- Tartuffe (Plays)
"We're the theater department. We don't do guns."
"We do Molière."
A French comedy by Molière first performed in 1664, Tartuffe's title character is a falsely pious fraud who worms his way into a prominent family, hoping to be written into the will and take over everything, but his scheme is thwarted. Hmm... except for the piety, that kind of sounds like Kendall Casablancas. Guess there really is nothing new under the sun. Hearst's theater department is trying to perform this play, but they took on the wrong adversary in the War of the Ticket Sales and Audience Numbers when they scheduled their opening night on the same night as the film department's festival. Now their stage is covered in Pam and far too slippery — just like Tartuffe himself! — to walk on.
- 3.05 "President Evil"