- Kevin Costner (People)
"So…what was the plan? Embarrass me? Destroy my career? Soften up public sentiment for a generous divorce settlement? Turn me into Costner?"
Poor Kevin Costner. 1990 – Oscar winner with Dances with Wolves. 1991 – Made women swoon with his portrayal of the title character in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and handed conspiracy theorists a voice in JFK. 1992 – Costarred with Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard. 1995 – Made one of movie history's biggest flops with Waterworld. 2001 – An Elvis impersonating ex-con in 3000 Miles to Graceland. The road downhill is easy to map in this case, but don't worry, Kevin – I'm sure your movie with Ashton Kutcher this year will revive your career. You won't be a punch line anymore. Honest.
- 1.12 "Clash of the Tritons"