3.20 "The Bitch Is Back"

Aired May 22, 2007


  • Logan: Veronica, there's something you should know. There's a video of you. Dick got a hold of it somehow.

    Veronica: Am I singing karaoke?

    Logan: No, it's you and Piz having sex.

    Veronica: Unless it's a video from the future, that's not possible.

  • Wallace: Slowly, bro. You got to take it slow.

    Piz: How does walking make my ribs hurt? You should see the other guy. His hands, particularly, I-I tore those things up.

  • Veronica: Dick? Get out here.

    Dick: What's up, V?

    Veronica: If you had to bet?

    Dick: Look, from a guy's perspective, the video just made your stock go up. You looked great. Enthusiasm — always a plus—

    Veronica: It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you. Where'd you get the video?

    Dick: Someone e-mailed it to me.

    Veronica: Who? Get your computer.

    Dick: I probably deleted—

    Veronica: After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.

  • Veronica: Chip Diller. You didn't know it was from Chip?

    Dick: Well, see how many e-mails I get?

    Veronica: You forwarded it to your whole address book?

    Dick: It was instinct. I always forward porn. When it's good.

    Veronica: You are going to be so popular in hell.

  • Veronica: And I'm back in high school. Goody.

  • Veronica: Chip. Moment of your time?

    Chip: Kind of in the middle of something.

    Veronica: It's a cluster of morons. Don't worry. They'll let you back in.

    Chip: You know what I like about you? You got spirit.

    Veronica: I want to talk to you.

    Chip: That's what you're doing.

    Veronica: Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there, or is this new?

  • Veronica: Where did you get the video of me?

    Domonick I don't know what you're talking about.

    Veronica: Your pubescent snickering tells me differently.

    Domonick Someone sent it to me.

    Veronica: You should tell me who. Or I can assume that it originated from you.

    Domonick You can assume whatever position you'd like.

    Veronica: I'm thinking choke hold, you gasping for your last breath.

    Domonick Shh, shh, shh, sweetheart, sweetheart. You are so much hotter with the sound off.

    Veronica: You'll really be better off giving me that name.

    Domonick Yeah. Well, I guess I need to go quiver in fear now, so. See ya.

    Veronica: Okay, then.

  • Veronica: Are you Gory?

    Gory: Who wants to know?

    Veronica: Well, seeing as I'm the one asking, I'm guessing me.

    Gory: You do have nice pom-poms. I'll give you that. Are you coming in or what? You're shorter in person.

  • Gory: If you have proof that I'm involved in some way, maybe you should get a lawyer. If you don't, maybe you should just stay and have a drink.

    Veronica: Yeah. I'm definitely gonna need a drink. Perhaps twelve. I don't know, how many does it usually take for a girl to find you not gross?

  • Piz: You know what I noticed today? Look really close at the welt under my eye.

    Veronica: What? Is your eye okay?

    Piz: Yeah, I was just pointing out that this bright-pink part looks kind of like the Virgin Mary. I call this my miracle eye.

  • Keith: I dropped my salad. You can't really get vinaigrette out with a wet paper towel. They're doing an article on me for the Neptune Register. The interview's in a couple of days, but they've got a photographer due here any minute.

    Veronica: And you thought a photo of you in your boxers would hurt your lead in the polls?

    Keith: With clean pants, it's a smooth cruise into victory.

  • Piz: I-it's a nice day. Let's go eat outside. Veronica? Come on.

    Lout: Looks even more familiar from behind.

    Piz: I promise you, karma's going to take care of that guy for you.

    Veronica: I know. I'm gonna run him over with my "karma."

  • Dick: Dude, I saw that Piznarski guy today. That's one messed-up Polack, my brother. Pound and explode, dude. It's still a thing.

    Logan: I guess he didn't make the video.

    Dick: Whoops. Your bad. Still, it was a royal beat down. Sometimes a random ass kicking's a good thing. Keeps everyone else in line.

  • Jake: Let me show you my office. Take that off your hands.

    Gory: That'd be great. I feel like Gollum carrying this thing around.

    Jake: I don't know what that means.

  • Mac: Let me explain something, Veronica. I own the most powerful personal computer on campus. There is no personal computer faster or better than mine at Hearst. And using this incredible computer of mine, it will take twenty years to crack Jake Kane's password on this hard drive.

    Veronica: So how do we do it?

    Mac: You're like Kirk in Wrath of Khan. You refuse to believe in the no-win scenario.

    Veronica: You're like one of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds with your Star Trek references.

  • Gory: [on video] So...we figured we'd go up to the mountain cabin, get loaded, and take the boat out. Parents didn't need to know. So we're getting high up on the balcony. And I hear a car pull up, and I hide, but I got a good angle. And I see my dad and Uncle Lev get out of a car. They open the trunk and pull a couple bodies out. They-they are bloody as hell. And so they drag the bodies into the workshop. And the next thing, I hear the power saw going. I always wondered why my dad put a wood shop up in the cabin. So the next thing you know, he and Uncle Lev are taking a couple hefty bags down to the boat—

    Veronica: Maybe I'll let Gory Sorokin keep his secrets.

  • Veronica: Hey, Nish. I've got a present for you.

    Nish: You're transferring?

    Veronica: A list. The names of every member of the Castle. All men. You think this will help with that lawsuit?

    Nish: Oh, my God. Politicians. Tycoons. Celebrities. This is gold. You're gonna make some very powerful men very unhappy.

    Veronica: Won't be the first time.

  • Veronica: So are you like the butler now or...I'm just saying. Answering the door kind of smells of being demoted.

    Wiedman: I like to deal with the miscreants personally.

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