Who's Who of Veronica Mars — M
- M., Chris
Future Business Leader of America. Or not, really, considering his investment line in Mr. Pope's stock market game is as flat as Kristen Bell's chest. Chris is not business-savvy, just as God made him, in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-Polter-Cow- M., Dru
Friend/enemy/acquaintance/stranger to Anthony Martin. Is this cat's name Andrew/Andrue? Or maybe he's giving a shot-out to Dru Hill, which reminds me, where the hell has Sisqó been lately? Anthony doesn't seem like a "Thong Song" fan in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-bethgee- M. Fennell
- See Fennell, M.
- M., Jeff
Leaver of message on the board on Anthony and Glen's door. What can one deduce about the author of "New car, homie!! Booyah!!"? That he's hip, cool, and excited? Or that he's a sad nerd who learned his street cred from Jim Cramer on CNBC? It's an unsolved puzzle worthy of investment in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill."
-Inigo- M., Sara
Lilith House member and Fern's snout. That's an English word for informant, and this writer is sticking with it for one simple reason. There can be no doubt that Sara M. is, in fact, the one and only...drum roll, please...Miss Moneypenny. Having finally lost her senses after so many rejections by 007, she has infiltrated that so-called feminist rights organization to learn how to deal with the males of the species. No doubt having to bear her breasts to prove her loyalty and photogenic inadequacy, she keeps a stiff upper torso. Whether really has been raped or whether it's some 00something trick to further her aims isn't at all clear when she texts Fern that news in 3.03 "Wichita Linebacker."
-Inigo- Mrs. M.C. Fenmore
- See Fenmore, Mrs. M.C.
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- Machiavelli, Niccolò
Sixteenth-century political thinker and author of The Prince. His name is, perhaps unfairly, synonymous with corrupt, totalitarian government and the political pragmatism that the ends justify the means. Clemmons's crash course in the Machiavellian "How to Gain and Maintain Power,
PrincipalsPrinciples Be Damned 101" paid off big time in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."-Inigo- Mackay, Karin
The bursar for Hearst College and the one who tells Veronica all about the Hearst ID cards. Does she eat lots of Dried Frogs Pills? Does she go quite insane when she doesn't? Or perhaps hallucinate that she's a waitress in a diner about nothing? We'll probably never know in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-alliterator
Played by Lauren Bowles.- Mackenzie, Mr.
A varsity team basketball player in a Chicago high school. He doesn't play as much as some of the other guys. Maybe he has issues, like wondering if he was switched at birth and really belongs with the Sinclairs in another State of the Union. He scored against St. Michael's; he scored against Palmer, but would he score against the ladies of Neptune? Sadly, we don't get to judge his pulling power in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-Inigo- Mackenzie, Cindy "Mac"
- Mackenzie, Natalie
Mac's mom. The former Ms. Franklin is 47 and blonde. She's a bit flip, a bit silly, and a bit insensitive to her daughter's finer tastes. But hey, she has some smarts. I mean, only a real dummy would give Mac up for Madison, the actual fruit of her labor. Mac's mother is rightfully cheerful in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo
Played by Courtney Gebhart.- Mackenzie, Ryan
Mac's little brother. He is as all little brothers the world over, until they grow up and start bringing home their sexy friends. Ahem. He is five or so, blonde and bothersome in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo
Played by Michael Drummond.- Mackenzie, Samuel
Mac's dad. He is worryingly fixated on camping magazines. Perhaps that is what comes of blowing a million bucks on jet skis, as we learned in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo
Played by David Grant Wright.- Mackie O
- See O, Mackie
- MacMurray, Fred
Actor. One's generation is likely to determine one's first thought on hearing his name. For those of us in our dotage, he will always be remembered as the manipulated Walter Neff in Double Indemnity, the Chandleresque (he co-wrote the screenplay) movie that is often credited as the very first Hollywood film noir. For those who are still able to remember what they did yesterday and are also old enough to vote, he is more likely to be remembered as the avuncular father of TV's My Three Sons or as the absent-minded professor who invented flubber. For the rest of you, the thought is probably, "Who?" Shame on you! Rent Double Indemnity now. Seriously. Veronica shows her MacMurray smarts, and Cliff shows off his MacMurry, in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."
-Inigo- Madame
Pimpette. Neptune-based madame who keeps a tight leash on Max's girlfriend and her other recruits, this savvy businesswoman speaks softly but hires a big Happyfists. Coerced into her limo, the kids are shocked to discover that Wendy's boss is a woman, baby! Guess they missed that story arc on Melrose Place. Veronica has apparently never heard of Heidi Fleiss in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-bethgee
Played by Jackie Debatin.- Madame Rousseau
- See Rousseau, Madame
- Madame Sophie
Local psychic with her own cable-access show. Can she really talk to the dead, or can she talk to someone who can talk to someone who can talk about the dead? Make up your mind (or just let her read it) in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
-Polter-Cow
Played by Christine Estabrook.- Madeline Reynolds
- See Reynolds, Madeline
- Madison Harwell
- See Harwell, Madison
- Madison Sinclair
- Mae
One of the 4400. Or thereabouts. Names. In a phone book. Here is a screenshot. Make up your own snark. Make up your own last name, something preceding Feniress. We're too lazy. Damn you, Rick, and your attention to detail in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Mae Fennell
- See Fennell, Mae
- Mae Hadwell
- See Hadwell, Mae
- Maertens, Dr. Klaus
Inventor of Doc Martens, every alternative youth's favorite footwear. Whether they prefer the standard black calf-high combat boots or they're into the more colorful funky styles, they all came from Dr. Klaus Maertens, the man who invented the original style by adding air-padded soles to standard army boots. Doc Maertens's partner was named Dr. Funck, who the writer of this bio feels a certain kinship with. nixes a good writer from going undercover at Zeta Theta Beta due to her penchant for wearing Docs (and having a unibrow) in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-funky-donut- Magee, Countess
A passenger on the River Boat Queen and a potential killer in the murder mystery Murder on the River Boat Queen. Why would she kill somebody? To avoid people finding out that she's not a real countess? Or did she have some deep, dark secret? Or was she faking a disability like Rutherford Styles? We don't really learn much about her in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-alliterator- Maggie
-
One of the 4400. Or thereabouts. Names. In a phone book. Here is a screenshot. Make up your own snark. Make up your own last name, something preceding Feniress. We're too lazy. Damn you, Rick, and your attention to detail in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo
Played by Dawn Olivieri. - Maggie #2
Friend of a Runaway Bride. Also a fan of Packaged Meat. Has curly brown hair. Really, she's totally unextraordinary — other than her Gollum-like desire for Heidi's precious ring in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-funky-donut- Maggie Fenmore
- See Fenmore, Maggie
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- Mahnoviski, Marianna
An early foster parent for the "prom baby," Marianna gives Veronica Mars, PI all the info she needs. Also, in Soviet Russia, baby adopts you. Marianna is the weak link in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-alliterator
Played by Kristin Lindquist.- Male Solo Dancer
Played by Joseph G. Williamson.- Malibu Barbie
Doll and sun-loving cousin of Barbie. Following her to the beach house might not be quite as easy as tailing Kendall Casablancas working out and committing real estate fraud, but she would be no challenge for Veronica in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-grimsqueaker- Mallory Dent
- Mama Leone
Presumed matriarch of a Mars favorite take-away...take-out...God! I wish the language really was common. That Keith is talking about food when he tells Veronica that he called out to Mama Leone's is an assumption, of course. There are other services that might be considered constituents of a family fun night and The South Park Movie DVD. The Mars family looks forward to a night of pizza, or is it massages in 1.01 "Pilot"?
-Inigo- Mama Mia
Owner of a pizzeria (and catchy ABBA ditty, with the addition of a single "m"). Mama Mia peddles her cheese-drenched wares up and down the streets of Neptune. She employs one of Veronica's biggest fans and provides a dead-end clue to the casino robbery in 3.05 "President Evil."
-bethgee- Manager
The manager at the motel that Amelia DeLongpre stayed in and Veronica investigated. He charges thirty dollars a night, likes "knotty schoolgirls," and suggests that if you want to find a good time, you might try the Gas 'n' Sip down the street. He probably also believes that there's a lattice of coincidence that ties everything together, a collection unconscious in 2.06 "Rat Saw God." Plate o' shrimp!
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Played by Tracey Walter.- Mandy
- Manila Whore Barbie
Like the Aaron Echolls action figure, this is one we want. Now! Veronica's appraisal of her look for the Total Eclipse of the Heart dance is one with which we beg to differ. Veronica is h-h-hot in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo- Mann, Joseph
Stocky father of Paul Mann. Rich and entitled, the head of the Mann clan epitomizes the 09er blueprint in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Kevin Skousen.- Mann, Paul
Heidi Kuhne's fiancé. The prudish jerk hasn't got the balls to tell his free spirited wife-to-be he has changed his mind about their marriage. To add insult to injury, he does it with outdated references. I mean Tawny Kitaen! At least Heidi gets her own back when she rides off into the sunset with his family heirloom in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-fickledame
Played by Christopher Mur.- Mannheim Steamroller
Band notorious for their contemporary interpretations of classical Christmas tunes. We doubt that their music could awaken the spirit of Christmas for Anissa Villapondo, but maybe listening to them would be a good punishment for her suspected attackers in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-grimsqueaker- Manning, Faith
Abandoned appellation of Meg's child. The devout Manning family must have been going for names that evoked respectability, piety, and sweetness when they named her this. They must also have been pretty lax with their viewing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There's a shocker. Duncan's gotta have Faith (or does he?) in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-marksoflove- Manning, Grace
- Manning, Lilly
Offspring of Duncan Kane and Meg Manning. This bundle of joy survived a bus crash as a fetus, exited the womb with aplomb when her mother hemorrhaged to death, and eluded terrorist-tracking FBI agents as an infant. Perhaps it's fitting that Duncan changed her name from Faith to Lilly — this kid is a weapon of mass destruction swaddled in silky pink. And she does look fabulous in it, doesn't she? Auntie would be proud of this natural-born troublemaker in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-marksoflove- Manning, Lizzie
- Manning, Meg
- Manning, Rose
- Manning, Stewart
- Manny
Florist. On speed. Or something else that he's growing. Or perhaps his brain fried at Woodstock where he left his motorbike and his fashion sense. Then again, he's big, cuddly and eager to please and for Purple-faced monkey orchids, there's just nowhere else in town. Manny ums and ahs in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo
Played by Charley Rossman.- Mapes, Christopher
Castle member, class of 1969. Maybe he's the older brother of Peabody-winning, scandal-committing CBS producer, Mary Mapes. We'll bet this Republican congressional wannabe did one of the old facepalms when Rather-gate went down in 2004. Or maybe Chris is Mary's unnamed source — would it be so bad if this guy's only secret was leaning a little to the left and bleeding blue? We'll never know, as his file remains sealed in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-starxdsparrow- Marcel
Bouncer at Blender. He used to be Bone Hamilton's bodyguard but Yolanda was just oh so tempting. Bone's boot and Marcel's groin partied and Marcel made a career change. His journey from bodyguard to bouncer is told in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-Inigo
Played by Bryan Handy.- Marcel Proust
- See Proust, Marcel
- Marchant, Russell
The Hearst Human Resources guy. He gave Weevil the runaround on his workman's comp claim and told Veronica it was phony. He's the one who's phony! I mean, Russell? I thought this name was Brad! Or, wait, was it Ted? Who knows. Weevil wants to fight the "man" with the help of the "woman" in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-alliterator
Played by Patrick Fischler.- Marcos, Danielle
Gossip fodder at Neptune High. The prevailing opinion is that she should have gotten a room in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo- Marcos Oliveres
- Marcus Tully
- See Tully, Marcus
- Marcus Silva
- See Silva, Marcus
- Margaret Federbush
- See Federbush, Margaret
- Margot
Classmate of Kendall Shiflett and Priscilla Banks. She could be the actress who played Lois Lane, we suppose, but it seems kind of unlikely. Her name rhymes with Godot in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-funky-donut- Margot Kidder
- See Kidder, Margot
- Margot Schnell
- See Schnell, Margot
- Marguerite Federbush
- See Federbush, Marguerite
- Maria Oliveres
- See Oliveres, Maria
- Maria Taylor
- See Taylor, Maria
- Marianne
One of the Ladies of the Evening who boasts of her "Sensual Ecstasy." Well, we can certainly tell that she's the
saddersexier, but wiser girl, but will she let you call her "Madam Librarian"? What can she say, my dear, to make this clear...er in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's"?-alliterator- Mario
One of Weevil's numerous cousins. He's seen running around with one of his siblings or cousins (perhaps named Luigi? or perhaps not, since she's a girl) in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo
Played by William Corkery.- Mario #2
One of Angel's guys. He may be handy with cars but he really needs to watch where his piñatas come from. He was lucky not to give one stuffed with steroids to his daughter for her birthday party in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."
-Inigo- Mario #3
Most famous plumber of all time. And here's a bit of trivia: his last name is Mario too! So his name is Mario Mario! Did his parents hate him? Is that why he spent his days in a crazy land with giant mushrooms and fire flowers and bullets with faces and one very angry...whatever Bowser is? In any case, I'm glad the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom put aside their differences to engage in a friendly racing game with speedy mushrooms and exploding bombs and projectile turtle shells and...okay, maybe not so much with the friendly. Logan and Heather bond over high-speed mayhem while their princess is in another castle in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."
-Polter-Cow- Marisol Reyes
- See Reyes, Marisol
- Marjorie
A lady, perhaps, of the street, who describes herself as "Petite and Sweet." She might, it seems, indulge in rhyme, about her body, soft and sublime, but clients may want something less witty, though assured that she is still pretty, when they read the classified ad and decide whether or not to be bad. All the men will read the labels, set out in bold type in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."
-Inigo, alliterator- Marjorie #2
Cool sorority sister in Zeta Theta Beta. She rescues Veronica from the
evilairheaded clutches of Hallie Piatt and Shania, makes fun of her sisters for singing goofy sorority songs, sends Veronica on a safe ride home when she is making a fool of herself while pretending to be drunk, and is very fond of her ill den mother. Unfortunately, Veronica alienates her by outing Karen's pot farm in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."-funky-donut
Played by Rachelle Lefevre.- Mark Thomas
- See Thomas, Mark
- Mark Fraser
- See Fraser, Mark
- Mark Kemink
- See Kemink, Mark
- Marker, Kylie
A correspondent on the Neptune Navigator, much like Meg or Lars. The only difference is that she's gay (unless that's the reason Lars keeps losing girlfriends) and is dating Marlena Nichols. Oh, and she's a blackmailer. We think she better move to some laguna or beach. Blackmail is such an ugly word in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-alliterator
Played by Kristin Cavallari.- Markham, Scott
A member of the Neptune High class of '06. He got accepted to Harvard, but turned them down to go and build dams in Singapore. He broke up with his long-term girlfriend after he caught her in bed with Phil Klemmer and got caught up in the Myxomatosis scandal of '04. Let's hope he has a good future after 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-fickledame- Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
Singer turned actor. Before he was a fairly well-respected actor deemed worthy enough for Marty Scorcese flicks, Mark Wahlberg was the pants-dropping frontman of a faux hip-hop troupe, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Their most notable hit, "Good Vibrations," featured such wisdom as "Drug free! So put the crack up!" Duly noted, Marky Mark. Duly noted, especially it seems by Dick in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-bethgee- Marlena Nichols
- See Nichols, Marlena
- Marlene Dietrich
- See Dietrich, Marlene
- Marlow, Edward
A member of the Castle in 1933, Marlow wasn't tall, but he tried to be. He was as obvious as a kangaroo in a dinner jacket. He liked his brandy in a glass and he collected bottles and blondes. Too bad the Castle wouldn't let him be a shamus like he wanted to be — he had to pass that on to his nephew, Philip. Ed's name was really Reilly, Doghouse Reilly in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-alliterator- Marlowe, Philip
Raymond Chandler's hardboiled detective. The archetypical private eye, he loved liquor, women and working alone. Keith shows that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery when he apes his role model in 1.06 "Return of the Kane."
-Inigo- Maron, Marc
Comic. A poster for his album Not Sold Out adorns the walls of KRFF, Hearst College Radio. It's good that Maron has a presence at a radio station somewhere, having lost his broadcasts "Morning Sedition" and "The Marc Maron Show" in the last year, allegedly due to pissing off Air America executives. In the pinko-liberal mode of Jon Stewart, Maron is an obvious role model for budding shock jocks in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."
-Inigo- Marone, Betina
"Booty buddy" of Dick Casablancas and bus crash victim. In addition to the dubious judgement that caused her to regularly sleep with Dick Casablanacas without protection, Betina was also lacking in discretion since she seemed to enjoy playing Dick's voicemail messages about their trysts to anyone who would listen. Like, say, a bus full of soon-to-be-dead students. Of course, since she was only sleeping with Dick in the hopes that he'd get her pregnant and thus elevate her station in life, perhaps her oversharing was more calculated than tacky. Or not. Betina is trashy and also dead in 2.18 "I Am God."
-public displays of lust
Played by Blythe Auffarth.- Mars, Keith
- Mars, Lianne
- Mars, Veronica
- Mars-Wan Kenobi
- See Kenobi, Mars-Wan
- Marsh, Stan
The straight man of the South Park four, prone to summarizing, with varying success, the moral of the story. Dude, that is pretty fucked up right there. I mean, those guys never got to have an encounter with an evil barber! You know, I learned something today. When it comes to a choice between anvilicious voiceovers and poo, Mr. Hankey will win out every time. At least I can't say "Oh, my God! They killed LoVe!" in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men." Or can I?
-Inigo- Marsha
Neptune High School student and wannabe S.A.A.C. girl. According to the zealots of Students Against Animal Cruelty, you shouldn't eat eggs because that's like, you know, eating baby. According to the carnivorous members of this site, you should eat eggs because that's like, you know, tasty. Eggs. Dairy. Meat. Yum-my. Marsha gets a lecture in 1.16 "Betty and Veronica."
-Inigo, wyk- Martha
Rottweiler at Beacon Corp. Okay, so she's not a dog, or not a canine anyway. But she is a bit of a bitch and an obstreperous one at that. She won't let Roger be super to Veronica. It takes one Mr. Anderson to show who has the real bite and the balls in 1.05 "You Think You Know Somebody."
-Inigo
Played by Elaine Brammell.- Martha #2
Caterer from Elite Catering. She has a bizarre understanding of confidentiality agreements. But how else would we have found out that she fired her le trancheur on Aaron's whim in 1.10 "An Echolls Family Christmas."
-Inigo
Played by Kimberly Stanphill.- Martha Stewart
- See Stewart, Martha
- Martin
Student at Neptune, sweet but a little moony. Veronica and Meg think he may be sweet on Meg but little do they know for the real secret admirer is.... All is revealed in 1.15 "Ruskie Business."
-Inigo
Played by William Regan.- Martin Amis
- See Amis, Martin
- Martin, Anthony
After unsuccesfully hitting on Mac, Anthony drank so much that he stumbled back to his dorm. However, on the way there, he heard the gunshot from Dean O'Dell's supposed suicide. After hearing the violence inherent in the system, he...watched Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Well, at least it provided Veronica with an approxomite time of death.
-alliterator
All bios: 3.12 3.09
Played by Paul Gagliano.- Martin, Charles
Staff writer on Neptune's newspaper. Some time ago, he reported on the two million dollar settlement paid out by a hospital to two local families after a baby swap tragedy. Two families decided to keep the wrong baby in exchange for a few bucks: an incredibly heart-wrenching tragedy or a highly unbelievable plot contrivance by the show's writers? Then again, the babies were four when it all came out. Look at your four-year-old. Would you swap him or her back? His piece is on microfiche in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo- Martin Heidegger
- See Heidegger, Martin
- Martina Vasquez
- See Vasquez, Martina
- Martins
An 09er family in Neptune, the twin daughters of which Meg Manning babysits (when she is not in a coma). Veronica never gets to meet them when she temporarily substitutes for Meg, but based on the 09er children she does meet, think more Joan of Arcadia first season finale than Bobbsey. In fact, one is probably safer thinking more along the lines of the twins in The Shining. Their lack of penises (peni?) makes them unseen in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-Inigo- Marty
Aaron's something. Dogsbody, perhaps? (Dogsbody. Noun. A person who does the menial and boring tasks.) He gets an earful from Aaron for there being no homeless shelters closer to home in 1.06 Return of the Kane.
-Inigo- Marty #3
Student of Chinese. Along with pal Vincent, he is Veronica's saving grace when he deciphers a Chinese character. They decide the character means "grace," or in this case, assistant professor of Chinese, Professor Grace Schaffer. Both Marty and Vincent show grace under pressure in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-starxdsparrow
Played by Alain Uy.- Marty #2
Name on a whiteboard behind the head of Sheriff Mars. If this is a list of assignments for deputies, then Marty here either has two last names or he's got the honor of being the only deputy listed by first name. OMG, could Deputy Sacks's first name be Marty?! The name would fit, but all we know is that Marty is paired up with Ramirez in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-funky-donut- Marvin Chase
- See Chase, Marvin
- Marvin Edisto
- See Edisto, Marvin
- Mary
The "Sexy Babe" of the classifieds. "Some ladies don't know the importance of a full body, relaxing massage to give a client what he needs. Let me show you how." Huh. The headline and the message seem strangely disconnected. Mary, Mary, so contrary, how does your business grow? With oily gels and musky smells and naked butts all in a row. Mary's ad for lessons on kneading the needy is given space in 1.17 "Kanes and Abel's."
-Inigo- Saint Mary
Mother of Jesus Christ, or The Big J, as he's not known in any circles that we're aware of. She's the only woman who can bring the PCHers and the Fitzpatricks together (well, almost). What would she say, however, if she knew that bringing them together only facilitated the trading of illegal drugs? She would probably take her son's name in vain, and that's not being down with G-O-D. Veronica apologizes to the most famous virgin in all of history in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-Polter-Cow- Mary B.
- See B., Mary
- Mary Jo Patton
- See Patton, Mary Jo
- Masako Van Lowe
- See Van Lowe, Masako
- Mason
- Masterson, Jeremy
Alicia's layabout tenant. He plays crazy. Unfortunately for him, Keith plays crazier. Now that he no longer has to worry about paying rent, maybe he can buy himself a sandwich or something. The famine look doesn't look good in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."
-wyk
Played by Joel Bissonnette.- Matchbox 20
Alt-rock band that took the fast train to adult-contemporary station. They want to push you around, well they will, WELL THEY WILL! Breaking onto the scene in 1997, Rob Thomas and some random other musicians released a few great pop songs, decided to start spelling out "twenty," released several more tolerable pop songs, and watched their familiarly named frontman hit the road to make a solo album full of music that sounded exactly the same as his band's. All you fans out there, don't get terribly bent out of shape; Mac says a reunion may be in the works in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-bethgee- Matt Barone
- See Barone, Matt
- Matt Dillon
- See Dillon, Matt
- Maureen
Neptune High student. "Sadness peppered with much attitude" is a good way to describe this grieving friend of Betina, one of the bus crash victims. She resents the way Dick treated Betina like a piece of meat and calls him the bastard child of Satan. Maybe she's upset that she'll never meet Satan's bastard grandchild. Maureen rolls her eyes and tells it like it is in 2.18 "I Am God."
-topanga
Played by Vanessa Lee Chester.- Max
- Mayer, John
Sensitive "rock" star. With lush brown curls, a knack for sugary lyrics, and a voice that sounds five seconds shy of an asthma attack, John Mayer sings the songs that make the young girls (and the elder Simpson sister) cry. It likewise pains Piz to quote what is arguably his worst pop single, "Your Body Is a Wonderland," in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-bethgee- Mayor
Neptune's first citizen. He seems to find Veronica...disrespectful. For God's sake, Wizard-of-Oz-quoting Don Lamb is the local sheriff. You must have a sense of humor! This luminary makes an appearance in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo
Played by Jeff Rector.- McBride, Timothy Hamlin
Name appearing on a Google search for Patrick Nickerson. If Harry Hamlin and Martina McBride were to have a love child (never meant to be!), we imagine they'd call him Timmy. They won't, but it's fun to imagine. Little Timmy does not come out to play with the other white-collar criminals in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-starxdsparrow- McCaber, Lawrence Patrick
Name appearing on a Google search for Patrick Nickerson. This is obviously some sort of secret code. Let's see...McCaber? Maybe that's an incorrect anagram of "macabre"! And, of course, both Lawrence and Patrick are names of saints. Uh, the clues lead to...I've got nothing. Luckily, Veronica doesn't have the same problem in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-starxdsparrow- McCaffery, Howard F.
Name appearing on a Google search for Patrick Nickerson. Howard must have some horrendous middle name if Google won't even divulge it. Franz? Fergie? Fisty? The world may never know since Veronica is not on that case in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-starxdsparrow- McCartney, Paul
The cute Beatle. Half of what was arguably the most talented songwriting team in the history of popular music, Paul McCartney, together with John Lennon, penned classics such as "Yesterday," "Eleanor Rigby," and "A Day in the Life." A successful solo career and knighthood followed. Unfortunately, all of this has been overshadowed of late as poor Sir Paul serves as a cautionary tale to divorced wealthy folk everywhere. Pre-nup, my friend! Paul's personal problems don't stop Keith from dropping numerous Beatles references in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-bethgee- McCormack, Cliff
- McDade, Mrs.
Mother of baby Ryder. Living in the 09 zip code of Neptune, you'd think she'd have the servants to clean up after the babysitter's dog if there is an accident. Forcing Chester to stay outside gives the dognappers the opportunity to...nap in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- McDade, Mr.
Father of baby Ryder. With grounds like this, you'd think he could afford a bit of security for the babysitter's dog. What does he and the missus get up to twice a week, anyway? The answer is not revealed in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- McDade, Ryder
Baby sat on by Mandy. No, that's not quite right. Mandy's charge when she babysits for the McDades. We are anticipating Ryder's future appearance when he sues his parents for millions for saddling him with a name straight out of a torrid romance novel. As it is, he slept through Chester barking up a storm and everything else in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- McDade, Todd
Graduating Neptune High student and current Hearst student. After successfully not impregnating his girlfriend, not fleeing the country, not becoming a murder suspect, not getting blown up in a bus, not getting blackmailed for being gay, and not contracting any STDs in his senior year, Todd spent the months after his graduation interning in his father's company in Tokyo, where he fell in love with a nice young woman named Kudo Michi. Who knows, maybe there is one student from Neptune headed for a happy ending after all. Todd's fate was undecided in 2.22 "Not Pictured," but we think working for a rat slave has provided him many opportunities, including access to amateur porn in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-grimsqueaker
All bios: 3.20 2.22- McDonald, Mary
Blind matriarch of the Fitzpatricks. Her grip on her family can't be quite as secure as the one Mary McDonnell's Laura Roslin has on humanity in Battlestar Galactica, given that grandson Liam Fitzpatrick uses her dear departed husband's Barracuda to scare rich teens and run over dogs without her knowledge in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Patricia Place.- McGee, Lieutenant
A person who has a radical plan for what the ex-former Greek houses should become: a ROTC training battlefield. Bravo! Now the militant feminists can actually be trained by the military! Unfortunately, McGee's hopes and dreams are shattered by Dean O'Dell's reinstatement of the Greek system. I think we have a suspect over here! McGee's nothing like his NCIS counterpart in 3.09 "Spit & Eggs."
-alliterator- McGill, John
Journalist. He wrote the story headlined "Mystery Sharks' Stadium body identified as PCH gang leader," which serves as Thumper's obituary and a clarion call for the witnesses of Weevil's doom in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."
-Inigo- McGowan, Rose
Actress, former paramour of Marilyn Manson. Man, if it's true that sleeping with someone is like sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with, and if it's true that Desmond really scored with all the actresses he claims to have, then he needs to get some penicillin, stat. Rose's "good name" is sullied in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-funky-donut- McGrady, Tracy
Guard/forward for the Houston Rockets. He's purportedly scoring points for Logan's fantasy basketball team. Of course, that's the only way he could be scoring points, given that he's been sidelined for a back injury. Perhaps one day he'll get a trophy for a rim job, but not in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-Polter-Cow- McGrath, Mark
Comely singer for the band Sugar Ray, who had some success in the music world with hits such as "Fly" and "Every Morning." He's gone on to some acting gigs, and he's currently hosting Extra, a syndicated entertainment news show. Veronica would rather drink Mark's bathwater (ew!) than the Panty Dropper that Hallie Piatt offers her in 3.02 "My Big Fat Greek Rush Week."
-funky-donut- McGregor, Professor
Pauline and Gil Thomas's academic advisor. He's not too impressed with Veronica's sleuthing skills, and he seems to think that his students are slightly incompetent fools. One can only guess how their grades will be affected by the Great Monkey Debacle of 2007. The fate of their degrees rests in his hands in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."
-fulfilled
Played by Mark Chaet.- McKinnon, Robbie
09er suspected — and then convicted — of the aggravated assault of Anissa Villapondo. Unlike his cohort Hunter Hayes, he doesn't sound like a superhero. Actually, he sounds like Rod MacKinnon, the recent Nobel Prize winner whose pioneering work on the location and orientation of the voltage sensor has revolutionized the ion channel field. The two don't have much in common, though. One is twenty-one, and one is forty-nine. One likes to beat up Latina women, and one likes to teach himself X-ray crystallography. One likes to get a closer look at certain orifices, and one lives in Neptune. Robbie sure doesn't win any prizes, Nobel or noble, in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica," which makes it unsurprising that he's stuck in Chino in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.14 2.10- McKinnon, Robert
Father to Robbie and sports agent to "Matrix" Myles. I didn't think sports agents had any time for their families. Heh. Maybe that's just me. But there must have been some fatherly love, as the elder McKinnon clearly used
magichis connections to connect the pimp and the 09er defendant in the trial that Veronica juried in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."-BepperGirl- McQueen, Steve
Actor who was one of Hollywood's biggest stars during the 1960s and early 1970s. He became the epitome of "cool" because of his onscreen persona as a rebellious, brooding loner. In 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle", Veronica wonders if Wallace thinks his Hummer-driving basketball buddy is as cool as McQueen. The following week, Veronica wonders if her Impala-driving hoodlum homie is as criminal as McQueen's character Thomas Crown. Come on! Isn't McQueen kind of a dated reference for these born-during-the-late-1980s teens? Watch as the born-during-the-1960s/1970s writers make another McQueen reference in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-wyk
All bios: 2.13 2.12- McRapesalot, Fisty
Logan's hypothetical cellmate in prison. Aww, has somebody been watching too much Oz? Come on, prison's not that bad — it has to be pretty civilized, since dear old Dad seems right at home. Can you dig it? Logan seems more likely to dig an escape tunnel, and shares Wallace's love for top bunk, in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"
-marksoflove- Meeks, Deputy
One of the deputies who lost Ray Lee Hampstead. Keith took great pleasure in reading the story out loud to the current sheriff. But not for nothing is Lamb a political animal with a skewed view of responsibility. He snidely points out that Keith was the one who hired Meeks in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Meesig, Robert
Co-author of "The Criminal Investigation Process and the Role of Forensic Evidence," a text that Landry quotes. Currently a professor at Grand Valley State University, Robert Meesig was a doctoral student of Frank Horvath, making him the Tim to Frank's Hank in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-tallow- Meg Ryan
- See Ryan, Meg
- Mel Stoltz
- Mel's Assistant
Uh...Mel's assistant...or the receptionist at Stoltz Industries, depending on your viewpoint. Job duties include answering phones, directing calls, and keeping people the boss doesn't want to see out of his
hairoffice. Unable to do at least one of those jobs correctly, perhaps she's Mel's true handicap in 3.13 "Postgame Mortem."-tallow
Played by Jennifer Halverson.- Melanie Fennell
- See Fennell, Melanie
- Melinda
A Veronica alias, scrawny hospitality hostess at the Duke Hotel. Veronica escorts Dime Bag and his crew to their hotel room and shows them the bathroom, a TV, some chairs, a phone, and the proper way to bug a gangsta rapper's room without getting shot up. Ooo, it sounds like dirty business in 1.13 "Lord of the Bling."
-wyk- Melinda Button
- See Button, Melinda
- Melissa Lewis
- See Lewis, Melissa
- Melissa Rivers
- See Rivers, Melissa
- Melton, Hank "Crazy Hank"
Mechanic who works at Mint Condition Car Detailing off the Interstate. Often works on Terrence Cook's car whenever he goes to the Seven Rivers Casino. We're not sure why, but maybe it's because Terrence loves his cars so dearly that he doesn't want to risk gambling them away. Although, he might be taking an equal risk trusting them to a guy nicknamed "Crazy Hank" in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-alliterator- Melvil Dewey
- See Dewey, Melvil
- Melville, Herman
Author most famous for some book about a whale. This brilliant novel explores such universal themes as the contrast between civilized and pagan society, the folly of blasphemy, and how to tie a knot. Also, Chapter 63 is called "The Crotch." No, really. It's unlikely he wrote it with the Joshola crayons we see in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
-Polter-Cow- Menendez, L.
Person who runs a correctional camp at Waterloo. The camp recently underwent a performance audit. Wait a second! Does that L stand for...Lyle?! We question the correctional tactics of this camp in 3.05 "President Evil."
-Polter-Cow- Mercado, Carlos
Argentinean diplomat's son, Ibiza beach partier, good liar, and probable murderer of Amelia DeLongpre. Veronica learns his name and Clarence Wiedman learns his location from the marked money he's spreading around in Nevada's diamond of the desert. Mercado better run because if Wiedman catches up with him, he will be staying in Vegas — forever. That is until Gil Grissom digs him up and discerns his identity from the worm snuggled in his eye socket. The Mars/Wiedman partnership just digs up the facts in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."
-marksoflove- Mercer, Mr.
High school basketball player in Chicago. He's in a winning team with some guys, including Teddy Dunn and Tessa Thompson. He scores points, he assists, but he never gets a rebound. What's up with that? See the scores on the doors or how he rocks in the box in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-Inigo- Mercer Hayes
- Merrill, M.
Wallace's History professor on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and a day that begins with H (Hiroday? Hurleyday? Humptydumptyday?) from 12:40 to 2:10 in room 489, and for some class called Led. (Led Zeppelin? Cool.) from 2:30 to 5:40 in room 365 with Mr. Wilson. Who is Wilson? We don't know. What building are these rooms in? No clue. Is Prof. Merrill related to Meryl? Probably not. Does the M stand for Mutant? Okay, that's a stretch. But Merrill is a mystery that teaches history in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-alliterator
|
- META
Teaching assistant at Hearst College. This TA hands back the mechanical engineering make-up test that poor Wallace failed. He also summons him to go see about the most recent exam, after Wallace is caught cheating (say it ain't so, Wallace!). META loves being the bearer of bad news in 3.05 "President Evil."
-topanga
Played by Todd Bosley.- Mexican Cop
Cool as a cucumber, this shining pillar of justice hardly breaks a sweat when a crazy foreigner entreats on the last minutes of his little afternoon delight. He proves that police work can be fun in 1.20 "M.A.D.."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Juan Monsalvez.- Meyer, Debbie
Seventeen year old runaway, also known as Rain. She survived four foster homes since the age of eight. She was abused in at least two of them. Crikey! She found acceptance, bad fireside folk music, and poinsettias at the Moon Calf Collective in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."
-Inigo
Played by Megalyn Echikunwoke.- Michael
Roving reporter for Neptune Navigator TV. His voice makes an appearance is heard in 1.08 "Like a Virgin."
-Inigo- Saint Michael
Archangel, patron saint of mariners, grocers, the sick, the lonely and the oppressed, and wielder of a flaming sword. Good thing that Michael is usually busy vanquishing the fiend, or Wallace's Chicago team would have thought twice about beating the Catholic St. Michael's High School. St. Michael is too occupied to care about basketball in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-grimsqueaker- Michael Cook
- See Cook, Michael
- Michael Barbary
- See Barbary, Michael
- Michael Curry
- See Curry, Michael
- Michael Jordan
- See Jordan, Michael
- Michelle
Someone who left her name for Piz on his whiteboard. Go Piznarski! Don't let that torch you bear hold you back! I mean, you like The Beatles, so you have to go out with someone named Michelle. Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble en 3.09 "Broche et Oeufs."
-alliterator- Michelle Thompson
- Mick Jagger
- See Jagger, Mick
- Mickey
Pseudonym. The alias Keith calls Cliff when the pair poses as two struggling voiceover actors to entrap Steven Batando. Oh, Cliff, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows our mind in 3.05 "President Evil."
-bethgee- Mickey #2
Name on a bowling shirt rejected by Veronica. Unlike Piz, Veronica elected not to go with the "ironic" enthusiastic bowling shirt...or is that post-ironic? Is the rejection of the ironic shirt in itself ironic? Trying to sort out the irony makes our heads hurt in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-misskiwi- Mickey Mouse
Cartoon mouse from the wonderful world of Disney. Like all mice, he squeaks. His name is a euphemism for small fry, like the fake IDs Veronica admitted to in 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons."
-Inigo- Mike
Amelia's boyfriend before she ditched him in Ibiza. He likes The Loons and folds like a sock under pressure (namely, the pressure of Clarence Wiedman, Jr. pushing him out the window) in 2.06 "Rat Saw God."
-alliterator
Played by Greg Baine.- Mike B.
- See B., Mike
- Mike #2
A name on the wall of the boys' bathroom, as in "I love Mike." There are two schools of thought. Either production costs are so stripped to the bone that they can't afford to change the graffiti when the girls' bathroom doubles for the boys' utility, or the gay community at Neptune High really likes proclaiming their affections. Or maybe Ryan is fickle in his. Either way, the man-love wall serves as an appropriate backdrop to Logan and Weevil's bonding *cough* in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-Inigo- Mike Jurgensen
- See Jurgensen, Mike
- Mike Kennedy
- See Kennedy, Mike
- Mike K. Plagge
- See Plagge, Mike K.
- Mike Wacker
- See Wacker, Mike
- Mike Weiss
- See Weiss, Mike
- Milano, Alyssa
Actress. She plays a witch who is Charmed and got her on-screen sister fired for having a better cleavage. Allegedly. Logan likes to find naked pictures of her on the net. We honestly don't get it, but he obviously does in 1.02 "Credit Where Credit's Due."
-Inigo- Mildred Ratched
- See Ratched, Mildred
- Milf
Transvestite escort, found on the internet as Bambi_Gasm. Now, what could MILF stand for, since it obviously can't stand for "Mom I'd Like to Family-friendly-site"? Man, I Love Fur? Milk Is, Like, Fun? Michael in Living Flesh? Who knows? Milf is confusing in 2.13 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."
-funky-donut
Played by Laura McLauchlin.- Milla Jovovich
- See Jovovich, Milla
- Millie Fauver
- See Fauver, Millie
- Mills, Holly
Teacher, editor of the Neptune High School literary magazine and Moon Calf Collective mother-figure. She entices the dispossessed and writers of bad teen poetry in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."
-Inigo
Played by Amy Laughlin.- Milt Fauver
- See Fauver, Milt
- Mindy O'Dell
- Minkoff, Lainie
Erotic chatter. One wonders what a "live chat" with an escort would involve. Does it consist of men with one hand on the keyboard sending messages such as, "LOL wut R U wearing? Take that mink OFF babiee!"? Or perhaps it's actually a philosophical discourse on the meaning of love and monogamy in today's online age. It's probably the former, but such questions are not answered in 3.11 "Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves."
-funky-donut- Minogue, Kylie
Annoying pint-sized pop-princess. Gia sang "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" to a table of cute boys who turned out to be not quite the Jason Donovans she was expecting in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."
-fickledame- Minx, Veronica
Name Dick calls Veronica Mars. Were this show called Dick Casablancas, Veronica Minx would probably be a skanky, long-legged chick in a bikini only waiting to "investigate" our surferboy. For hours. Every day. Sounds dreamy, doesn't it? Good thing Dick never gets any voice-overs, and especially not in 2.18 "I Am God."
-grimsqueaker- Miranda Apfel
- See Apfel, Miranda
- Miranda, Ernesto
Subject of a landmark Supreme Court decision on reading criminal suspects their rights. Ernesto Miranda had the right to remain silent. If he gave up that right, anything he said could be and was used against him in a court of law. He had the right to an attorney and to have an attorney present during questioning. If he could not afford an attorney, one would have been provided to him at no cost. During any questioning, he could decide at any time to exercise these rights, not answer any questions or make any statements. However, in 1963, when Mr. Miranda was interrogated for two hours regarding allegations of rape and kidnapping, he was not informed of these rights, and his confession led to his conviction. Ironically, some years later when he was murdered, the leading suspect relied on his rights and disappeared, leaving that case unsolved. Huh. That's a pretty long and humorless WW for a one-second Lamb reference. Thank goodness Lamb saves the day by suggesting he and Weevil do the Miranda warning in two-part harmony in 3.05 "President Evil."
-Inigo- Misha S.
- See S., Misha
- Miss White Trash
- See White Trash, Miss
- misterclean221
Email pseudonym for Tommy "Lucky" Dohanic. Mister clean, mister clean...Bald head? Nope, Tommy's got hair. Brawny? Nope, Tommy's more like Scrawny. Clean? Well, if you count bleaching your feet like a maniac...misterclean gives the episode number a shout-out in 2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."
-funky-donut- Prosecutor Mitch Redding
- See Redding, Prosecutor Mitch
- Mitchell, Randal
Hearst College radio station DJ. He hosts a show called "Soul Brother," probably featuring copious Blues Brothers references and a poor James Brown imitation. We think it would be more entertaining if it were "Sole Brother," a call-in advice show for lonely frat boys. Nevertheless, Papa's got a brand new bag in 3.07 "Of Vice and Men."
-leila6- Mitchell, Robin
Castle member, class of 2010. Robin Mitchell's big secret is he's really a woman — therefore, the Castle has officially moved into the twentieth century (only 107 years too late!). If that's the case, we're surprised Robin's QuickTime movie didn't make the same rounds as Veronica's. No matter what, though, we're right there with Nish in hoping the Castle becomes more female-friendly. Maybe they'll add a turret where we can let our hair down? Here's hopin' in 3.20 "The Bitch Is Back."
-starxdsparrow- Mitchell-Wat , R.
Hearst professor who teaches economics. At least, it's probably economics. Maybe Hearst is on the Al Gore train and is offering "Eco" classes on how to be more environmentally friendly. Whatever he's teaching, Wallace is taking it, even though he has an engineering course in the same time slot. The "Eco" professor's name is seen on Wallace's class schedule in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-misskiwi- Mize, Justin
One of the boys from Woody's Little League team. Poor Justin, this was his one chance of being on national TV, but he screws it up by wearing his baseball cap so low that we can't see the top half of his face in 2.22 "Not Pictured."
-wyk- MIZZ P
Screen name of Peter Ferrer, a poster on the Pirate's S.H.I.P. (Student Homosexual Internet Posting) board. Veronica won't be breathily singing "Happy birthday, Miss P" to him any time soon as MIZZ P is no more. He has met his maker, Marilyn Monroe and Jack Kennedy in that great party in the sky. MIZZ P died in the bus crash, taking his knowledge of the "outing of all outings" with him or so we learn in 2.14 "Versatile Toppings."
-Inigo- Mo, Danny
Name on a poster on both Anthony Martin's and paint-balling gamers' walls. What's the bigger mystery: why a white-leisure-suit-wearing, pompadour-styling, waterfall-posing singer is Neptune's most popular musical sensation or whether this inexplicably popular singer is a shout-out to VM Assistant Director Danny "Mo" Mulvaney in 3.12 "There's Got To Be A Morning After Pill" and 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti"?
-wyk
All bios: 3.16 3.12- Moan-a Lisa, Miss
Noisy ex-tenant at the Sunset Cliffs Apartments. Not a cold and lonely lovely work of art, but one of the Mars's next-door neighbors. Whether or not she has that enigmatic smile or is really Da Vinci himself must forever remain a mystery. There was a time when Veronica used to solve such things. Now she is just pleased to see the moving van in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-Inigo- Moby Dick
Whale. White whale, to be exact. White whale with a taste for legs, to be even more exact. I know that, to the common apprehension, this phenomenon of whiteness is not confessed to be the prime agent in exaggerating the terror of objects otherwise terrible, but the most badass whale in all of literature (oh, he would have ripped Jonah to shreds) fills Edwin Fuller's mind with thoughts of gore in 2.07 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner" and appears on a poster in 2.20 "Look Who's Stalking."
-Polter-Cow
All bios: 2.20 2.07- Mock/Monk/Mark
Tattooist at the River Stix. We are not sure if the long, hard years as the menacing leader of Neptune's first family of crime have taken their toll on Liam Fitzpatrick, but his enunciation certainly leaves something to be desired, so we sadly cannot tell you if this tattoo artist is called Mock, Monk, or Mark. We also don't know if the tattoos he creates talk to their owners, but that would certainly explain some of the Fitzpatrick attitude. Mock, Monk, or Mark is sketching in 2.08 "Ahoy, Mateys!"
-grimsqueaker- Moe Slater
- Mokky, B.
Cora's science teacher. Maybe. Or maybe not. It's really hard to make out what Cora's schedule actually says in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
-wyk- Molinda, Zeke
Hearst student. He's a friend of Apollo Bukenya and was his roommate during their freshman year. Working at the African Student Alliance stall at the Hearst job fair, he spins Veronica a fishy tale, landing her hook, line, and sinker. Nice guy? Yeah, and a good liar in 3.18 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."
-Inigo
Played by Edi Gathegi.- Molière,
French playwright, author of Tartuffe and Le Misanthrope, and actor in a commedia dell'arte troupe. Known for his farcical comedies, he actually preferred tragedies, although he's not known for many. He also went down in theatre history as the originator of one of theatre's many superstitions when he died while performing Le Malade Imaginaire, and because he was wearing yellow when he died, it is now considered bad luck for actors to wear yellow onstage — along with using real flowers, whistling backstage, having mirrors onstage, saying the last line of a play in rehearsal, and, of course, uttering the name of That Scottish Play. Hearst's theatre department tries to perform Tartuffe but are thwarted by cooking spray in 3.05 "President Evil."
-fulfilled- Molly
A dog that could catch a frisbee. If only she'd had the good sense not to whiz in the Kane flower beds, she'd still be Duncan's best friend. Would that have led to Logan pissing in the flower beds? We'll never know. Duncan toasts the memory of Molly in 1.03 "Meet John Smith."
-Inigo- Molly #2
A missing black-and-white, shaggy, brown-eyed mutt. Is she unsinkable, or pretty in pink, or known to push a wheelbarrow in Dublin? She's obviously special if her owner is willing to part with a $500 reward to get her back in 1.19 "Hot Dogs."
-Inigo- Molly Fitzpatrick
- Molotov, Vyacheslav
A Soviet Politician who was the People's Commissar for Foreign Affairs under Stalin, during the Soviet invasion of Finland, Molotov claimed that the Soviets weren't dropping bombs, but food for the starving Finns. The Finns subsequently nicknamed the bombs "Molotov picnic baskets" and then started calling their own crude incendiary devices "Molotov cocktails." Those funny Finns! Though probably not quite as funny as Keith's story of setting his own car on fire with one such cocktail in 3.10 "Show Me the Monkey."
-alliterator- Moltar
A lava man (known as "the lord of the mighty ovens that can incinerate any and all foes") and former enemy of Space Ghost. He was later forced to be producer and director of Space Ghost's talk show. Moltar has been happily married to his wife Linda for six years. He likes CHiPS and Erik Estrada. The Real Kendall knows her cartoon villains in 2.19 "Nevermind the Buttocks."
-alliterator- Monet, Claude
Artist, he of Water Lillies fame. He should be resting peacefully in his grave in the knowledge that Madison Sinclair is ignorant of him and his works according to Mac in 1.11 "Silence of the Lamb."
-Inigo- Monica
Desmond's corruption of Ms. Mars's given name. With all the gallant charm of a blind-drunk hustler, DF invites "Monica" to hang with him backstage. Thankfully, our girl declines the invite, but she can't shake the nickname. V joins the ranks of Gellar, Lewinsky, Potter, and Belluci in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-Alex- Monica Hadwin
- See Hadwin, Monica
- Monique
Hearst student. Possibly Stacy's well-wishing friend from 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff," she rooms across from Mac and Parker, as her cute little whiteboard attests in 3.01 "Welcome Wagon."
-grimsqueaker
All bios: 3.01 2.16- Monk, Adrian
An obsessive compulsive detective. Keith impersonates him to get into Steve Batando's apartment. Keith must be a really good actor to impersonate Tony Shalhoub. It's probably a gift and a curse. Keith may be afraid of snakes, but he's not afraid of germs or milk in 3.05 "President Evil."
-alliterator- Monk, Dr. Harriet
Doctor at the hospital where Keith recovers from his burns. She gets paged because physiotherapy needs her. Veronica is too oblivious to notice in 1.22 "Leave It to Beaver."
-Inigo- Montana, Jack
Neptune's corrupt local assessor. His part in Big Dick's real estate scam exposed, he probably won't be lunching and swapping bags with Kendall Casablancas again any time soon. Veronica takes his picture in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Michael Otis.- Monte Rucker
- See Rucker, Monte
- Montgomery, Abigail
Hearst student and fake IDer. She was the one who used the fake name of Sylvia Plath and fingered Weevil (not like that!) in a line-up. But it turns out that she's just a Lying Liar Who Lies. Shame on you, Abigail, for not living up to your name. Previous Montgomeries have been red-headed doctors, blonde witches/actresses, Scottish spaceship engineers, and middle names for evil old corporate men at nuclear power stations. Shame on you for not living up to them in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-alliterator
Played by Saige Thompson.- Moon
Pi Sigma Signoramus. (Heh. Those names are fun to think up.) This accomplished point-earning ladies man has a pair of surgical gloves pinned to his spot on the PiSS wall of honor. Geez. There's kind of nothing I can add to that. The moon thankfully never rises in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-marksoflove- Mooney, Mary
Neptune High lunch lady. She may be deaf, beholden to the man who impregnated her as a teenager, and one of two people in all the world with only good memories of Lianne Reynolds, but one wonders if she didn't come out a winner from her high school trauma. After all, she wasn't stuck with her daughter Trina. Feel, belatedly, even sorrier for Mary's ultimate surrogate in 2.09 "My Mother, the Fiend."
-marksoflove
Played by Terrylene Sacchetti.- The Mooney Suzuki
American rock band. Not to be confused with the Spotty Ducati, the Marquee Kawasaki, the Sporting Norton, or the Gnarly Harley, the Mooney Suzuki took their name from the lead singers of a band they admired, and only got the product endorsement later. Hearst College Radio posts their posters and rocks the rollers in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity."
-Inigo- Moore, Kelvin
Neptune High Senior. Living proof that 09ers aren't the only jackasses in Neptune, Kelvin is great at football, as well as picking on the weak and helpless. Good thing that Wallace also fell victim to the fake drug tests scam and caused Veronica to take on the case, or Kelvin could now follow only one of his favorite pastimes in 2.01 "Normal Is the Watchword."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Charles Duckworth.- Moorehead, Principal Alan
- Mopey
Logan's nickname for the grieving Duncan.
A 6 feet high dwarf by adoption, Mopey lives in his cozyhuthotel suite, together with his friends Sleazy, Dog, Scrappy, Needy, Jumpy and Bashful. Given his soft spot for fair princesses, we wonder if cartoon birds braid his hair, too, in 2.11 "Donut Run."-grimsqueaker- Moran, David "Curly"
- More, J.
Cora's civics teacher in 2.05 "Blast from the Past."
"Hey, that's it? Where's the snarky bio?"
Dude, this is a civics teacher. Just be glad I stayed awake long enough to type what I did.
-wyk- Morgan, Carl
Difficult one, this — an alias for Nathan Woods? The confusion lies in how Keith got this name for the man stalking Alicia. Is it the name she told him? Keith tells Lamb that Morgan's a drug dealer and wanted for armed robbery. Lamb makes Keith look the fool in 2.04 "Green-Eyed Monster."
-Inigo- Morgendorffer, Daria
Animated high school student and poster child for apathy. Don't worry, she doesn't have low self-esteem. She has low esteem for everyone else. Her sarcastic sensibilities make her the perfect role model for Logan, who claims the Aaron/Lilly sex tapes were supposed to have contained a marathon (God bless The N). But alas and alack, they are blank. It's a sick, sad world for Logan in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-Polter-Cow- Morris, Agent
FBI Agent assigned to finding Duncan Kane and his baby. One of the countless FBI agents to come to a small town and tell the bumbling sheriff how their work is done, tough and sarcastic Agent Morris is certainly more Albert Rosenfeld than Dale Cooper, but at least she sticks to mainly needling Lamb, not everyone else around. Let's hope he does not punch her in the face in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Lucy Lawless.- Morty
A homeless guy that helps Veronica find the Easter egg that was up Chip's...chimney. He is also able to help her out by posing as a witness for Selma Rose's "kidnapping." Are we sure his name isn't "Moriarty"? Morty is a (homeless) mastermind in 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-alliterator
Played by Kristopher Logan.- Moses
Biblical personage. When Sheriff Lamb likens Veronica Mars to the man who talked to burning bushes, he is hopefully referring to her sea-dividing, awe-inspiring charisma and not her physical resemblance to Charlton Heston. The prophet is invoked in 2.15 "The Quick and the Wed."
-grimsqueaker- Motel Clerk
This Mexican motel clerk tells Sheriff Lamb that white guys "all look alike." But he points him in the right direction of the fugitive Duncan in 2.11 "Donut Run."
-topanga
Played by Pedro Rodman Rodriguez.- Mother Nature
The personification of nature as a powerful and nurturing woman. In Neptune, the number of powerful and nurturing women is a little on the light side, what with the alcoholics, the suicides, the harlots, and the cold fish, so Neptune High offers fruit instead in 2.03 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang."
-Inigo- Mountain Man
Bodyguard hired by Logan to protect Veronica. With such an apt name, Logan must have recruited him from the WWE. Certainly, the addition of Hunter Hearst Helmsley would have added an extra meta layer to 3.08 "Lord of the Pi's."
-alliterator
Played by Tim Sitarz.- Mouth
Careless biker. He first opens his own a little too much and then gets too close to Backup's, which leads to pain, humiliation, and possibly the need for new footwear in 1.01 "Pilot."
-grimsqueaker
Played by Zac Henry.- Mr. Lee
- See Lee, Mr.
- Mr. T
Bodyguard-turned-actor. Mr. T has had an interesting life. He's most famous for his acting roles as a boxer in Rocky III and an ex-military officer on the ABC series The A-Team, but he's just as well-known for his Mohawk hairdo, multiple gold necklaces, and his menacing catchphrases. Mr. T is also a cancer survivor who's playing a big role in the Hurricaine Katrina rebuilding efforts. Veronica uses him to motivate Wallace's studying efforts. I pity the fool who doesn't cheer for Mr. T in 3.06 "Hi, Infidelity.".
-topanga- Muhammad Ali
- See Ali, Muhammad
- Munster, Marilyn
The only non-monster Munster in The Munsters, Marilyn was disappointingly normal, sickeningly sweet, and HOT. Seriously. Blonde hair and no neck bolts? Rock. Veronica is so totally the Marilyn (but in looks only) in 2.02 "Driver Ed."
-alliterator- Murphy, Mr.
Sleazy owner of The Break, a bar that has little problem serving underaged drinkers. For the low, low price of five grand a year, this gravelly-voiced slimebucket has been staving off Lamb's police and his own, personal Jiminy Cricket...all for the few extra bucks to be made off nineteen year-old alcoholics. Unfortunately for Murphy, Sheriff Mars is cracking down on speakeasies across Neptune, and we have a feeling that corruption and law-flouting bartenders have met their match in 3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
-Alex
Played by Jack McGee.- Murphy, Lisa
- Murray, Mrs.
Reconciled spouse who was either client or object of investigation for Mars Investigations. Given Veronica's contention that only a million-dollar "Sorry I banged the maid" ring could have reconciled that marriage, Mrs. Murray was probably the one wanting the investigating. Or maybe not — we don't want to assume anything. Mrs. Murray either canceled an investigation or was let off the hook in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-funky-donut- Murray, Mr.
Mars Investigation tail purportedly seeking some extramarital tail. But we don't know the whole tale. The following is an entirely plausible set of circumstances, based on what we know of the case: Mr. Murray is a big fan of Spider-Man comics. Always has been, ever since he was a kid. The missus, on the other hand, looks down upon his passion with disdain. "It's your comics or me, Bill! Your comics or me!" (We don't know his first name, but it could be Bill!) So every Wednesday, he has to come up with a flimsy excuse to hit the comic book store. He begins to realize that she's beginning to get suspicious and that she's hired a private eye to follow him. So he starts taking the maid with him, as an alibi of sorts. Now, the maid turns out to be a huge Spider-Man fan as well, and they become very close in a way that could be easily misinterpreted. Mr. Murray steps into his wife's psyche for a moment and understands what this must look like, so he buys her a million-dollar ring to take her mind off the whole situation. Meanwhile, he comes up with the ingenious idea to have the maid buy his comics for him. How to read them without being seen, however, is another matter entirely, and one that is never touched on (mostly because it was never even implied) in 2.12 "Rashard & Wallace Go To White Castle."
-Polter-Cow- Musician
Member, Mooncalf Collective. He strums on his guitar and sings "You Ain't Got Nothing At All," the theme song for cult members. A cult classic, so to speak. Mr. Guitar Man keeps things mellow around the campfire in 1.09 "Drinking the Kool-Aid."
-topanga
Played by Max Bernstein.- Musicman
Number twenty-five. This melodic gentleman is a complete cipher, revealing unto us naught but that he likes wearing short sleeves in December, eating lunch with the little people at Neptune High, and...uh...Barry Bonds? Maybe he's a friend of Luke's. Seventy-six trombones fail to show in 2.10 "One Angry Veronica."
-grimsqueaker- The Mustangs
Band. The UK's premiere rhythm and blues band, to be exact. But they're not R&B or anything: more emphasis on the blues than the rhythm. What does the UK know about the blues, anyway? I thought America invented the blues! Just because we stole rock and roll from the Beatles doesn't mean they can steal the blues from W.C. Handy. KRFF supports transatlantic music genre theft in 3.19 "Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down."
-Polter-Cow- Mustard, Col.
One of the color-themed characters of the board game Clue. Veronica thinks Tim and his latex breaking-and-entering gloves might be off to the parlor next with a candlestick to off the good Colonel. That probably makes Tim Mr. Green (with envy) and Veronica Miss Scarlet — she did pass herself off as a single, pregnant girl named Hester, after all. It turned out to be Tim in the dean's study with the gun in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-misskiwi- Mustard Man
One of the names on the Pi Sigma Sigma basement board, used to display the claimed romantic exploits of the fraternity house residents. Okay, so we're guessing, seeing as the name is slightly obscured by the UPN logo. But let's say it is so and wonder at the choice of this name. Is he bright yellow? Is he runny? Is he a little bitter on the tongue? Is he inseparable from a hot dog? One thing we do know, he's shown to be a jerk in 2.16 "The Rapes of Graff."
-Inigo- My Pretty Pony
Power pop duo with a cult following in the 1990s. Named in homage to a 1980s toy, My Pretty Pony was comprised of guitarist/songwriter Desmond Fellows and front man Johnny Scopes, may the latter rest in peace. Part Rembrandts, part Proclaimers, and all washed up, the band still has some college-aged fans willing to pay a few bucks to hear Desmond plink along to a backing track of Johnny from beyond the grave. It's all so totally emo. Piz and Veronica were former Pony fans themselves, but Desmond's legend loses a little luster when they serve as his guides to Neptune in 3.17 "Debasement Tapes."
-bethgee
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- Mötley Crüe
Heavy-metal band popular in the '80s consisting of Tommy Lee, Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil, and Mick Mars. Famous in the '80s for their hard-partying, hard-drinking, hard-living lifestyle, the Crüe is now sober. Back in the day, their videos starred some of the trashiest, biggest-breasted, even-bigger-haired-than-the-band-members girls you'd ever hope to meet. Or, in the case of the "Looks That Kill" video, some ladies ready for fighting and bondage. And, you know, hard-core sex with Tommy Lee. Either way, Veronica looks across the street and realizes that with the busty strippers, all that's missing for a Crüe video at Corey's Market is some live pythons, a huge spotlight, and a Mars of a different name in 3.15 "Papa's Cabin."
-tallow