. Jon Stewart spent a good many years playing bit parts in movies like Half-Baked, then hit the big time when he took over anchoring duties for Conan O'Brien. Stewart seriously brings the funny on and off the show. Piz references Stewart's star turn on Crossfire, when he called Tucker Carlson a dick, in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."-funky-donut
- Stewart Manning
- Stewart, Martha
Writer, homemaker, media magnate, and ex-con. She's got nothing on Madison Sinclair as a hostess. Or is Veronica being sarcastic? Despite being the most horrible of persons, Madison's not gone to jail...yet. And while Veronica's come close, Weevil is overstating the comparison. And since both Veronica and Weevil have used up their allotment of Martha Stewart references, it's up to Logan himself to relate his leg adornment to pop culture. But, surprise! Weevil gets a bonus reference on account of his absence during most of season three, and this time, he gets to be the target. See this once-respected woman become a recurring joke in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb," 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster," 2.06 "Rat Saw God," and 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-Inigo, Polter-Cow
All bios: 3.19 2.06 2.04 1.11
- Stewart "Stewpot" Potter
- See Potter, Stewart "Stewpot"
- Stinson, Levi
Patron. Levi has given his name to the sanctuary where Meg's baby may be headed. Since the nicest words she has for his establishment are "religious indoctrination" and "tough love," one concludes that he has not given his mercy and tenderness to same. Veronica's charged with keeping the kid out of Levi's clutches in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."-Inigo
- Stockland, Kevin
Reporter for Neptune High School's TV station. He has a story on the Pirates lacrosse team interrupted in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."-Inigo
- Stoltz, Mel
- Stone, Charlie
Logan's older half-brother. He's a teacher at Calvert Academy, has been receiving money from Aaron for years, and had no desire for any connection with the Echolls family. He kind of had a bad week, though, when Veronica discovered his existence, Norman Phipps impersonated him, and Logan got his revenge — even though it was on the wrong guy — on Larry King Live in 3.04 "Charlie Don't Surf."-fulfilled
Played by Ryan Eggold.
- Stoner Dude #1
As he practices for the International Hacky Sack Tournament, he shows off another talent: that of being an informant for Wallace Fennel. Dude knows a blonde chick with a nice ass when he sees one, you know what we mean? You don't, do you. That's okay. We don't know why the writers call him a stoner in 2.02 "Driver Ed."-Polter-Cow
Played by Miko Hughes.
- Store Clerk
Sells cigars and other healthy things. Most of them, unfortunately, are about as hazardous to your health as tobacco, but far less legal, which makes you wonder what an upstanding citizen like Dr. Tom Griffith does in a shady joint like his in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."-grimsqueaker
Played by Jorge Ordonez.
- Stosh "Piz" Piznarski
- Stowe, Harriet Beecher
Abolitionist and novelist. While she was busy writing Uncle Tom's Cabin in 1852, Eudora Welty wasn't even a twinkle in her daddy's eye. Who's Eudora Welty? The American author who actually said "All serious daring starts from within" in her 1983 autobiography, One Writer's Beginnings. Well, we're sure Stowe would appreciate the phrase — even though it was turned into a crappy inspirational poster more at home on Stephen Colbert's wall than the erroneous Mr.Marchant's in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-starxdsparrow
- Strummer, Joe
Musician, member of the Clash. For the musically young and undernourished, remember Bring It On, the band on Cliff's tee-shirt? The late, lamented Joe is one of Norris's choices for the bomb shelter in 1.18 "Weapons of Class Destruction."-Inigo
- Stuart Fuller
- See Fuller, Stuart
- Student #1
He's convinced that Grant and Liam's high-tech security system protects the computers in their dorm room. He and his friend discuss theories on their dormmates' clandestine activities with Veronica and Wallace in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-topanga
Played by Phillip Andre Botello.
- Student #2
She's sure the walls in Grant and Liam's dorm room are hot because of grow lamps for marijuana. She and her friend discuss theories on their dormmates' clandestine activities with Veronica and Wallace in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-topanga
Played by April Doctolero.
- Student #3
Inquiring mind in Professor Hank Landry/Tim Foyle's Criminology class. He interrupts Tim's discussion and wants to talk about the dean's murder. He accidentally causes a chain reaction conversation that leads to exposing the real killer in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-tallow
Played by Robert Bastron.
- Student #4
Student in Dr. Landry's Criminology class. After another student starts the ball rolling on the who, what, when, where, and why of Landry's supposedly killing the dean, he eggs Tim on by suggesting that Mindy helped Landry do the deed. His inquisitiveness eventually leads to Tim's undoing by Veronica in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."-misskiwi
Played by R. J. Cantu.
- Student Announcer
Neptune High Student. She cheerfully announces that the dedication of the Lilly Kane memorial fountain will kick off the weekend's Homecoming festivities. Hmm... remembering the brutal murder of a fellow student normally doesn't put people in a festive mood, but, hey. This is Neptune. Nothing is normal. She causes Veronica and Logan to share a wistful glance in 1.04 "The Wrath of Con."-topanga
Played by Tracy Littlejohn.
- Student Newscaster
She's cute and full of Pirate pride. What more could you ask of a student newscaster? This peppy Neptune High student introduces the videos of the Student Body presidential candidates in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."-topanga
Played by Brigitte Graham.
Logan is Stupid, according to Cliff. Apparently, turning down a one-time offer of a plea-bargain that would have allowed Logan to spend less than two years in jail qualifies someone to be Stupid. Stupid enough for Cliff to actually wear an "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt to court? Cliff, be seen in something other than a dashing discount suit? *gasp!* Perhaps Cliff can have those words sewn onto the lapel of one of his suits. Logan gets some advice on dressing for a trial in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."-funky-donut
- Styles, Rutherford
The blind-yet-not-really-blind fiddle player on the River Boat Queen. Also, a murderer. Hey, Nero played the fiddle, too! However, while Nero was an actual person, Rutherford is merely a fictional killer in the murder mystery Murder on the River Boat Queen, which Veronica solves with the help of spoilers and gender pronouns in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."-alliterator
Host of a Cabaret Invitational Longball Championship. Vinnie Van Lowe sees fit to equip a pen from this prestigious event with a listening device and place it on Veronica's person. One can only assume that he was eager to hear her rendition of a Hall & Oates hit, but she doesn't have much to sing about in 2.11 "Donut Run."-marksoflove
- Sugar Jones
- See Sugar...or Spice?
- Sukarenko, Sergei
Russian mobster from Chicago. This is the Sukarenko sibling who doesn't get a line in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."-Inigo
- Sukarenko, Yelena
Sister and daughter of a Russian mobster. She plays the lovelorn Catherine Lenova to get Veronica to track down her father's betrayer, now in the Witness Protection Program, in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."-Inigo
Played by Cynthia Lamontagne.
- Sukarenko, Yevgeni
Russian mobster from Chicago. The idea is that once his sister Yelena has located Tom Cruz, he will execute with prejudice the man who turned State's evidence to jail his father. But it is Keith who turns the tables in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."-Inigo
Played by Marat Oyvetsky.
- Sullivan, Billy "Sully"
Missing boyfriend and dormmate of Wallace and Piz. Here's the bad news: your credit cards have been maxed out by mobsters, and you're in the clink with a nasty knot on your noggin. The good news? You're a darling blond who avoided a weekend with your neurotic girlfriend. All's well that ends well for this Sacramento native in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."-bethgee
Played by Michael Grant Terry.
PCH biker. Felix sent him for Cervando to collect Weevil's bike that fateful night on the Coronado Bridge. My personal theory, though, is that he went to go meet up with Mlder to TP their rival Dogett's house, and then maybe hang out with Fohike afterward. What? What? A girl can dream. The PCH biker names are increasingly ridiculous in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"-marksoflove
- Sunil Patel
- See Patel, Sunil
- Sunset, Detective
Hollywood detective on the fictional detective show Sunset and Detective Vaughn in the fictional world of Cupid. Are you following me here? He's a former Texas Ranger, described as "Western-dressed, though thoroughly modern, sexy, and masculine." Yeah, we bet the naked butt he displays every week is modern, sexy, and masculine, too. As does Jackie, who owns a magical TiVo with an episode saved in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."-Polter-Cow
- Super Hot Guy
Played by Marco Dapper.
- Super Huge Deputy
Not only is he a super huge deputy, he's also a super huge bouncer and a friendly acquaintance of Veronica's! Less great is Veronica's insistence in destroying our hope that he is also a super huge cage dancer, but we guess you can't have everything, can you. Super huge deputy is multi-tasking in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."-grimsqueaker, alliterator
All bios: 2.12 2.11
Played by Marcello Thedford.
Superhero. His theme song goes something like this: Superman, Superman, does whatever a...super can. Okay, maybe not. But he is really super. And also a dick (but not Dick, thank god). Wallace tells Jackie that even Superman comes out of his Fortress of Solitude in 2.17 "Plan B."-alliterator
Person on Woody's contact list. Woody Goodman, you may have already won a fabulous prize! Just send us $21.95 and we'll be happy to tell you whether you've really won anything at all! It's a mystery why someone so spammy-sounding is on Woody's list in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."-funky-donut
Played by Jeffrey G. Barnett.
Assistant to Rob Thomas. No, really! It is perfectly reasonable to assume that Dick emailed Alex Mercer. Who needs a fourth wall? It's the series finale, fools! All bets are off! This is Rick Pickett's last chance to insert shoutouts into the show. Just sit back and enjoy 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."-Polter-Cow
- Surgeon General
The leading spokesperson on public health in the US. We're pretty sure he is neither a surgeon nor a general. Of course, we've been wrong before. Veronica declares that she's calling the SG (probably to inform him of that vampire epidemic or something) in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."-alliterator
- Susan Knight
- See Knight, Susan
- Suzy Doyle
- See Doyle, Suzy
- Sweeney, Nish
- Sylvia Plath
- See Plath, Sylvia
- Søren Kierkegaard
- See Kierkegaard, Søren